Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

ngaio · 24-11-10 05:51:50

So I want to blog about this article which I think is a decent one but I want to contest a couple of points:

http://hugoschwyzer.net/2010/11/09/the- … bligation/

The writer refers to Ariel Levy's "Female Chauvinist Pigs" and says this:

"With young women, it’s about teaching the difference between the desire to be desired and desire itself. "

Now I think this is a good point but it's been made quite a bit and I think misses the fact that for some women, being desired is not necesarilly only about being validated, being desired can be a turn on. Being desired can create sexual excitement for the desired.

Or at least this is the case with me which was a factor in my decision to contribute to IFM. Before I write this blog entry I was just wondering if anyone wanted to share their thoughts for me to steal? Haha!

ngaio · 24-11-10 05:53:24

I apologise if that wasn't very clear. I'm sore and tired!

chmchrischm · 24-11-10 19:25:53

Author: chmchrischm

Dear Ngaio and all interested in the topic, here is the old sexual health lecturer back on stage... You are perfectly right about the turn on effect of desirability. Allow me to tell you that yours is a fine and quite clever observation about a well established clinical fact. Many couples need to visit psychotherapists or sexologists for quite some time to discover that theirs is a desirability problem. Women complain for instance about the fact that their husband is too "soft" or lacks initiative - when many of these men think to be in accordance with a desirable non machist attitude to-day! So there is an interesting hidden fact behind all this: a too "passive" or expectative attitude in a man towards a woman turns to be a seduction-killing attitude and therefore, a little amount of "machism" proves to be attractive just because of what you observed: as an expression of desire! So it isn't that simple to want to transform too fundamentally the bases of "traditional" modes of intersexual relations... This for my own clinical observations.
Now as of the question of the difference between "the desire to be desired and desire itself. " This would qualify as a good definition of hysteria. And as it was quite sharply noted recently by a fairly young woman colleague of mine who is a brilliant alltogether gynecologist, psychiatrist and sexologist, there is somthing hysterical in the modern societies deep accent put on the "mise en scène" of oneself through the cult of eroticized appearance, "perfect" bodies and seducive attitudes - but at the same time the rejection of desire, all this remaining a pure show off. And the fact is well documented by sexotherapists in all sexlogical congresses that, to resume, in the (recent) past, couples and notably women would not lack desire, but knowledge and exprience of their bodies an "how things work" in love, where as to-day in most cases couples express the reverse situation: they would be quite less ignorant about factual knowledge of sex - but desire is lacking...
All of your comments or reactions are very welcome!
With kind regards and thanks very much for the very interesting link to hugoschwyzer's article
chmchrischm

blissed · 24-11-10 23:32:52

Hey your not getting away with stealing my smarts!!! Not when all my email addys are paypal enabled

The article tends to view young people as a homogeneous lump when everyone and their sexuality. like their music and fashion tastes, at school was different. So the blogger is making observations from a far rather than from a friends space, so ignoring some individuality and tending to make over generalised assumptions. Women do make moves on the people they desire they just generally direct it at the person not usually boast it out loud ( this is yours for the once only low price of $15.95) so most of it's publicly hidden.

But it's a good article and a general mainstream recognition of female desire and pleasure at being desired would be a good thing. And would lead to a different attitude towards people who like stripping and being in porn. ($12.99)

Men exhibit desire. We also, like women, view sexual imagery and discreetly ogle but if someone we desire desires us, we have the sexual pleasure of being desired and that's far hotter that just desiring someone and being ignored. ( $14.99) For some men (including me for while) the female desire for them isn't what arouses them, but is seen only as a green light, and their sexual arousal is actually produced from the prospect of now getting their hands on the woman, not the woman getting their hands on them. So the female desire goes unrecognised and the man misses out on the sexual arousal of being desired. (Wow! that last bit's gotta be worth something j/k

It's that last male sexual orientation that crappy porn can make worse.

P.S. I'm not making these pioints because I'm fricking gorgeous or anyrhing It's about a mental state. A man can be gorgrous and still have a mental state that isn't aroused by female desire.

.

Last edited by blissed (25-11-10 05:33:18)

Socrates505 · 15-12-10 04:51:06

Funny side note, because of the title I thought the article was going to be about the expectation of sex due to geographic location and how over time this actually backfires on a romantic city. When in Paris... I guess I am getting old.

#1 24-11-10 05:51:50

Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

#2 24-11-10 05:53:24

Re: Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

#3 24-11-10 19:25:53

Re: Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

#4 24-11-10 23:32:52

Re: Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

#5 15-12-10 04:51:06

Re: Paris Paradox: how sexualization replaces opportunity with obligation

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