40 days - 40 nights

balistos · 05-03-11 18:47:53

Hey,

A month of 2 ago my girlfriend and I stopped our relationship.
As a healty young man I start masturbation again after a couple of days.

One week ago I saw that movie '40 days - 40 nights' on tv. Not that it is a good movie, but I was thinking: 'is it that hard to stop doing every "form" of sex during 40 days and 40 nights?

And so I decided to do my own '40d-40n' 8-)

After a couple of days I feel myself better then before! But I realy don't know what is waiting for me ;-)

Is there somebody who has done the same before? Our has some good tips or idea's?

Thanks a lot ;-)

* perhaps visiting this site is not the best way to get mine 40 days, haha!

xxEPxx · 06-03-11 02:25:01

I went years without masturbating (due to ill health). It did me no good at all. Much more natural to let the body release what it needs to release in the most pleasurable way it knows. Why deny yourself? Your body won't thank you for it.

xxEPxx

blissed · 06-03-11 22:32:07

Leaving it a few days is good to give it a rest, a bit like resting anything after over training. But if you gave it up for a long period it could wither and die. Then youy'd have to give it up.

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hyperballad · 07-03-11 00:35:21

Each time I've had my clit hood pierced I was unable to wank for a minimum of 3 weeks.

2nd time I had it done, I was working here, at IFM HQ. I nearly died. It was awful, by the 3 week mark I began to feel resentful towards the women in the films because they were able to have orgasms and I couldn't.

I began to quite literally physically ache.

It was ugly.

Wouldn't recommend it anyways.

Last edited by hyperballad (07-03-11 04:22:24)

viva · 07-03-11 03:59:22

I went through a time with a partner when he was practicing a form of sexual taoism and attempting to learn about the male potential to seperate ejaculation from orgasm. He was doing really intense masturbation training where he would work himself up to orgasm and stop before coming, then breathe, then do it all again, like 15 times in a row, every night.

This was frightening to me and dangerous to his health. I had to give him an ultimatum, I could not be with someone who was practicing this form of self-restriction. As he was doing this, every orgasm he experienced became a step backwards in his practice and therefore a source of guilt and frustration. I was afraid to touch him and all sexy-times were basically him masturbating me and it ruined our sex life!

Please do not deny yourself orgasm! If you are an orgasmic person, I really believe your body needs to come as part of stress release and to refresh its cycles. When you take that away from yourself and do not replace orgasm with another kind of release, you get all stopped up and weird.

Some people think orgasm denial is healthy, would love to hear intelligent disagreement from that point of veiw, but my stance at this point is that it is definitely not healthy.
v

blissed · 07-03-11 05:08:38

I can't imagine getting to the near point of orgasm and stopping without it being distressing.

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artist_kitkat · 17-03-11 18:51:34

Wow, that's a negative take on tantra. It should never be about guilt, it's about going for greater (and spiritual, and shared) pleasure.. musta sucked the big one! Poor guy, I hope he got to the point where he loved himself again. Personally, back on topic, I am a much happier person if I have orgasms daily. I have had periods of no sex, no orgasms, no libido.. and suffered for it on many levels. On a physiological level, I've had spotting between periods for years as a result of having an IUD - since undertaking my daily orgasm project ( ), I haven't spotted for the last 2 months, and my period has been great. I think the contractions are definitely good for women's reproductive health and I'm in training for labour now... taking on Dandy's idea for when the time is right! I believe it would make for a happier baby too, to have an orgasmic mama throughout the pregnancy. Abstinence rhymes with penance, let's not forget that! And I think the orgasm in labour would be mind blowing. On another level, having orgasms seems to increase my libido too. And there is well documented evidence of the effect of orgasm on the immune system. I would be interested to see if there was a difference between the effects of orgasms had in loving contexts (be it shared or with self) and orgasms that were unfelt in any way or were followed by feelings of guilt or self reproach. I noticed that if my partner came early, and he got disappointed, I got disappointed too and it felt sour. I asked him to try just enjoying it if he got to the point of no return and as I suspected, I enjoy it then too; the sex becomes satisfying for both of us then. Besides the reason he has come is because I'm turning him on and tipping him over the edge (actually, his sense of eroticism is). The withdrawal into self reproach stops the situation/sex/sensation from being passed between us, whereas the enjoyment of it, without guilt, makes it something shared, and something that happened, rather than a disaster. So it's just a natural thing that happens sometimes, rather than something that holds negative energy and becomes a problem. I think the emotion behind or attached to orgasm is just as powerful as the orgasm itself (hence that terrible experience of tantra, Viva!).

Sorry, that is a really sloppy post. Tired!

blissed · 17-03-11 22:00:48

I think it's a great post. Orgasms are pretty wonderful. Masturbation is the foundation of our sexuality. If as a society we take pride in masturbating and respect it as we would if we jogged to keep fit or achieved inner calm from meditation, that's a lovely starting point to respect sexual images and other peoples sexuality.

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xxEPxx · 17-03-11 23:49:45

artist_kitkat wrote:

Sorry, that is a really sloppy post.

Agree with blissed...in fact it's my favourite post in a while on here (and there is always plenty of tough competition in those stakes)...

Sometimes an orgasm is good for our psyche, our needs, and sometimes it's just really good (and required) for our bodies to be replenished and function at their best. From my experience, with a totally malfunctioning immune system and various susceptabilities to cancerous toxins, a good orgasm (or three, or four!) really makes me feel cleansed. It's difficult to articulate exactly what the feeling is, but there are times when I keep orgasming until that toxic feeling goes and my body is satisfied. Better than letting whatever it is build up and cause me trouble, when I can just release it in a (fairly) pleasurable way.

So what you say about the effects on the female reproductive cycle really makes sense to me.

xxEPxx

artist_kitkat · 18-03-11 05:07:55

That's really interesting! (And great for you too, to be able to feel better in such a pleasurable way; sometimes 'good health' is so damn serious and un-fun). I remember reading Annie Sprinkle's take on it a few years ago - she had a long term lover with AIDS, who had HIV at the start of their relationship and then developed AIDS later. She was confident that the quality of their sex life not only helped her partner psychologically, but extended her partner's life and quality of life. They had sex in the hospital too and it always made things better. Definitely a much more positive approach than feeling miserable and very unsexy as you die. She's an interesting lady, all round, and worth reading. If she wasn't a porn star you'd think she was Polyanna ha ha. (Actually she is more a performance artist and writer/thinker these days but that's her roots). Definitely one of the most sex positive people I have ever come across.

Back to the original idea of this post though - I am inclined to think that the idea of 40 days/40 nights (I haven't seen the movie, so I'll refer to religious ideas instead) is about removing distractions. Great energy is available in our sexuality, and if that energy is focussed outwards to a 'chase' mentality it removes the spirit from it's goal of enlightenment by taking powerful energy and disseminating it. However, I would be inclined to argue that masturbation, particularly with a view to self love and pleasure, and not just jacking off with an outward focus would be actually beneficial to enlightenment. If you look at Taoist and Tantric religions this is indeed the case. Also in Wiccan and other more earth based religions, sex magic is often used for transcendence or achieving desired results. I think the idea of denial, in the case of seeking enlightenment would be more about converting sexual energy rather than repressing it. I think that often gets misconstrued among the less imaginative religious figures and interpretations. I am positive that most mystic experiences would have a sexual element to them, as they involve the entire being. I think, Balistos, that because you are continuing to enjoy your sexuality without acting upon it, is why you are feeling so good. If you were to stop all activity and also deny yourself the good feelings you have around your sexuality, I think you would feel pretty fucked up quite quickly. Might be worth experimenting with, just for your own awareness.

viva · 18-03-11 06:09:36

Yes, Kikat, what he was practicing was not tantra - which as you say is about greater heights and depths of co-spirituality and shared pleasure. He had shame because he felt he came too fast in intercourse - though this was never a problem for me until it was a problem for him. Since he came fast but was ready to go again without pause, for me it was a benefit as I got to enjoy more of his orgasms per session. Again as you mentioned, when he felt frustrated with his first quick orgasm I also felt my arousal dissipate and bad feelings were had.

What he attempted to practice was a form of sexual taoism based on the teachings of Mantak Chia. The guy makes me angry because of my personal experiences with his work so I won't go too much into opinionated detail, but I will say that if one is interested in pursuing these techniques, do so under the guidance of an experienced mentor that you trust and if you have a partner, with their full informed consent. It is an intense practice and can be dangerous to your physical and sexual health. also it is fucking misogynistic - ok that's me being angry.

That boy did get to the point where he loves himself again, and better than before, so the radical orgasm experimentation is just one more little notch on that great bedpost of sexual history. Sometimes our methods for coming around to ultimate gladness can seem really obscure to those around us.
I am glad no serious damage was done - if you read a little bit about retrograde ejaculation you'll understand the dangers I refer to.

I think, Balistos, that because you are continuing to enjoy your sexuality without acting upon it, is why you are feeling so good. If you were to stop all activity and also deny yourself the good feelings you have around your sexuality, I think you would feel pretty fucked up quite quickly.

I agree quite strongly with this, my partner's experience went sour because he was practicing from a place of self-hatred and guilt, rather than out of love for his own sexuality. Much like fasting, orgasm denial and restraint can be benefited from as long as you take lengths to keep your mind clear and healthy - so that when and if you've gone too far, no serious damage will be done.

Kitkat, I love the idea of orgasmic birth! and yes, me too: the more orgasms I have the better they are and the more I feel inclined towards having them often, which means more pleasure, depths of self-understanding, subtleties of feeling and more sex. all of these things are fantastic for me but then, I am kind of a late bloomer - so maybe I haven't reached that stage where I find it beneficial to moderate myself.

viva · 18-03-11 06:19:26

xxEPxx wrote:

... I keep orgasming until that toxic feeling goes and my body is satisfied. Better than letting whatever it is build up and cause me trouble, when I can just release it...

also this ^
well said EP.

artist_kitkat · 18-03-11 10:17:24

Yay for late blooming! Me too.. makes aging much more enjoyable to know you haven't been there and done it all yet.

blissed · 18-03-11 11:31:35

artist_kitkat wrote:

Yay for late blooming! Me too.. makes aging much more enjoyable to know you haven't been there and done it all yet.

Ooh that's great and totally quotable everywhere thanks

.

balistos · 21-03-11 16:48:33

Hello,

My last day here on this beautiful site and I'm sorry about my realy bad English :-(

1) Question one: Did I had succes in my "40days & 40 nights" project?

Noop... After 19days I just start over again. But it was a nice experence :-)

2) The reason I started:

First of all I don't have a problem with my sexuality. It is just that feeling after having sex with your own after a good time of sex with a woman you love. That was one of the reasons of this 40d & 40n.

I'm a sport freak and realy 'into my boddy'. I like to see what a body can do. When I cycle 120 km I feel great, after a good orgasm I feel realy good, after having no sex... could I feel good to?? Just an experence.

3) After 19days & nights (not that much haha)

I'm still alive :-) !! I realy don't think you can die whitout having sex.
After one week I feel quit good. I just saw how manny time a person can spend on sex. Oké it is a nice time but ... sometimes it is a LOT of tilme 8-)

One of the resans I din't get the 40days is the reason that there is a lot of sex in the world. I think that I had to cut of my internet, my television, read no newspapers,...
Not having sex is not that difficult... Not to think about sex is realy difficult...

In the 17 nights I didn't had 1 'wet' dream... I thought that if I didn't mastrubate I would have more wet dreams... I was wrong. Now I start over masturbating again I had more wet dreams then 3 weeks ago 8-) Strange!

4) What is the most difficult?

After 2 weeks... Coming home after drinking a beer in a bar and see some beautiful laddies 8-) O my God!

So thats it. Masturbating is nice...
having sex with that person you love is nice...
but to look at sex from an other direction is also nice... for a couple of days :-)
Mabby I try to do it an other time. Who knows I get the 40 days & forty nights hihi.

Alé salut et vive les femmes 8-)

viva · 23-03-11 03:43:46

Balistos, thanks for posting an update!
Good on you for giving it a try and not being hard on yourself when you decided to go back to your normal habits. It's true that masturbation after a relationship ends can be discouraging and seems like it was really healthy for you in the end to take a break from sexuality in general.

Interesting point about sex really being everywhere you look. They say the only place that one is not being advertised to is in sleep - but sex is so deeply engrained in our psyches that, waking or sleeping, the world is full of it.

Shame that your experiment coincided with your membership here at IFM and that now your time here is ending, so hope to see you back soon. Bon chance!
v

bagworm · 27-03-11 01:17:57

I think definitely it just depends on the person & where they are & how they do it, as to whether it's a good & useful thing to "do without" for long periods of time. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it, taking breaks, asking myself "what is this, what does this give to me, what does it take from me". That being sex or masturbation. And it seems to run the spectrum. I have wacked it and had sex for wrong reasons (by wrong I don't mean something moral, I mean the fruits of the labor were uh.. gross), but also had moments of complete liberation, joy, love.

I remember early on I had questioned the urge, and I had a brief teen christianity stint where I learned that "my body is my temple", and somehow that proved that obviously I shouldn't wack it(?). I would go for a week or two, and the main thing I learned was that it was always precisely WORTH IT, because as soon as you did it again, the orgasm was that much more powerful. But I had guilt. Honestly it wasn't that much of a God thing or a moral thing, as a "what am I?" thing. Am I a robot? I remember a few times actually feeling like I was helpless to stop it, which was terrible to look at from the inside, it was like being abused. What really changed things was my first girlfriend. I had LOADS of imagery to fantasize about, and I was thrilled to masturbate, and knew exactly why, and wanted it fully.

I think after certain breakups it was important to do without for a while, but also important at some point to kind of.. take back my sexuality from what I'd "invested" it in. I think an orgasm is kind of a punctuation to your emotional and spiritual life. And I think in some basic biological way an orgasm tells our animal "do MORE of whatever you were doing in the past, like, 8 hours, cause it leads to more of us". Which I think means that masturbation and sex reinforce habits & patterns in our lives. Sometimes if you are not happy with things, and you wack it (or have sex), especially with too little self-love, then that can be kind of a self-maintaining rut, but on the flip side when you're really makin love, with yourself or with another, and engaged otherwise in things you're happy with, that can snowball your life into super magic land.

I think the best reason to focus on for taking a break is just.. growing to appreciate it, and make the most of it. Because if that is your focus, you can come back to it and do it better... work it like a pro. Also if you get into some sort of repetitive bored attitude about it, or spend too much time looking at porn that makes you feel gross or weird or whatever, then you can give that stuff a chance to dispel. Also it is just interesting to note your energy levels.. creative energy, lovin energy, physical energy, enthusiasm.. sex affects all those, can drain them, can replenish them.

What's funny recently is I've been keeping at it (for better or for worse) but about a month ago I kind of passively decided to stop... wasn't goin to beat myself up about it, but just said nope. And this lasted like 3 weeks and it was EASY. I didn't tell anyone, lest I jinx it -- it was kind of like a deer had showed up and I had to be quiet for it to stay. I had a dream after about 2 weeks that kind of.. eased the pressure. Not too long after that a certain video showed up on IFM and I resubscribed and said OK, done with the break. I don't know if there were "benefits" or not... I think my mood might've improved a little bit, a bit of a 'reset' was worthwhile.. and the payoff was nice.

I think it's about like food... some people aren't healthy in their control of their diet. Some people starve themselves and it's fucked up. Others gorge themselves and it's fucked up. Some people oscillate wildly between two poles. Some people eat an average amount, but they barely appreciate it. Others eat what they love and love what they eat. In all cases, we're made up of food, we're kind of a flow of food so the impact is pretty all-encompassing. We aren't made up of sex (well, maybe), but sex kind of coaches all the energy flowing.. inside the.. food? So... big impact, worthwhile to stay keen on, whether that means doing it more or doing it less.

Last edited by bagworm (27-03-11 01:22:27)

#1 05-03-11 18:47:53

40 days - 40 nights

#2 06-03-11 02:25:01

Re: 40 days - 40 nights

#3 06-03-11 22:32:07

Re: 40 days - 40 nights

#4 07-03-11 00:35:21

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#5 07-03-11 03:59:22

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#6 07-03-11 05:08:38

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#7 17-03-11 18:51:34

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#8 17-03-11 22:00:48

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#9 17-03-11 23:49:45

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#10 18-03-11 05:07:55

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#11 18-03-11 06:09:36

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#12 18-03-11 06:19:26

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#13 18-03-11 10:17:24

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#14 18-03-11 11:31:35

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#15 21-03-11 16:48:33

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#16 23-03-11 03:43:46

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#17 27-03-11 01:17:57

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