Coping with depression

aven frey · 21-11-09 22:58:01

blissed wrote:

bobby wrote:
I wonder how they're going to get around the problem that science is not immune to the very idea they are trying to investigate, the limits of perception.
That is the even more fascinating thing, they won't, a machine will. Even an early analogue of the human mind in perhaps 10 years time will be different enough from us to be much more qualified than us to study us, and take an anatomical replica of a human brain to it's 1st conclusion. That "person" will do it much cheaper too

Ahh but it's still hoomins that make this machine. Since science and all the technology that goes with it is a human construct it will invariably reflect the way we percieve reality. But perhaps that's not so important, or perhaps that's what makes it really interesting.

blissed wrote:

Raven I agree with Bobby that existence seems to have no meaning. I think that is because the meaning of existence is a human (and possibly other higher species) notion and so we have the fantastic opportunity to create our own meaning on what appears to be a completely blank canvas, that at the moment stretches out as far as the visible universe.
.

Your glass Blissed is not half full, it's flooding the kitchen. And that's nice.

ravenbarber2046 · 21-11-09 23:17:44

bobby wrote:

I find I'm not very good at expressing my ideas with language. You should hear me talk, that's even worse! I was in a funny mood that night and that kind of stuff probably needs some quotes and a bibliography.

Yah, I know the feeling. I have found that I have been particularly longwinded in this thread. I think it is a difficult topic, and although I kinda know what I wanna get across, it is so complicated that I end up going in circles. I think this is just a big ol' grownup topic we got going here, but one thing I appreciate is people really trying their best to express themselves, especially if it is something that they perhaps don't have the words for right off the bat. That struggle sometimes leads to really interesting places. Like for instance, you mentioned something in that original thread about the juxtaposition of Third World countries and First World ones that I wanted to follow up on, being from a what one would traditionally call a Third World country.

Anyways, I hope you don't give up, trying to get your thoughts across in this forum; I have already gotten so much from you and blissed, ngaio and ashmedi1. It is through you guys that I discovered Ted, and I think that is a pretty amazing discovery.

bobby wrote:

No Hamlet like event or epiphany. It just makes sense to me, has since I can remember. Probably since I started to understand what death was all about.

I'd really like to know what you mean by understanding what death was all about.

ravenbarber2046 · 22-11-09 00:03:31

blissed wrote:

Even an early analogue of the human mind in perhaps 10 years time will be different enough from us to be much more qualified than us to study us, and take an anatomical replica of a human brain to it's 1st conclusion. That "person" will do it much cheaper too

I have to say, it makes me feel profoundly uncomfortable when people invest so much of their trust in technology. The idea that unchecked technological development will automatically lead to us rolling back some of the worst trends of our species, or discovering more about ourselves.
One thing I feel is that as a species we appear to be very good at trapping ourselves in the things that are supposed to improve our lives, or leave room for us to become more civilized. Any number of things, the State probably being chief among them, springs to mind. The thing with technological advancement is that it is almost impossible to roll it back. We only have to take account of 20th century history and its sordidness.
At the same time, with the earth being so overpopulated, I recognise that technology is probably our best bet at rolling back some of the inequities and incongruities; I realise that we need miracles, and right now technological advancement is our best bet, but it most certainly isn’t the beginning and the end. Along the way, we need to adapt how we view ourselves, and that is the domain of therapy, on a small scale at least, I think, and not so much science. It is that human thing that needs to remain. I just wish that so many of the proponents were not quite so fanatical about the notion that technological advancement is its own virtue. That kind of fanaticism is not good for anyone.
By now, we need to know that if we don’t approach something responsibility and with humility, it is likely to backfire on us. This thing of “confidence” in one’s viewpoint, or even in one’s prerogative for action and change, is a very deceiving thing, and hopefully one that will become outmoded before too long. I doubt that will be the case though, because our predominant value system is still the capitalist/libertarian one, in which individuality and its expression are the most hallowed ideals. That’s not a bad thing in essence when it comes to civil liberties and the protection of the individual from the State, but corporations see themselves as “individuals” too (I’m sure most of you must have seen “The Corporation” at this stage) instead of enormous conglomerates and don’t like to be interfered with or regulated. Whatever the good intentions of a premise or notion, it can be skewered and hijacked with little difficulty if the folks who participate in it don’t play fair, or don’t care about playing fair.
Scientists appear to often work from the premise that it is their right “to boldly go”, but history has shown us how naive, how “innocent” they can be and totally ignorant of the negative spin-offs of their work. The goodness inherent in any apparatus is subject to the will of the humans operating it; just look at the State again. One thing that I know for certain about us is that we have never, ever gotten the power thing right, and technological advancement, especially as untapped as it is now, is in essence almost pure power. We might not know exactly the context of the things we take for granted right now in the larger scheme of our history, but just a small example is the social networking revolution. Just look at how ingenious Obama was in hijacking it for his own purposes. Also take into account that Facebook is owned by Newscorp (thanks Aussies, for inflicting Rupert Murdoch onto the world; just kidding. A little.)

My take on it is that the whole bases for many of our societal foundations are heavily outmoded, and technological advancement is still a product of that. A great deal of it is fantastic, but when it comes down the just of it, we need to reconstruct ourselves and our beliefs from the ground up. Science is not our saviour. Only we are.

I'm preparing a larger entry where I'm gonna try and streamline as many of my ideas as possible, because I noticed that I have been a little all over the place. Hope this is not too overwrought. Thank you for reading it folks, if you have stuck through to the end. Please don’t hesitate to take apart my arguments if they aren’t sound.

Last edited by ravenbarber2046 (22-11-09 00:06:40)

blissed · 22-11-09 04:38:08

ravenbarber2046 wrote:

I'm preparing a larger entry where I'm gonna try and streamline as many of my ideas as possible, because I noticed that I have been a little all over the place. Hope this is not too overwrought. Thank you for reading it folks, if you have stuck through to the end. Please don’t hesitate to take apart my arguments if they aren’t sound.

Oooh I'd love you to crystalize you ideas in another post because you have some interesting thoughts floating around there. But just to help you with your editing a bit . As far as I know Mark Zukerburgh owns facebook. Rupert Murdoch bought Myspace, and around 90% of it's users deserted it. I don't think Obama hijacked social networking, he used it as a tool to get elected by reaching people directly. He's a very clever and resourceful person.

Anyway, looking forward to your new post.

.

blissed · 22-11-09 04:38:31

bobby wrote:

Your glass Blissed is not half full, it's flooding the kitchen. And that's nice.

Thanks I love the way you place your ideas here, even the ones you've deleted

bobby wrote:

Ahh but it's still hoomins that make this machine. Since science and all the technology that goes with it is a human construct it will invariably reflect the way we percieve reality. But perhaps that's not so important, or perhaps that's what makes it really interesting.

I think science and technology will become less and less of a human construct, because an analogue of a human mind is a person that can make other intelligent machines without us. They could have completely free creative control over aspects of their minds that we can barely effect, like libido, emotions, and also perception. or they could select or create their own mode of consciousness and set up new kinds of brain architecture and then occupy it with their thoughts. Where as our tiny conscious mind when it's not sleeping can only navigate (carrying our vast subconscious) so our body doesn't bump into things and we're stuck with that configuration and mental and emotional capacity. (don't get me wrong, being human is still bloody marvelous tho)

But if your not human, you don't have to take human form, so if your sensory inputs are spread all over a city and at a point on the moon, that city and that distance to the moon feels like and is your body, if you can also think consciously with the mind mechanisms that in humans are subconscious, your perception is going to be very different from mine but you will be a person and probably have a better grasp of the nature of reality than me. So though I think we have to create an analogue of a human mind to verify that we have created intelligence, that is going to develop into something even more fantastic.

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ravenbarber2046 · 22-11-09 11:17:15

blissed wrote:

As far as I know Mark Zukerburgh owns facebook. Rupert Murdoch bought Myspace, and around 90% of it's users deserted it. I don't think Obama hijacked social networking, he used it as a tool to get elected by reaching people directly. He's a very clever and resourceful person.

Sorry blissed. I should have made absolutely sure of my facts. That was a little ignorant. So far as Obama is concerned, you're right that he didn't hijack social networking. What I probably meant to express was that he was an official seeking the highest office of the land, and he used something that in many respects is an antithesis to the remove that entails power to get into power. As far as I know, social networking is about connection, about getting in touch with people who share your interests and maybe even beliefs and therefore can function as a mobilising tool in a world in which the power elites have managed to circumvent democracy's function by insulating the State from public participating and steered it back to a more autocratic model. Social networking, as a proudly ground roots construct, is surely the opposite of that thing of power of blissfully operating in a vacuum, so I probably meant that Obama perverted that trend for his own ambitions, however good his intentions of wanting to make government more transparent (a laugh, really) and in tune with the people might have been. No doubt he was clever, but the GOP is surely gonna do the same. As it is, Obama is a far, far lesser evil. Anyways, I don't even know if I'm making sense here.
You need to excuse my pessimism regarding Obama. I liked him a lot initially, but now I deeply distrust him, simply because I know what power does to people. He's no longer the same person, you can bet on that. He has been tainted, because power by its very nature contaminates. And anyways, the way he has allowed the banks to manipulate him is a blight that cannot be undone by any amount of Clinton-esque triangulation on his part. He is permanently soiled, because he had the opportunity to really change things. I’m sure deep down, very deep, that friendly, kind hearted guy that we all senses and fell in love with remains. Maybe he’ll be like Dwight D. Eisenhower, where he’ll rail against the industries he in fact empowered during his reign on his last day in office.

Boy, am I ever glad though that people abandoned MySpace when Murdoch took over.

blissed wrote:

Anyway, looking forward to your new post.

Thank you very much. Right now I don't have a forum (ha ha) in my everyday life to help me crystallise my opinions, and help me iron out the contradictions and so forth, so I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Sometimes I can be a little too sure of or steadfast in what I'm thinking, and that's not a good thing. I'm gonna try and make my post as succinct as I can, but that's difficult. I'm an old windbag. (Where in which I take that term to mean longwinded.)

blissed · 22-11-09 21:43:22

Now this up coming post of yours is get a big build up it better be good

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blissed · 30-11-09 10:28:36

blissed wrote:

bobby wrote:
Your glass Blissed is not half full, it's flooding the kitchen. And that's nice.
Thanks I love the way you place your ideas here, even the ones you've deleted
bobby wrote:
Ahh but it's still hoomins that make this machine. Since science and all the technology that goes with it is a human construct it will invariably reflect the way we percieve reality. But perhaps that's not so important, or perhaps that's what makes it really interesting.
I think science and technology will become less and less of a human construct, because an analogue of a human mind is a person that can make other intelligent machines without us. They could have completely free creative control over aspects of their minds that we can barely effect, like libido, emotions, and also perception. or they could select or create their own mode of consciousness and set up new kinds of brain architecture and then occupy it with their thoughts. Where as our tiny conscious mind when it's not sleeping can only navigate (carrying our vast subconscious) so our body doesn't bump into things and we're stuck with that configuration and mental and emotional capacity. (don't get me wrong, being human is still bloody marvelous tho)
But if your not human, you don't have to take human form, so if your sensory inputs are spread all over a city and at a point on the moon, that city and that distance to the moon feels like and is your body, if you can also think consciously with the mind mechanisms that in humans are subconscious, your perception is going to be very different from mine but you will be a person and probably have a better grasp of the nature of reality than me. So though I think we have to create an analogue of a human mind to verify that we have created intelligence, that is going to develop into something even more fantastic.
.

I should have included a reference that covers the area I'm talking about here. It's the yearly Singularity conference which discusses intelligent machines making more intelligent machines http://www.singinst.org/media/singularitysummit2008

Well I find it fascinating anyway

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Arcticnick · 30-11-10 14:48:18

Great thread, folks! Keep it going!

I am very encouraged by the discussion here and would like to risk telling anyone interested a little about my own experiences of depression which I suppose is best started with a short synopsis of some of the circumstances which I think might relate to it.

I could describe myself as an 'all or nothing' kind of guy.
On or off.
Hot or cold.
Fascinated or totally uninterested.
Black or white.

I find Grey areas confusing and somehow unsettling.

I am a little cautious to use the word, but I most obviously 'suffered' from depression since I was 17, soon after I was (effectively) told, on the telephone, by my Dad, that my closest friend had just been killed, on his motor bike, in a colossal impact, head-on with a bus. I received the new during an LSD trip and it had such a devastating effect my life changed from that moment, dramatically and in an instant.

The shock was immense. It really was like I had been hit in the stomach. I found myself rocking myself on the floor, uncoordinated, in the foetal position, in front of my stunned friends, who didn't understand at all what I was happening to me.

Soon after that I spent an fascinating 5 weeks in a psychiatric hospital which, most significantly, for me anyway, produced a 6 year Benzedrine habit. God did I just love those nasty little fuckers! I doubled up on the prescription so took twice the dosage for two weeks and then spent the next two weeks withdrawing...each and every week, for years! Was it was some kind of attempt at self control or was it simply because I didn't want to alert the doctor to my issues and risk them taking away my fluffy blanket?

Later, I acted as a guide on a trip to India, with a patient whom I became friends with, during my stay in hospital,

Looking back at my somewhat 'adventurous' life, now it makes perfect sense.
I suspect I have had one or both of the syndromes for much or all of my life but environmental issues seem to play a big part in how well I can compensate.

I avoid stress as best I can as a combination of circumstances seem to lead to a failure of a thing described to me as 'executive function.' I predict that is the closest I will ever get to any executive function!!

A casual onlooker might describe my life as 'high risk'.

I lived in the jungle of Yucatan, Mexico, for 10 years, working as a dive-master, in the ocean, running scheduled dives, three times a day.

In the past I have been able to deal with stress much better. 20 years ago. I helped survey the world's longest submerged cave system, in Mexico. It is over 50 km of continuous water filled passages and coped, then, well enough to survive in that extreme environment.

From the Jungle I worked as a motor-sport photographer but hated it and felt completely out of my zone. After 10 years living in the tropics, and from living with no electricity, to working track-side, at Silverstone race circuit, in club motor-sport, almost overnight, the noise and mad hectic-ness was overwhelming . I was rubbish at business too and couldn't find a reliable business partner. No wonder I hated it.

Having eventually 'escaped' to the Highlands of Scotland, I taught myself mountain survival, and had an opportunity go on an Arctic winter survival course.

I just spent the last 7 years living in the Arctic north of Sweden, in a vast wilderness, almost as a complete hermit.

At the very start of the course my survival instructor accepted an alternative job as a chef in a restaurant, and thus became unavailable to help me survive, so without being deterred I put the bits together myself and enjoyed the process so much that, like Victor Kiam, I bought the Remington company:) Only joking, I lived in the Arctic without tent, though and mostly without a fire, for six weeks, just because...and did long distance mountain biking, once in a hurricane force wind, up a mountain, in minus 22c and 70 km, in minus 17C.

I did eventually buy myself a farm in the wilderness. Which is now up for sale. At the start it was paradise but soon after my arrival I had been paraded in all the media as a survival 'expert/ hero' Soon after though I was the target of an untrue winter car-testing spy allegation. I eventually successfully and single handedly sued the *other *uckers out of court, for an undisclosed sum of money. The stress had a huge effect on many of my cognitive abilities.

I think the isolation had a great effects on my brain physiology though, and eventually, suffering from horrible memory associated problems, I went to seek some advice.

A scan indicated that four areas of my brain are not getting a proper blood supply and are starved of oxygen!

The cognitive tests strongly indicated Asperger's Syndrome, also!

I have never been very good at tests and exams but I have to say it was, and still is, a heck of a shock. I am just now beginning to come to terms, over the two years since the multiple diagnosis and beginning to accept my latest circumstances more willingly but I confess none of it has been exactly, easy.

I have always been a highly sexual person but, although I have had many great partners, I seem to have spent the vast majority of my life alone. It is strange because I seem to possess a 'people talent', so always seem to deny one part of myself or another, my need and desire for contact or my need to 'ground' myself, in a very busy and confusing world, full of crazy, meaningless, social conventions and people who are so often disconnected from themselves and their own lives... so I find myself retreating into my zone, to try and make some sense of it all.

I have spent years of quiet reflection and am proud of the underlying, if unconventional, strength and capability I obviously do possess and have come to rely on in tough situations.

Of course I am uncertain from which syndrome, if any, these traits derive.

Of course I find it hard to find folk like me or people who understand me at all, but I do think that I am a very creative individual and like many of you here, I too wonder, if more creative types are more prone to depression. I think both go hand in hand. For me, anyway.

Well! Congratulations if anyone has got this far, you deserve a medal.

Any feed back, advice, thoughts, suggestions, are very welcome. Please don't tread too cautiously, though. Ideas and opinions are most welcome. Lets keep this forum thread alive.

I now live quietly in southern Thailand, learning how to take life easy.

Hmm! That feels better. Now you know how I got to be on IFM.

Thanks for listening.

Last edited by Arcticnick (30-11-10 15:11:32)

ngaio · 01-12-10 05:59:09

That's a lot to share, Arctic and it sounds like you have had quite an interesting life. Forgive the brevity of my repsonse but perhaps you should blog about this stuff, seems like you have a lot to say.

Arcticnick · 01-12-10 08:11:48

ngaio wrote:

That's a lot to share, Arctic and it sounds like you have had quite an interesting life. Forgive the brevity of my repsonse but perhaps you should blog about this stuff, seems like you have a lot to say.

I think perhaps you are right about the Blog. You know how sometimes the timing is just right? Well I think that time maybe now.

A will look into Blogging templates and do a bit of research. Perhaps you would pay me the compliment of allowing me to send you the link if/as or when I get it up and running.

I think a Blog, with appropriate tags, would be a much more suitable outlet for such matters.

A simple suggestion perhaps but possibly one with significant results.

Thanks for you thoughtful suggestion.

aven frey · 01-12-10 14:00:42

Holy shit, we have Bare Grills (sp) on our forums! No I jest, if you're looking for templates may I suggest wordpress. A few of us here have blogs there, it's pretty.

I heard on a podcast recently that science has found a link between peoples ability to deceive themselves and depression. The less able to lie to yourself the more likely you will suffer from depression.

http://www.radiolab.org/ - the show on Deception.

Arcticnick · 01-12-10 14:26:41

Wow Bobby! You just made me feel fully accepted! A reply from you...I am not worthy!

I love your work. Just love it! I hope you don't think that I am only trying to flatter.

Funnily, a friend of mine also just recommended WordPress and, by coincidence I have a registration tab open now.

Any ideas how I could, perhaps avoid paying the $17.99, for a dot com, please? Unless you think they really do need the money more than me.

arcticnick.com, for $18 would be okay, though, if you think the service provided might be worthwhile.

I love the access you all, at IFM, generously provide us mere mortals.

Thanks Bobby for your wonderful editing skills and kind blogging suggestions. And thanks to everyone else for everything else; my publisher who I know has been working so hard on this project and my Mum and Dad, without who's help...

Ooops!

Arcticnick · 02-12-10 01:17:21

ngaio wrote:

That's a lot to share, Arctic and it sounds like you have had quite an interesting life. Forgive the brevity of my repsonse but perhaps you should blog about this stuff, seems like you have a lot to say.

Now look whet you made me do!
http://arcticnick.wordpress.com/2010/12 … r-nothing/

...still a work in progress...

Thanks!

hyperballad · 02-12-10 02:13:33

Very, very cool Arcticnick.

Just keep on writing, it's ever so cathartic and you articulate yourself well and with honesty.

Arcticnick · 02-12-10 02:33:16

What nice folk!

xxEPxx · 02-12-10 02:34:05

Wordpress is a great place to blog.

xxEPxx

Arcticnick · 02-12-10 11:18:06

Hiya folks!
I've missed you all. It must have been...eh, hours since I last logged on here.

I have been 'Pressing'. That is such a silly term, I know. Perhaps we should start calling it 'Blogging', instead. Who know, the word might even catch on.

I love Wordpress!

Oops! I just realised that I have already hijacked this perfectly great thread on Depression. Sorry!

I promise to get back to it soon...

At the risk of being separated from you all and re-catagorised in another forum section, I would like to ask if anyone has much experience with WordPress, please?

I would like to add photos to my template. Do you think I need to spend money on a widget to allow me to do that, or is there a less involved way?

...Since starting this post I have visited YouTube tutorials and have discovered the answer to my question. The answer is no, I don't need to spend money uploading pix to my Blog.

Last edited by Arcticnick (03-12-10 10:16:22)

Arcticnick · 04-12-10 09:27:55

bobby wrote:

Holy shit, we have Bare Grills (sp) on our forums! No I jest, if you're looking for templates may I suggest wordPress. A few of us here have blogs there, it's pretty.
I heard on a podcast recently that science has found a link between peoples ability to deceive themselves and depression. The less able to lie to yourself the more likely you will suffer from depression.
http://www.radiolab.org/ - the show on Deception.

Actually, it's Grylls with a 'y'!

Well done Bobby,
'RadioLab rocks'
In the show about 'Deception' the voice actors sound just like the cast of Family Guy. I hope that this is the general format of all the programs.

I am listening to the show right now.
I love it. It is so quirky, and the sound track and voice overs and stuff are just great. I'm not sure if it is my connection or if it is meant to be like that but I am already hooked.

voice of interviewer; 'There is a moral to this, never if you are a little baby, have a social psychiatrist as a mother, as it is a very, very dangerous thing.'

People that they are discussing are;
'Better at business.'
'Better in teams.'
'Happier people.'

'The people who are most realistic that actually see the world exactly as it is, tend to be slightly more depressed than others.' That's me. But I am only usually depressed because of that realisation and not because it just wells up inside me for no apparent reason.

'They are so vulnerable to being hurt that we are given the capacity to distort as a gift.' I am super-vulnerable to being hurt but that 'gift' arrived, a long time ago, in my Christmas stocking, and without batteries!!

Social psychiatrist; 'The more connections the faster the speed of the processing can jump from one idea to another, you can come up with more random stories.'

I can move the conversation around quickly but don't normally even entertain the idea of being anything but honest. I have almost no dishonesty filter.

Grey matter, White Brain matter! Jeez!

I have damage to the white area, four areas, two, mirrored on each side (the occipital bilateral and the something something else), but what does that (rhetorically) mean? I feel that my brain processes certain kinds of information more quickly than normal, which should mean that I am a good lier, (look I can't even spell the word) but I consider myself pathologically honest. Or at least; I would like to think I am but in fact I am a very good lyer, but (I think) I make a conscience decision just to be honest. I think I have a different filtering system and reduced inhibition.

My white matter issues make executive decision making difficult. 'More than enough processing power but few connections between machines.'

There appears to me to be more of an understanding here with you folk at IFM that can be explained simply through the exchange of words. Call it optimism or wishful thinking but the Radio show is in so many ways relevant to me and how you could know that, well...I don't really know. Each of the other shows has a really significance for me.

You have a great overall understanding, I had to listen to much of the show over and over to get the full meaning.

Thank you Bobby for your thoughtful insight.

I had better get this posted before I delete it accidentally.

Irrelevant Thought of the moment:
Torrent technology is totally incredible.

ngaio · 06-12-10 01:11:14

Arctic, looks like you and Wordpress fit together very well indeed!

As for Radiolab... it is my absolute favourite podcast. Thanks to Gala for getting me into it by mentioning that Bobby had mentioned it! I've listened to every single episode while image editing and have got several other people hooked on it. Woo!

TZO2K10 · 18-12-10 14:15:14

@Arcticnick

You are my favorite person here!

I have had my own bouts (And scars) from my own depression, and I too am pathologically and brutally honest with myself and lack the filtering system that would make me socially palatable (Especially here!) yet even without having any true relationships with people, (Tons of acquaintances though.) I make sure that depression doesn't take hold of me!

(Although it tries, desperately I might add.)

The two main reasons are the fact that I have a philosophy in life that has helped me out immeasurably:

A) No matter how small a thing, always have SOMETHING to look forward to.

B) Note that I'm feeling bad for myself too much, and to try and find a way to shift the focus off of myself, and think of other people, and how they feel about themselves, and how they cope with the worst in their own lives.

BTW: I'm fully aware that my method won't work for others (Differing causes of depression, etc.) but maybe it would for at least one other person out there as it did for myself!

Last edited by TZO2K10 (18-12-10 14:17:39)

artist_kitkat · 09-02-11 10:34:24

Ravenbarber:
I understand the underlying depression thing.. and being truly loved and loving someone is a mighty big cure. Might I take that one step further and say the next logical step is a relationship like that with yourself. And I recommend masturbation as a way to start. What better way to face your demons and devils? Don't worry, they'll show.. and then you can invite them in to eat cake, as the Buddhists say. Daily masturbation, a date with one's self, a habit of self pleasure, a commitment to orgasm, a devotion to self discovery. I am presently on a personal course of experiment in the matter. As someone who has suffered from post traumatic stress (oh that name..)in my 20's, and on going depressive/anxious tendencies, all managed without the aid of prescriptions.. the loving relationship with a significant other has helped, significantly, but I wasn't able to have that until I had one with me first. And now, the new experiment? Results so far: improved libido and self satisfaction (not just sexual). More stable mood. In contact with my inherent joy, and able to maintain it. And, a pleasant, unexpected side effect - no longer irrationally scared of death, or sharks. Swimming at depth, twice daily. Of course this is only anecdotal evidence and would be laughed out of the laboratory, but it works for me, and I think I'm onto something. But then, perhaps my cure is indicative of my cause, which was sexual to begin with? Maybe that is the true answer.

x

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