Loss of libido....

distantadmirer · 04-09-06 19:56:04

Loss of libido

A guy post. It happens (I left out the Sh and capitalized the I). The cure?
Go to the gym and work out like hell for a couple of weeks, drop the booze.
Don't beat off all day long before you take her out. listen to her singing voice and absorb her dreams. Forget about yourself.

blissed · 04-09-06 20:33:59

distantadmirer wrote:

I have to agree with Liandra on this one.
Even if the girl were giving me a stroke job under the table, and then let go and told me to fuck off, I'd have to take it in stride. Her loss.

Lol isn't that just always happening at dinner party's It's just really something you have to put up with, and finish yourself off But make sure you do that before the pudding arrives

.

Last edited by blissed (04-09-06 20:34:31)

distantadmirer · 04-09-06 20:36:40

blissed,

but if I spoon fed you my special sauce in the pudding would it rock your world?

blissed · 05-09-06 00:02:39

Not really! it's not the mental image I associate with a lovely meal

.

distantadmirer · 05-09-06 01:59:24

Why was that?

blissed · 05-09-06 02:08:59

distantadmirer I think thats a bodies way of saying thats enough just for now. So you can recouperate.

Last edited by blissed (05-09-06 02:18:18)

blissed · 05-09-06 02:10:23

To the main point. It's about showing people respect. To allure is just an invitation to admire and take pleasure in the way someone looks, It's not a specific invitation to have sex with anybody. If I was femme, Having allured and generated interest, I would then choose who I liked best from those who where interested in me and indicate to them that I had chosen them. Everyone else would have to go and suck eggs because I don't want them If the guy I wanted didn't take stronger and stronger hints, I would find an excuse to touch his arm, But if he turned out to have a dissapointing personality, I'd find some way to back out nicely. If I die and come back as a woman, please make me a lesbian

So to recap: Everyone else would have to go and suck eggs because I don't want them So those are the 2 parts to getting the man you want. I'm a guy and I've been rejected and I've rejected the direct advances of someone else.

No-one has the right to have sex with anyone else, they have to choose you, not just allure.

Last edited by blissed (05-09-06 02:19:34)

bodyhead · 05-09-06 02:18:27

The right to say 'no' is absolute and can't be abused.

About stammering's post - plenty of men are quite capable of understanding sexual signals, but they can learn not to.

There's nothing like experience. I had a close male friend who was gay, and it was quite clearly understood that I didn't want to have sexual relations with him. Once I was with him and another bloke in a park. My friend made an attempt to grab me - I don't remember why, but it wasn't a sexual thing - and I shrieked, as I tend to do in such situations. The other bloke said something along the lines of "oh why don't you two just get in a shower together", and made clear that he was being serious. He had taught himself that my shriek was a no-meaning-yes thing. That and the fact that I spent a lot of time with a gay man who fancied me made it an open and shut case for him. And the more you argue, the more 'The Lady doth Protest to Much'. God, I got pissed off with him.

Anyway, a little experience like that can be instructory.

aven frey · 05-09-06 02:29:16

I have to be honest I have a huge huge problem with the label cocktease. Often what constitutes cock tease behaviour is no where near as defined as purposly humiliating a man but everything from wearing skimpy clothing, to dancing, to smiling and talking (flirting whatever) with a guy. More often then not (like Stammering pointed out) the signals are completly (and sometimes purposely) missinterpreted and the term implies once again that women are responsible for any violence against them and should ammend their behaviour to avoid it.
In another thread we were talking about the need to be acknowledged sexually and well all us cock teasers out there with our short skirts and hip swinging dance moves have the same needs as well.

distantadmirer · 05-09-06 04:06:41

Men, if they are at all mature, love and accept a woman's flirtation, even if it doesn't lead to sex. I am getting grossed out by men and women on this site arguing about rape. Thank god my subscription is running out.

aven frey · 05-09-06 04:22:48

I don't think anyone is arguing about rape, I do think people are using personal experiences to present their individual views on the topic of women and sexuality and power and men and short skirts. If its grossing you out distantadmirer check out another thread.

distantadmirer · 05-09-06 04:43:47

Rape is not discussable. It is a felony crime.

gala · 05-09-06 05:08:25

distantadmirer wrote:

Thank god my subscription is running out.

yes.

the very fact that rape occurs is sufficient reason to discuss it. to label it as "undiscussable" is to silence those who have experienced it and to supress the dialogue around it as a social problem. discussion won't end it, but it's a platform upon which to base our behaviours and actions. there's nothing "gross" about confronting what's actually around us.

blissed · 05-09-06 05:46:45

Liandra wrote:

Men should be taught not to rape at an early age.

Thats a really good poiint. I don't think that can be done in a classroom. I think that has to be a role model thing and a society change. That's usually done by promoting a sub agenda through entertainment mainly, like movies and music and you do that by making a good inteligent and persuasive argument amongst people who are creative and those who's creativity is already in demand.

.

Last edited by blissed (05-09-06 05:48:48)

Warmtouch · 05-09-06 09:49:42

Liandra wrote:

Men should be taught not to rape at an early age.

No argument from me.

Liandra wrote:

As I see it Pricktease is a woman exploiting her sexual power over a man. Men don't like being in the weaker position of power, they're not used to it and it really frustrates them, so they bitch about it, and tell women they should watch themselves or they'll excersise their physical power and rape them. I agree it's not right to tease for the purpose of getting kicks out of humiliating another human. That's is shitty behaviour, but it doesn't even come close to the horror that is rape. The two acts are incomparable.

So why bring it up? I'm not trying to compare them and I don't know why you are, unless you're just trying to divert attention from my point by raising one that's much more emotionally fraught.

If I were to post, "you shouldn't park in the disabled spaces, it's wrong and it really, REALLY pisses handicapped people off" would you post, "yeah, well, it's a lot more wrong for them to take out a gun and shoot you, there's no comparison"? It wouldn't invalidate the original point, and the fact that it's far more wrong to commit murder still doesn't excuse parking in the disabled spaces.

richard · 05-09-06 10:28:54

Liandra wrote:

Men should be taught not to rape at an early age.
As I see it Pricktease is a woman exploiting her sexual power over a man. Men don't like being in the weaker position of power, they're not used to it and it really frustrates them, so they bitch about it, and tell women they should watch themselves or they'll excersise their physical power and rape them.

Which men say this? Can you not see how utterly offensive this is to any decent man? And what a double standard you're raising? Besides all that, it's rubbish. Until you've been every man, let alone any man, you're not qualified to make such a remark.

richard · 05-09-06 10:30:06

Last posts people, this thread is about to close.

blissed · 05-09-06 11:30:59

Thanks Richard. I agree that Liandra seems to be generalising, but what she's identified is the underlying reaction of the instinctive male libido when faced with being in a weaker position than a woman, which is of indignation, thats not necessarily reflected in all men making the conscious decision to rape, not by any means, but I think she's identified a part of the reason why a few men do this.

Last edited by blissed (05-09-06 11:40:14)

jolicrasseux · 05-09-06 14:29:01

richard wrote:

Last posts people, this thread is about to close.

Why? Richard, I was trying to buy some libido and going to ask where ?

gala · 05-09-06 16:06:39

if anyone wants to actually talk about loss of libido and how it makes us feel and especially if SIOBHAN wants to put in hers on this - start another thread if this one closes! i'd still love to hear some replies to my post on the topic - about partners, feeling inadequate about the issue, etc.

The_Elfman · 05-09-06 17:02:05

gala wrote:

if anyone wants to actually talk about loss of libido and how it makes us feel and especially if SIOBHAN wants to put in hers on this - start another thread if this one closes! i'd still love to hear some replies to my post on the topic - about partners, feeling inadequate about the issue, etc.

Yes it's a good question gala.

I once had a girlfiend who wasn't very sexualy demonstative. She hardly responded or reacted to anything I did. I would ask her if everything was OK and she would reply yes, everything was fine. I was about 25 at the time and I've never had any illusions that I am the world's greatest lover and this lack of response or enthusiasm (validation?) made me feel even more inadequate. Eventually making love became a chore. Something to be avoided. My normaly low libido went down the toilet. I suppose that the pressure to "perform" did the same for her as well. Looking back I imagine that we were just two fairly inexperienced, sexualy insecure young people feeding each others sense of inadequacy. As you suggested in your earlier post gala I don't think it takes much to send our fragile sexual egos into a downward cycle.

Elfman.

bodyhead · 05-09-06 17:45:20

max wrote:

I have to be honest I have a huge huge problem with the label cocktease. Often what constitutes cock tease behaviour is no where near as defined as purposly humiliating a man but everything from wearing skimpy clothing, to dancing, to smiling and talking (flirting whatever) with a guy. More often then not (like Stammering pointed out) the signals are completly (and sometimes purposely) missinterpreted and the term implies once again that women are responsible for any violence against them and should ammend their behaviour to avoid it.
In another thread we were talking about the need to be acknowledged sexually and well all us cock teasers out there with our short skirts and hip swinging dance moves have the same needs as well.

Well, it's a problem of definition. I'm all in favour of women wearing as little as they want and dancing as they want, but if a woman is acting in any way out of a desire to exploit their power over men, then I think that's wrong.
I don't like the words 'pricktease'. 'cocktease' etc. because of all the viciousness that they embody in the minds of some men, usually those who would divide women into 'sluts' and 'good girls'. I've come across this in men and in women for that matter.

The practice of 'grinding' is an example of how the definition of a situation can be so well understood that a woman can grind their bum into a man's crotch on the dancefloor and he can make sexual movements himself, but it's not thought of as an invitation to sex.

I guess young women go out in next to nothing on Friday nights partly to be admired, to indulge the exhibitionist in themselves, and no one should call them names for doing that.

ams01720 · 05-09-06 20:45:41

Liandra wrote:

By what do you mean by prick tease though? Is flirting being a prick tease? Lots of people flirt and it is not an offer of sex. Must a woman fuck every man just because she has expressed an attraction to him by flirting?

Of course not. But sometimes modesty and restraint are the more decent approach. Given someone who is struggling financially, it would show a lack of decency to wave a large stack of cash and say "Don't you wish you had some of this!" There is no obligation to give them money or justification for them to take it by force, but even if they responded with good humor it would still likely be hurtful at some level.

Unfortunately one occasionally runs into sexual Marie Antionettes. By this I mean people who have always had way more than their share of sex appeal and completely fail to identify with the masses thinking they should just eat cake. But I don't mean to imply anyone here is like that.

Liandra wrote:

Puritanism: the haunting idea that someone somewhere might be happy

I suppose I may be guilty of being a bit of a neo-puritan in some ways. I think and hope, though, that the motivation is exactly opposite of the above. It comes from living a long time and seeing too much long term misery resulting from the pursuit of short term pleasure. I do try not to be moralistic about it, though.

blissed · 05-09-06 23:47:11

I think it's best to chill out a little over this.
If someone comes on to you and doesn't mean it, so what. It's not the end of he world. what ever sex you are. If by doing this in an ill natured way means someone who appears to be lovely has revealed that their in fact not. (and they've demonstrated that to everyone who sees it too) Then you've found out in good time instead of 2 weeks later when perhaps they've hurt you properly.

Last edited by blissed (05-09-06 23:49:14)

aven frey · 06-09-06 02:33:23

richard wrote:

Liandra wrote:
Men should be taught not to rape at an early age.
As I see it Pricktease is a woman exploiting her sexual power over a man. Men don't like being in the weaker position of power, they're not used to it and it really frustrates them, so they bitch about it, and tell women they should watch themselves or they'll excersise their physical power and rape them.
Which men say this? Can you not see how utterly offensive this is to any decent man? And what a double standard you're raising? Besides all that, it's rubbish. Until you've been every man, let alone any man, you're not qualified to make such a remark.

Of course not all men are like this and so it should be offensive to those who are not but not because it is rubbish but because power and control are the dominant issues in sexual politics and the idea that prickteasing is sometimes the cause of violence against women is such a prevailent attitude. I know that most of the men here would never hold that veiw but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
I think Warmtouch you were clearly making a link between this cock teasing behaviour (which for you is far more defined then what I understand the word to mean) being dangerous behaviour for women and although we all know you here to be intellegent and pro women and pro sexuality (and also your argument is based largly on practicalities) that sort of attitude somewhat perpetuates the problem of violence against women which is like Blissed said was what Liandra was trying to point out.
I don't mean for this to be an aggressive response but I do think that this is an important discussion and it need not polarise people. Feminism often isolates people especially men because it may appear to project a lot of anger onto individuals but I think its more about challenging social structures and problematic ways of thinking. Discussing these sorts of things need not be a fight (or as Leonard Cohen says - a war between the man and the women, come on back to the war! - sorry couldn't help it ) but it can be a way of sharing different ideas.

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