in which we have a conversation about....

viva · 25-01-12 02:10:36

And then I was torn between the two things I've been thinking about a lot recently, which are, to wit, ie., ex: that moment when a man makes a joke about me that makes me feel uneasy, and, also, I've been thinking a lot about fisting.

Now, these topics are both awkward and uncomfortable but in such different ways!

I will put them both out there and then whatever happens happens. Actually let's see if I can't tie these two thingies together.

I'm interested in fisting. Well, mostly it's become a joke with a group of my friends, the subject of many improv jams and obnoxious catcalling (the same, concensual kind) during sloshy nights around campfires, but that joke led me to do some research. When I found out about international fisting day, this joke of a holiday set up by some porn stars, I went deep. And I found out it was no joke - people really were eager to celebrate this act of love. Blog posts, tales of first times, videos, photos, vaginas, theory, animated gifs, education, and most of all, big, clenched fists.

As we like to sing around the fire, 1 finger 2 finger 3 finger 4, tuck the thumb in, and shut the back door. Words of wisdom.

Although, anal fisting is totally a thing, too. Don't knock it til you try it.

Oooh so squeamish, so exciting, so dirty and crazy and weighty with societal concerns - will it make me loose? Does this make me a slut? Shouldn't I be so 'tight' that more than 4 fingers, "just won't fit!"? With a self-satisfied, embarassed little giggle.

That's what I would say... tehe! Fisting!? No no, my dainty, feminine little cunt can't take it!

And that's bullshit. Cause our dainty, feminine little cunts can spit out babies, and take monstrous dildos (but thats hot, cause the only time vaginas are supposed to be big is when they're taking a big cock, and even then it's supposed to be wedged in there like a big foot in a small boot) - they're supposed to be tight, but when I'm tight it means I'm closed, and when I'm closed it means I am not aroused, it means I don't want it.

When I first started making love to my boyfriend I would feel self-conscious when he told me, "You're so open.." I'd get turned off, I'd tell him not to say that. I'd tell him, "You're supposed to tell me I'm so tight, don't you think I'm tight?"

With him I learned that um, I'm not tight, whatever that means. And that's fine. My vagina is just a vagina. Sometimes it's more open than other times, when I'm aroused I open, the blood flows, the tissue swell - that's when I feel pleasure. The other times, when I'm more concerned about doing intentional kegals on his dick than about riding it to orgasm? I'm only thinking... "Does he like me now?"

I've begun to scrape the surface of this topic but if I'm going to get any proper work done this morning I'll have to come back to the rest of it later - about owning my personality the same way I strive to own my sexuality, about learning how to stop trying to please everyone and start to really respect myself, about how "innocuous" jokes can make a woman feel small and naked when she wants to feel tall and powerful, about the way that so many (especially young) women accept any kind of attention, how so many of us are desperate to please.

etc. thoughts? fists?

blissed · 25-01-12 02:56:20

Well most men can have a pretty good orgasm in 5 mins from a standing start completely on our own. Most women can't do that. So in hetrerosexual sex who really is the one who usually needs a conscious focus on their pleasure. Theres the male erection, female erection and male orgasm in procreative sex but if you have 2 kiids you will have had sex many thousands of times more than twice or more realistically perhaps 10 - 20 times per intentional conception?. So we can do it and we don't need to practice that goal orientated male erection worshiping sex 1000s of times so we get it right 40 times in our lifetime. That leaves thouands of orgasms that are simply pleasure, and intercourse in which pregnancy is an unwanted risk. Why shouldn't a male willingness to please be a factor in deciding who's for keeps, Why wouldn't it have the same role personality, money or looks play for a variety of people when selecting a partner. I think most hetro men want to be good lovers we need to be told the truth when we're not and something isn't working.

Liandra Dahl and Carlin Ross made a really good instructive fisting video. Making the point well that it's not the violent agressive act portrayed in much of mainstream porn. In reality it seems much more popular in Sapphic sex where everyone has smaller hands, but a cunt full of male fingers is still usually welcome enough to be requested and I don't rate my anacdotal experience as particularly remarkable. Cocks can be small and then large, so can vaginas, but if someone sees our cock when it's small we think they think we've got a small cock it's mad. And the same is true of the psychy surrounding vaginas. Vaginas that are too tight are not pleasant. (I might be bias though because I use to have a very tight foreskin) If they fit around a penis like your hand when your masturbating that's fine and that can be very loose at the start and very tight gripped towards the end, or any mixture really. Everyones different and there are a large variety of genital types, yet we all pretty much fit together and there are 7 billion of us around to prove it

.

Last edited by blissed (25-01-12 22:14:45)

artemesia · 28-01-12 15:02:04

I wanted to add to this thread because I want to say I hear you, and your thoughts, viva ( and blissed!), and I wanted to thank you for them. this conversation somehow reminded me about the difference between the sex you think you're having with someone and the sex they think they're having with you, but i think that's a conversation that would be in another thread somewhere.

I haven't seen much of fisting in mainstream porn, and perhaps that does reflect that populist desire to keep women small and dainty ('cept when 'we're wreaking their holes'.. urgh). i guess it just adds to that fantasy that some people need(?) when having sex, you know, the one about their relationship to their power (being big) over someone else within it.

and the talk about being tight, and about being open, i think you really nail it viva, when you talk about how we swell. it seems to me that no-one seems talks about it. it's as if, a swollen vagina betrays too much of a desire for sex that can't possible be feminine. but I know of times I've have where my cunt has been so swollen for someone that I can barely walk home, and the desire for them would have ended in tears if sex wasn't to happen.

and on the talk of an open vagina, i think you've made me realise how much i miss it. miss having an open cunt. i haven't had a lover for over 3 months now, and it's been years since i've had a lover who could open me. when i first started having sexual experiences, i used to be so open.. so open that one of my first boyfriend used to brag about it to his friends. it was embarrassing as fuck at the time("four fingers man"), but also kinda cool that it didn't come back as talk about being a slut. but maybe they were just as embarrassed as me to hear about it though.

Anya_K · 29-01-12 08:36:02

I fisted a lady for the first time the other day and it was really cool!
I was hanging out with her and her husband and we had both given eachother a few lovely orgasms and then all of a sudden her husband lubed up my hand and kind of helped me work it inside her. He said his was a little to big to get past that thumb knuckle bit, but with a little bit of work mine just slipped right in there and it was awesome, she was all super wet and i could feel all her muscles around my hand, it was so hot!
I think that whole "if you can get a hand in there you are too loose" is bullshit, there are super strong muscles in there, it did not feel "loose" to me, just hot and wet and amazing.

viva · 30-01-12 00:45:40

Okay, after all my talk of how it's not about tightness, I'm going to jump onto the other side of the fence and say that I think the idea of really feeling those super tight cunt muscles from inside sounds incredibly hot. Yeah, even coming back to this post after the weekend I feel a little shy about it. Fisting is one of those sex acts that reminds me of those lurid Brazzers ads to the side of my tubesite pornos, all gigantic shaking gleaming oiled asses with big stretched assholes and frantic penetration... something relegated to a world of face-fucking and uncomfortably arranged DP.

Which sucks because I don't want it there, I like it in a different way, like Anya describes, a part of playful lovemaking. I mean it can be over there with the facefucking too, I just want to see it normalized a bit at the same time. I love to hear stories like Anya's...

Artemesia, I hear you as well. Boyfriend is away for a month and there's a - there's that word again - tightness between my legs that all the masturbation in the world won't release. Believe me, I've spent the last 12 hours trying, which is why I'm clutching my coffee cup so desperately this morning.

Just for the record, this..

artemesia wrote:

but I know of times I've have where my cunt has been so swollen for someone that I can barely walk home.

amazing.

#1 25-01-12 02:10:36

in which we have a conversation about....

#2 25-01-12 02:56:20

Re: in which we have a conversation about....

#3 28-01-12 15:02:04

Re: in which we have a conversation about....

#4 29-01-12 08:36:02

Re: in which we have a conversation about....

#5 30-01-12 00:45:40

Re: in which we have a conversation about....

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