A bit of romance.

Burlesque · 25-07-06 08:25:21

Having been heinously silly of late, I thought I'd try to redeem myself by pensively asking a question that has been on my mind. It may be a little personal and also annoyingly touchy-feely, but feel free to ignore me utterly if you think that is the case.

How happy, "successful" or satisfied are you IFM member types when you look at your current and previous experiences of romance and sex, and what makes you happy or satisfied? A long-lasting, solid relationship or marriage/crazily romantic flings/a wild life oozing of casual sex/checked boxes beside your list of "erotic experiences I wish to have before I go into the ground"/any other preference? Do you think you have achieved/will achieve your vision of romantic and/or sexual contentment? Do you think I'm a nosy bastard?

Burlesque.

nibbler · 25-07-06 09:54:27

I believe sex does not have any limits. When you have xyz, you crave for xyz+1. As a teacher in a college, I have my eyes on a number of my female students

But around here, my wish list is to sleep with each one of the contributors (females only please). And to specially please Max with my nibbling. A day as her personal nibbling slave would be great. Is that asking for too much?

Nibbler

richard · 25-07-06 13:57:37

nibbler wrote:

I believe sex does not have any limits. When you have xyz, you crave for xyz+1. As a teacher in a college, I have my eyes on a number of my female students
But around here, my wish list is to sleep with each one of the contributors (females only please). And to specially please Max with my nibbling. A day as her personal nibbling slave would be great. Is that asking for too much?
Nibbler

Sometimes this forum is a joyous celebration of sexuality.

And some days it just gets creepy.

blissed · 25-07-06 14:16:12

nibbler wrote:

Is that asking for too much?
Nibbler

I reckon it is

.

blissed · 25-07-06 15:15:21

Burlesque wrote:

Having been heinously silly of late, I thought I'd try to redeem myself by pensively asking a question that has been on my mind. It may be a little personal and also annoyingly touchy-feely, but feel free to ignore me utterly if you think that is the case.
How happy, "successful" or satisfied are you IFM member types when you look at your current and previous experiences of romance and sex, and what makes you happy or satisfied? A long-lasting, solid relationship or marriage/crazily romantic flings/a wild life oozing of casual sex/checked boxes beside your list of "erotic experiences I wish to have before I go into the ground"/any other preference? Do you think you have achieved/will achieve your vision of romantic and/or sexual contentment? Do you think I'm a nosy bastard?
Burlesque.

Sometimes I wish I'd stayed with my first girlfreind who I met in London. because with all our faults, she's turned out to be the most flexible and understanding person I've been with. I think sometimes you don't realise how lucky you are especially if it's the first person. I think it's the freindship that's the most important thing and what makes the sex good. That translates into a casual thing too because some people you meet you click with immediately, so anything you do together is going to be enjoyable even if at first you mess it up. Whatever your relationship is to somebody, whether you live with them or not or whether you have sex with them or not I think having the companionship of someone close you care about and who cares about you is lovely.

.

Last edited by blissed (25-07-06 15:16:37)

Burlesque · 25-07-06 15:40:21

richard wrote:

nibbler wrote:
I believe sex does not have any limits. When you have xyz, you crave for xyz+1. As a teacher in a college, I have my eyes on a number of my female students
But around here, my wish list is to sleep with each one of the contributors (females only please). And to specially please Max with my nibbling. A day as her personal nibbling slave would be great. Is that asking for too much?
Nibbler
Sometimes this forum is a joyous celebration of sexuality.
And some days it just gets creepy.

Nibbler, you do realise that you are unusually pervy even for an IFM subscriber? Just an observation.

Burlesque.

gala · 25-07-06 21:11:30

i think we need some more perverts around here. bless them!

Siobhan · 25-07-06 21:53:27

Bless US, you mean!

I'd like to take a stab at this topic, and thanks to Burlesque for starting it. It's on my mind a great deal of the time, but not in a very coherent way. Maybe writing about it will help.

bobsully · 25-07-06 22:28:26

I tend to expend my energies on the here and now. I don't try to gauge things. I don't set my expectations high and hence am almost always surprised.

Siobhan · 25-07-06 23:08:14

bobsully wrote:

I don't set my expectations high and hence am almost always surprised.

That's my aunt's advice for a happy marriage: low expectations. It makes sense. Just like not eating unhealthy food makes sense for being healthy. Thing is, how does one learn how to not put that thing in one's mouth?

The_Elfman · 25-07-06 23:48:05

I’ve had two phenomenally good relationships in my life (so far) so I count myself lucky. A lot of people go through life without meeting anyone they really connect with. How you define a great relationship will of course differ depending on who you are and where you are at any given time in your life. Our aspirations and expectations change. For me a great relationship is about spiritual harmony. If that is right everything else will be. I agree with blissed that a great relationship has to begin with friendship. If you don’t like someone as a person and feel comfortable with them then nothing else is going to work. I’m a great believer in the silence test. If you can’t be in someone’s company without speaking for an hour without either of you feeling uncomfortable then you probably do not have the foundation of a great relationship.

Elfman

Last edited by The_Elfman (25-07-06 23:52:04)

bobsully · 26-07-06 02:23:31

Siobhan wrote:

Thing is, how does one learn how to not put that thing in one's mouth?

I think our self knows what it needs, it is our mind the lures the eyes, the taste buds, our senses, to the things that tantilize, that are merely its wants. If we listen to both, then choose, we must accept the rewards or concequences of our decision. Some lessons take time while others are never learned. The uneasiness within our self is when they are ignored.

Of course now I'm craving some junk food...

Last edited by bobsully (26-07-06 02:24:11)

Siobhan · 26-07-06 02:35:10

yup. junk food and high expectations. they'll get you every time.

You're right, of course; but it does come back to that -- how can we make good choices when our overwhelming temptations are for the poorer ones?

obviously, the challenge is great -- just look at this world and its steady supply of artificial teats; in our country alone we could almost shut down the pharmaceutical and health insurance industries if everyone tomorrow gave up junk food, nicotine, and alcohol.

that takes us to orgasm -- the natural high.

bobsully · 26-07-06 02:44:37

Siobhan wrote:

that takes us to orgasm -- the natural high.

Thanks...don't mind if I do...

Siobhan · 26-07-06 04:08:52

OK so here I go.

It's hard for me to write about this stuff, but I'm grateful for the question, and I encourage others to dig deep here; I figure we pay $25 a month to be here together so it would be great for me to be with y'all and figure some things out.

Two years ago, let's see, I can maybe do the math exactly; let's begin again.

Like many of us here, it's been a while since I've had sex or made love with anyone. It's been a while since I've even held someone and, until I joined up with IFM, it had been two years, one month, and seven days since I'd had an orgasm.

That's something that I'm grateful to IFM for -- it has helped me get my libido back, a bit. I'm not quite sure what to do with it, yet, but it's there, it still functions.

-----------

I was a bit of a courtiere, in my youth. I'm very into the whole seduction game. I love to woo and be wooed; It's the most exciting story I know how to tell. I'm good at it.

Or at least I was.

My story is not a story about the end of youth; that's a part of all of our lives, and being on a site like this makes any of us over 26 face it every day. That's fine; my story is about something less certain, more slippery, than merely getting older; it has to do with something about men and women, and I don't know what else.

When I first found IFM, it was a eureka moment. Like many of you, I'm sure, I thought, my god, I've found it, the place to talk, with men and women together, about sex, eroticism, what turns us on, in ways that were more interesting than the normal venue for those sorts of discussions. In my twenties and early thirties, there were lots of friends who were happy to indulge me in those discussions, but over time, they all got married, and other aspects of life intruded and even the simple sexual act of TALKING about sex becomes not on, somehow.

Early on in the gender and sexuality thread, I wrote at length about my own sexuality, who I fall in love with, and why. I won't go into it again here, except to say that I've been very lucky in life in many ways, and I've been loved by and made love with extraordinary women; moreover, -- like most women living today -- I'll wager I've had exponentially more orgasms than the sum total of my grandmothers' and my great grandmothers' orgasms combined.

But it's not about numbers. There's quality, too -- I like to be held when I come, and to look in my partner's eyes and watch them watching me lose myself in the presence of their body.
(or virtual presence. phone sex, after all, can be incredible; cyber sex, in the early days of the net, has been some of the hottest sex i've ever had. )

The other night, almost two weeks ago now, I had a phone date with Liandra.
That's an interesting choice of words; it wasn't a date-date, of course; I mean that we had an agreement to speak at a certain time.

I was in love with the IFM concept and wanted to help raise its visibility on these shores. Among other things, I'm an independent radio producer, so it seemde that the first thing was radio coverage. A new-ish regional public radio show had invited me to do a segment for them, and an interview with one of the IFM principals fit nicely into the context of the show. The show's producers were quite game, and Richard agreed that it could be good publicity, and suggested that Liandra would be great to interview. She and I exchanged messages; she said it sounded like fun, and we were both excited, eager to do a good job.

The night we were to talk was my wedding anniversary. It was the tenth anniversary I had spent alone since his death. I always plan fun things to do that night so I don't get morose (I know that many of you here have lost loved ones, so you likely do similar things.)

It just so happened that that night one of my favorite folks bands was performing in town. The Roches. I'd never seen them live and, as they are getting a bit long in the tooth, I was excited, and was going with a friend.

I've noticed that, as the years pass, important events constellate around certain dates. I've fallen more than once for people whose birthdays are either February 24 or 25th, or August 13 or 14.

Bill's death, moreover, occured on the same day that, years earlier, my first girlfriend had left.

And, two years ago, it was on that same day that I was lying on the couch, on top of my longtime girlfriend and great love, when she stopped, mid-fuck, and said, "i can't. it's just too sad." I pulled away, and asked her what was wrong, and she started crying, and said (I'll never forget this): "I'll never stop wanting you. But I'm not brave enough to be a lesbian. I have to leave." And she got up, and in a few moments, she was gone.

I had been close to coming when she stopped. The blood was still coursing through my cunt and my thighs. Three months later, she was pregnant and (coincidence of the calendar again) married an urbane, wealthy, JFK JR lookalike on what would have been our fourth anniversary.

I don't know that she ever looked back.

I did not handle it well.

The only thing I know for sure during that time is that the congestion in my loins did not abate; I tried to masturbate once and dissolved halfway through in a fit of sobbing that went so deep I worried about my sanity.
That was July of 2004.

(i'll stop here for now and give someone else a go. thanks for reading. to be cont.)

Last edited by Siobhan (26-07-06 13:33:33)

corey2 · 26-07-06 04:29:21

WOW.... I am not sure what to say to ur last post Siobhan... but ur honesty has taken my breath away... Thank you!!

PeteUK · 26-07-06 11:47:57

There are those who are lucky enough to have the best of all possible worlds – a stunningly attractive partner with a totally compatible sex-drive and a personality that meshes with theirs like two cogs in a Rolex. The rest of us have to make our peace with compromise, or face a lot of very lonely nights.

Despite having an almost obsessive interest in sex from quite an early age, I was never a great lover in my youth. A combination of cripplingly low self-esteem, an introverted personality and a less than optimal physical appearance restricted my adventures to those taking place entirely within the confines of my own skull. There are times when I think back on those solitary times and envy those who have a history of lustful experimentation, but these days that seething jealousy has abated somewhat. It only leads me to drop to my knees and roar curses at an uncaring sky three or four times a week, now, which is practically nothing.

Now, I’m a odd duck at the best of times, and I know I can be hard to live with. I’m a hobbyist, with a never-ending stream of things to be built, painted, dismantled, drawn, programmed, and played. I’m a professional writer in addition to my day job, which at times can lead to weeks where my evenings and weekends are given entirely over to keyboard and screen. I have a taste in movies that would make any paid psychologist rub his hands together in anticipatory glee.

But I’ve been extraordinarily lucky. After a few false starts I now share my life with a woman whose tolerance of my assorted strangenesses would shame a saint.

I never thought I’d find anyone like that. In the moments when I dared to hope I’d end up with anyone at all I assumed that I’d have to give up everything I enjoyed in the name of mutual peace, but this hasn’t happened. There are things I do that she enjoys doing too, others that I’m introducing her to by degrees, and while not everything I value has a counterpart in her own life we mesh with each others’ interests in many wonderful ways. There are things that I won’t involve her in – certain movies in my collection are simply off limits for example, and my internet favourites list must forever remain a closely-guarded secret – but plenty that I do. For the most part, we enjoy a quiet little idyll, she and I. We are better friends than I could ever have dared hope.

And yes, it would be nice to be with someone who was regularly overcome with raging physical desire for my mind, body and soul, and who would act voraciously to sate those desires regardless of circumstance or cost. Rather than someone who had to be gently reminded every now and then that there’s thing called ‘sex’ that people do. But that’s only a part of what we have. The rest is good. Good enough to outweigh the deficiencies by a considerable degree.

As for the list of erotic experiences I’d like to have before I die, I’ve made my peace with the fact that a lot of the boxes are going to stay unchecked. I mean, where am I going to find the Japanese twins and the hot-tub at this time of life? But I’m by no means in the ground just yet. And every now and then, to my delight and surprise, my partner’s drives rise to meet mine, and another box gets ticked…

Last edited by PeteUK (26-07-06 11:50:27)

cynicism · 26-07-06 11:58:13

PeteUK wrote:

<snip>
As for the list of erotic experiences I’d like to have before I die, I’ve made my peace with the fact that a lot of the boxes are going to stay unchecked. I mean, where am I going to find the Japanese twins and the hot-tub at this time of life? But I’m by no means in the ground just yet. And every now and then, to my delight and surprise, my partner’s drives rise to meet mine, and another box gets ticked…

Find the Japanese twins in Japan, of course. Sex is not taboo there, although it can be difficult for a gaijin to gain access - cultivate a Japanese friend to introduce you. And Japanese hot tubs are very hot, but plentiful.

You can do it, if you want it enough. Don't give up yet!

nibbler · 26-07-06 13:43:07

Siobhan and Pete,

You both have written accounts, that has moved me. Just one more reason I love this place, inspite of being called a perv (which is ok, I admit I am a big perv).

Thank you for sharing. May all your desires and dreams come true.

Sincerely,

Nibbler

bodyhead · 26-07-06 15:34:05

Siobhan wrote:

(i'll stop here for now and give someone else a go. thanks for reading. to be cont.)

Please do continue, whenever you're ready.

Burlesque · 26-07-06 15:36:24

As I said, Nibbler, it was just an observation .

I want to extend my thanks to Blissed, Elfman, Siobhan and PeteUK. Very sweet, very generous and very enlightening. Beautiful pieces.

Burlesque.

bobsully · 26-07-06 22:06:21

I love the openess of both of your posts Siobhan and Pete.

The_Elfman · 27-07-06 00:26:03

Thanks for your openess Siobhan and Pete. This is what this forum is supposed to be about in my opinion.

blissed · 27-07-06 01:25:17

Yeah I second that, you can read acres of cold analysis and quote it, but I think having a place to relate your own emotional experiences to people who really want to hear you, is great and quite rare. I think the forum promotes a range of emotional responses and over the past 5 months has become a genuinely caring community.

.

Last edited by blissed (27-07-06 03:01:23)

Burlesque · 27-07-06 09:37:53

How very true, Elf and Blissed. At least this is what the forum has come to be about, and if you want to find out about relations and sexuality, I can't believe that "cold analysis" or editorial theorising alone will provide practical insight of much use. As several IFM members have pointed out, many of us here are damaged goods (that's the Elf's term, not mine, sue him!) and could use some perspective. The only real way of gaining that is through real examples from real lives, not through statistics or aloof academic schools of thought.

I will concede that coolness of mind and organised logic have their place in any number of circumstances, and that they can be used to sift through what one has learned, but they are not, in my experience, the best tools with which to gather the knowledge itself. They make you distance yourself from the subject, and I think that is the core of the problem for many of us here: a feeling of distance, of being out of reach and out of touch.

Pretentiously yours,

Burlesque.

Last edited by Burlesque (27-07-06 09:47:52)

#1 25-07-06 08:25:21

A bit of romance.

#2 25-07-06 09:54:27

Re: A bit of romance.

#3 25-07-06 13:57:37

Re: A bit of romance.

#4 25-07-06 14:16:12

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#5 25-07-06 15:15:21

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#6 25-07-06 15:40:21

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#7 25-07-06 21:11:30

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#8 25-07-06 21:53:27

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#9 25-07-06 22:28:26

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#10 25-07-06 23:08:14

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#14 26-07-06 02:44:37

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#15 26-07-06 04:08:52

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#17 26-07-06 11:47:57

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#18 26-07-06 11:58:13

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#19 26-07-06 13:43:07

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#20 26-07-06 15:34:05

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#21 26-07-06 15:36:24

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#25 27-07-06 09:37:53

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