Addicted or connoisseur ?

carstuff1000 · 30-05-11 21:45:01

Since joining IFM last year, I have logged on almost daily, am I addicted ? or just a lover and connoisseur of fine art, erotica & great literature ;-))

Xebeche · 31-05-11 00:07:52

If you were really a sex addict or porn addict, you would not be asking.

viva · 31-05-11 01:11:28

I read an open interview the other day with an actual sex addict. It was really interesting and quite sad. Most people responded with a mix of revulsion and derision, or idolised her as if she was a sexgod. People kept hawhawing and asking nasty questions, and asking if she'd fuck them, she took it all in stride. What it came down to was that she has a nearly obsessive compulsion to fuck and it ruined her life. I found myself writing her a long letter, just to show her that not everyone will objectify her just because she's helplessly sexual.

I have a friend who is a unique variety of porn addict. He's old school, uses magazines. What he does is, he cuts out various parts of women from the magazines - some pages in his albums are devoted to breasts, lips, pussy, face, whole bodies, etc - when he's finished with them. He probably has a hundreds of these albums now. He never married, and he says on average he masturbates around 5 times a day, slowed down from when he was younger. He finds time also to play scales on his saxophone, but that's about it.

Xebeche's right. If you were an addict, you'd know it.

blissed · 31-05-11 03:51:28

Your definitely an addict. I don't think there's much that can be done for you your destined to spend the rest of your life having at least one orgasm a day. It's very sad.

This porn addict stuff is ridiculous. When you ask the people who usually throw the porn addict phrase at everyone what they do, you usually find when they're not comparing Obama to Hitler they spend 20 fucking hours a week watching TV!! 20 hours!! thats average viewing time for everyone. That's half the time they spend working. Who's he addicted one, someone who sets time aside for their own pleasure and has a healthy orgasm every day or someone who spends all their spare time watching TV.

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Last edited by blissed (31-05-11 03:52:42)

troyforyou · 31-05-11 03:56:26

Speaking of sex addiction, have any of you seen Diary of a Nymphomaniac? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diario_de_ … %C3%B3mana Its a very rough film but has a very poignant ending with a sex scene with someone with a spinal cord injury.

SPOILER ALERT
The man talks about losing control of his body and teaches the main character to once again value her body and not to simply use it for sex.
Quite a remarkable film, but some very rough scenes.

blissed · 31-05-11 04:04:50

I know I haven't seen the movie but isn't using your body for sex doing something valuable with it. It's up to you what kind of sex and with who and why. How about a film about a woman who likes to have sex and explore and discover her sexuality and she and nobody else has a problem with that and she lives happily ever after.

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Last edited by blissed (31-05-11 04:05:31)

troyforyou · 31-05-11 04:53:50

Absolutely. In the film the woman had become obsessed to sex to the exclusion of pretty much everything else.

Xebeche · 31-05-11 05:32:56

viva wrote:

Xebeche's right. If you were an addict, you'd know it.

Not quite what I meant, respectfully. Sex and porn addictions are behavioral addictions in a very textbook sense. As such, a fundamental characteristic is denial. An addict will work very hard to avoid asking themselves the question.

Regarding porn addiction, I think this video brings up some interesting thoughts (not directly on porn):

http://blog.ted.com/2010/01/04/the_neurons_tha/

Although the idea of Mirror neurons is still controversial, the part I want to highlight is that there may be neurons in our brain that respond to watching someone else doing something in a very similar way that we would respond if we were doing it ourselves. QED, watching porn can trigger hormones similar to those released during sex.

Go ahead and scoff if you like, we'll see what the results of research bear in ten years

viva · 31-05-11 08:52:19

My addled brain read "beer in ten years" and protested no, that's way too long to wait!

I will respond more smart tomorrow. Maybe.

blissed · 31-05-11 13:02:32

That's probably quite a good idea if your an alcoholic Xebeche your right establishing you have an addiction is the 1st part of the cure. I know people who I would class as alcoholics who would think that's funny. But then they might be right and I'm wrong. The drift into alcaholism seems so slow and insidious well a good word for it would ambiguouis.
But I think sex addiction especially porn addiction is overplayed and part of a sex negative society. Where it arises I'd class it as a repetative behaviour disorder because you can't be addicted to the physicality of sex. it's not an addictive substance. your body tells you your sore. and we've never seen gangs of porn addicts holding up sex shops just to get the porn they must have!!

When it comes to sex the word addiction is well wel well overplayed because we're not addicted to the TV or over training in a gym or porn or I was addicted to Toffee crisp and chocolate, a habit I kicked because they're not addictive. There's a big difference between a chemically addictive substance and something we like doing. If you have a operation on your cock you have to give up wanking immediately for 5 weeks which most people do. Try asking pretty much any smoker to do that and you can begin to see the difference and why calling someone in a libidic rut with porn or someone who has a disorder an addict is usually way overstating and intensionally miss classifying, a bit like calling Obama Hitler.

Because it's an intensional misclassification thst is accepted, Viva people like the woman you wrote a letter too are cruely stigmatised (as are anyone who's called an addict) when they're actuially suffering from a disorder and I'd say your friend with the scrap books is well into a libidic rut.

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Last edited by blissed (31-05-11 13:21:30)

Xebeche · 31-05-11 15:54:51

troyforyou wrote:

Speaking of sex addiction, have any of you seen Diary of a Nymphomaniac? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diario_de_ … %C3%B3mana Its a very rough film but has a very poignant ending with a sex scene with someone with a spinal cord injury.
SPOILER ALERT
The man talks about losing control of his body and teaches the main character to once again value her body and not to simply use it for sex.
Quite a remarkable film, but some very rough scenes.

Talk about good timing...Netflix is making this a downloadable title on June 1st. Win!

troyforyou · 31-05-11 16:36:45

Let me know what you think of the movie.

viva · 01-06-11 01:45:16

Ok, I'm back with my brain on.
Xebeche, I reread your original response - gotcha. You're saying an addict wouldn't be asking the question, because a true addict would have his/her fingers in their ears saying "la la la".

I agree that denial is a fundamental aspect of addiction and as Bliss mentioned, that's why the whole thing start its falling apart when you admit that you have a problem. But in both cases I mentioned, the person involved know that their addictions interfere with them having a normal life. They recognize their compulsion for what it is and have tried to quit, but simply feel helpless in the face of their unique addictions.

So even though we can lump them all in a category called "addiction" and close the box, I don't think we can necessarily apply all the same rules to sex and porn addition as we would to substance addiction. From experience, certain drugs have a way of pushing your sensible ego - the one which may say, "I have a problem" aside, making it sleepy, and replacing it with a kind of schizophrenic alterego - one which says, "I'm fine, I have everything under control, life is so good like this, my friends and family are totally paranoid, and why don't they just leave me alone." Then there are moments of eye opening realization when the drugs run out, cycles of withdrawal and rehab, and more often than not a few good tumbles off the wagon.

This is not the case for many sex addicts, especially advanced cases who have been living a lifestyle which is unsafe health-wise and prevents them from making genuine connections with other people. They know they've got a problem, but they do not know how to stop. The girl in the interview, she spoke of how hard she worked for one year not to fuck anyone else, even though up to that point she would have sex with sometimes 10 random men in a day. She worked so hard because she was in love. When she slipped, and confessed, her lover not only left her, but reported everything she confessed about her sexual history to her family. Who then disowned her as well.

As far as what Blissed said, about a sex-negative society defining people who love to fuck as sex addicts, that's just plain silly and a shame. But I think it's just as dangerous to claim that one cannot be addicted to sex, or chocolate, or exercise, or porn, or food. Many people struggle with these compulsions and in my book, they are equally valid and in need of help to face their addictions and have a healthy relationship with life's good stuff.

Xebeche · 01-06-11 02:46:57

Blissed~!

First, 4600+ posts here alone...you know damn well about Godwin's Law! Stop that madness!

blissed · 01-06-11 02:52:50

Yeah I should hope they can get help if they want it. But I think you've said it, they're compulsions. I know it sounds like I'm being padentic but I'm only concerned about this for one reason. If we call a compulsive consumption of chocolate, exercise, the internet or food an addiction then I think the casual porn/ sex addict tag will remain a cultural fixture and be really hard to shift. And I find it really dumb and annoying like the all women in porn are exploited thing and the conflation of sex trafficking and elective sex professionals. Relieving people who hold these notions agressively of their presumtive language opens conversations about reality.

At a place I use to work before the smoking ban everyone called the rest room the smoke room. Everyone had to use it and people smoked in there. When I said people shouldn't be able to smoke there because I'd like smoke free breaks they said. Yeah right, you want it so we can't smoke in the smoke room, don't be stupid.

.

Last edited by blissed (01-06-11 02:53:55)

blissed · 01-06-11 02:57:30

Xebeche wrote:

Blissed~!
First, 4600+ posts here alone...you know damn well about Godwin's Law! Stop that madness!

What is godwins law, And your "damn well" tone sounds a little bit hateful. I don't hate you. I'm sorry if I've done something to upset you, but yeah I've got no animosity towards you at all.

.

Last edited by blissed (01-06-11 02:58:27)

viva · 01-06-11 03:40:47

Xebeche's giggling I think, not hating. Godwin's Law states that within a certain timeframe, the Holocaust is bound to come up in every conversation. Me wrong?

Xebeche · 02-06-11 03:07:23

It's more about Internet/usergroup/forum discussions in general, and it encompasses the Holocaust or Hitler, but that's the gist.

Nah Blissed, not a slam at all. I thought if you hadn't heard of it outright, you'd probably Google it.

Meant this post to be more of a de-escalation than anything. Not sure we can see eye to eye with our current beliefs/life experiences and information right now, and I didn't want it to go to some silly he said/she said craziness.

#1 30-05-11 21:45:01

Addicted or connoisseur ?

#2 31-05-11 00:07:52

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#3 31-05-11 01:11:28

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#4 31-05-11 03:51:28

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#5 31-05-11 03:56:26

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#6 31-05-11 04:04:50

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#7 31-05-11 04:53:50

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#8 31-05-11 05:32:56

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#9 31-05-11 08:52:19

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#10 31-05-11 13:02:32

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#11 31-05-11 15:54:51

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#12 31-05-11 16:36:45

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#13 01-06-11 01:45:16

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#14 01-06-11 02:46:57

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#15 01-06-11 02:52:50

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#16 01-06-11 02:57:30

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#17 01-06-11 03:40:47

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#18 02-06-11 03:07:23

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