Question from a virgin

myglasswings · 28-05-10 02:46:07

Yes! It's true! I'm almost 20 and have never been in a relationship and have never had sex except for with myself.

I started masturbating when I was around 11 years old. I remember I used to use the non-writing end of pens to stimulate my clitoris. I don't even know why I didn't think to use my finger until I watched an episode of the show Bliss that used to be on the Oxygen network. Once my finger joined the party, it was pretty fun for a while but then I went through a period where all of my orgasms felt numb. I guess I can say that I've never really had the kind of orgasm where I'm all hot and shaky and am sweating and can't keep quiet. But I really want one! I mean seeing all of these amazing orgasms people are having and hearing about friends experiences makes me think I'm doing something wrong.

Anyways, to the point (sorry, I'm a rambler). I finally got the guts to go to Eve's Boutique and bought the Crystal Chic vibrator. I was really excited to try her out and see what she could do. Honestly, she didn't do much and I was left rather disappointed.

So my question is what vibrator or dildo, or any sex toy really, do you think would produce better results? I know it's different for everybody, but I'm hoping there's at least something out there that can finally give me that beautiful moment of truth.

Jerry64 · 28-05-10 14:47:02

You really can't rush this and, really, why should you when most of the joy is in learning about yourself. Try letting the intensity build up and then ease up for a bit. Do this for a few times and see if your orgasm is stronger. One of the best vibrators is the simple and inexpensive pocket rocket. It's a little noisy but just make sure there's no one about. I have had well over two hundred lovers in my long life and each of those women was unique.

blissed · 28-05-10 18:58:07

Myglasswings sex with yourself is so uncomplicated

Ngaio is the person I'd ask this question of myself and she'll be back from her hols soon.

There is a vibrator that is highly recommended that is featured in one of the videos but I can't find it on a forum search or google. Don't know if anyone else can remember, it's an unusual shape and comes in many colours and is designed to reach your G spot or focus on your clit.

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commie · 28-05-10 23:21:22

I can't give gear advice but I doubt it's all about the tools. States of mind matter. It's easy to settle in a routine and to stop paying attention. I imagine it's important to have the best tools and it's great to be able to talk about how to use them properly but "beautiful moments of truth" are created in one's mind. The truth happens now. Better to enjoy the moments at every step of journey rather than to think about the goal. If you get there it won't be what you imagined and you won't be able to stay there very long anyway.

viva · 31-05-10 03:31:29

glasswings - i just wana give you a huge hug and - dareisayit - your post makes me wish i could take you into my arms and show you how it can happen for you as well. while i cant call myself lesbian or even truly bisexual i have always had this fantasy of helping a girl learn how to orgasm. i think its because i had a similar story to yours. until i was 18 i never had an orgasm, even though i was highly sexualised from a young age. i tortured myself over it, wondering if i was somehow broken, if there was something wrong with me, if the incredible orgasms i read about were something that only other girls could have, or if they even existed at all.

blissed, i think sex with yourself can be the MOST complicated! c'mon - true self-love?! well if you dont like yourself very much, its really hard to give your body the love it needs to come hard! its easy to focus on others, and easy to present yourself as secure and confident to them even when you are not, but once you are alone with yourself there is nothing but truth. when i was young, the person i was most uncomfortable with was myself, because of all this insecurity, and so when it came to being alone and exploring myself, i became quickly bored and insecure and self-punishing and negative and blech.. it was awful.

i bought myself a vibrator online and was really excited when the package arrived. i used it with my panties on and suceeded to have an adorable baby orgasm which was nothing more than a few flutterings and contractions, but i was sure they would improve. they did, but i still didnt know how to really connect with myself through my own fingers and in general, how to take time with myself and shut the whole world out. eventually, turned on at my friends house watching late-night skinamax, everyone asleep, i had no choice but to learn.

dont worry honey, those rockin orgasms are yours to experience, with a little practice and self-attention.

so here is my hokey, cliche yet true advice to you. go to your room, lock your door, light some candles, and put on some porn if you like that. even if you feel silly, try and sensualise your own body - feel your thighs, your breasts, try and make your nipples hard before even removing any clothing. run your hands up and down your torso. strip down to your bra n panties and continue doing the same thing - playing with your nipples, touching your clit through the fabric until you feel like you would like to come... then play a bit with your vibrator until youre quite turned on. pretend someone is watching you, if you like that - i know i do. stop the vibe and continue with your own fingers, make up a fantasy in your head and concentrate on telling yourself a full story, with imagery, really work that imagination. meanwhile dont let yourself come - build it up and stop, switch to vibrator, build it up and stop, switch back etc. when you are really going crazy, and your story is at a particularily good point, build up to your orgasm and let it overpower you - imagine fighting it off but not being able to resist - and most importantly, try not to have expectations about what a "good orgasm" is, or what you should look like when you have one, or any of that crap.

if your orgasm is still fluttery and gentle and disapointing after you approach masturbation like this several times, i would suggest exploring penetration - maybe you need to be fucked in order to really have stars coming out of your head! also anal stimulation can be fantastic.

but until your find that special boy or girl, remember that the more you learn about yourself the better and more fulfilled as a lover you will be! so its a no-lose situation.

ok i will shut up now.... bwee!

ps. love your bic pen story.

blissed · 31-05-10 11:40:32

viva wrote:

blissed, i think sex with yourself can be the MOST complicated! c'mon - true self-love?! .

It wasn't a serious comment just a wry reflection. When people talk about the complexities of a relationship they often say sex with yourself is so uncomplicated

Glasswings, glad you have Viva' s advice now, it's good of the guys here to offer advice but it's obviously not quite the same as another woman sharing her experience. I mentioned Ngaio here before and I've just remembered a great post she made on her blog. Hope it's helpful too. http://niofaps.wordpress.com/2010/02/11 … umber-one/

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viva · 15-06-10 07:02:50

woah... amazing post by ngaio... where did myglasswings go??

ngaio · 16-06-10 02:28:45

Thanks for the plug, Blissed! Haha!

Glass, not sure if you're still at the forums so I'll keep this brief. Don't be disheartened by your first vibrator experience. I've gone through a big collection of vibrators (including the Lelo Nea which got rave reviews but didn't and still doesn't do a thing for me) and some have been real duds while others have been smash hits.

Here are some of my personal preferences:

- Vibrators that are designed for cliteral stimulation rather than fat, wobbling, buzzing cock shaped things.

- Vibrators that are powerful. For really powerful vibrators that can create amazing orgasms, ones that can plug into walls are a great way to go as they have crazy intense vibrations (think the Hitachi Magic Wand which many women swear by). If you're not into the idea of being plugged into a wall, however (which is pretty much where I'm at these days) I find vibrators that attach to a decent amount of batteries tend to have a powerful buzz (makes sense, right?) my current favourite vibe attaches to four AA batteries. I can't remember the name, I'll find out later. It can also vary in its speed and intensity which is always great because you can start slow and build up.

... Those are two "needs" for me but women vary and there are a million different types of vibrators out there. I really hesitate to give advice without having a better idea of what works for you.

By the way, when you go into sex shops don't hesitate to ask to see the vibrators with batteries in them and test them against your nose - the nose is very sensitive so it can help you get a feel for the intensity of the vibration.

Sorry if this is kind of incoherant. I'm recovering from a sinus infection. Lemme know if you have any questions.

Last edited by ngaio (16-06-10 02:29:41)

viva · 16-06-10 07:18:48

wow i am really crazy about the idea of standing in a sex shop and putting one vibe after another on my nose. what a cute thing!

ngaio · 16-06-10 07:47:55

I've done it WITH sex shop assistants! We were comparing opinions about various vibrations, very fun!

blissed · 16-06-10 12:28:03

Ha ha that's great, can some make your eyes water

I've just emailed Glass and it just so happens this week in their latest video Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are talking about their favourite toys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h61AftmSwes

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myglasswings · 16-06-10 21:13:02

OMG. So sorry, guys/gals. I unsubscribed for financial reasons and never realized I could still come on here until my subscription actually ends.

The response to this has me floored. It makes me feel so much more hopeful and, yes, even less insecure about this.

re: Jerry64 - You're right. The joy really should be in getting to know myself. Pocket Rocket's do look like they'd work well for me but the noise is a bit of a problem since I'm in a full house that always has somebody in it at any given time. And wow, over 200? That's amazing!

re: Blissed - Sex with the self is very uncomplicated indeed </sarcasm>. ^_^

re: commie - That makes a lot of sense. "The truth happens now" really spoke to me. And yes, getting stuck into a routine is not very fun. I know that more than once, I'd start off good and then before I know it my hand is still in my pants moving around yet my mind had wondered onto mundane thoughts such as finishing the laundry or what to make for dinner. So yes, state of mind seems key here. Thank you for your great reply!

re: Viva - This reply overwhelmed me! I didn't expect such a detailed reply. I'm flattered by your fantasy! How sweet! As far as sexual orientation goes on my end, I'm most likely a lesbian but I am keeping myself open until I have some experience. Wow, 18? That's admirable! One of the best orgasms I've had happened when I was about 13. I had just watched the movie Cruel Intentions 2 (it wasn't very good) yet was turned on by a scene, so after watching it a few times I went upstairs and rubbed myself against the edge of the bathtub. Unfortunately it only lasted for about 10 seconds, and I've never had anything close to that again, so I definitely know what you mean by thinking it a myth or that you are somehow broken.

You're so right about self-love being more difficult for others. I grew up in a Christian home so obviously there was some sexual opression. If it weren't for my sister, who was quite the rebel, I wouldn't have even known about half the stuff I'm aware of now. Add to it that I didn't really have any friends and never seemed to fit in anywhere, it made me feel even more self-aware. Obviously I wasn't loving myself as much as I should have. That can truly put a damper on the fun.

I think my biggest problem now is that I don't give myself as much time as I should. Usually it's little more than a trip to a convenience store. Get in, get what you need, get out without delay. I'm not sure why I'm like that, but I can see now that it could be causing my orgasms to be dull.

As far as this idea of yours goes, I don't think it's hokey or cliche at all. I will definitely give it a shot next time there aren't so many people at home. I think it will work. Heck, I almost feel turned on just by reading that! My expectations need to be lowered, as you said. Everyone has different triggers and everyone is more or less sensitive in certain areas than other people.

Thank you so much for this wonderful advice. I like it so much, I'm even going to print it out so I'll be sure not to lose it. And yes, my years with bic were fun and innocent. I almost miss those days! haha

myglasswings · 16-06-10 21:15:29

re: ngaio - Thank you for the wonderful advice. I will surely have that in mind during my next trip to the toy store. Also, I'm with all the comments about testing them on your nose sounding totally fun and adorable! I'm so going to try that!

Arcticnick · 30-11-10 11:31:16

viva wrote:

glasswings - i just wana give you a huge hug and - dareisayit - your post makes me wish i could take you into my arms and show you how it can happen for you as well.
so here is my hokey, cliche yet true advice to you. go to your room, lock your door, light some candles, and put on some porn if you like that. even if you feel silly, try and sensualise your own body - feel your thighs, your breasts, try and make your nipples hard before even removing any clothing. run your hands up and down your torso. strip down to your bra n panties and continue doing the same thing - playing with your nipples, touching your clit through the fabric until you feel like you would like to come... then play a bit with your vibrator until youre quite turned on. pretend someone is watching you, if you like that - i know i do. stop the vibe and continue with your own fingers, make up a fantasy in your head and concentrate on telling yourself a full story, with imagery, really work that imagination. meanwhile dont let yourself come - build it up and stop, switch to vibrator, build it up and stop, switch back etc. when you are really going crazy, and your story is at a particularily good point, build up to your orgasm and let it overpower you .

Good luck Glasswings.
Just reading this worked for me!

chmchrischm · 07-12-10 09:37:36

Dear Myglaswings,
In case you may still look up this forum, my hint about your alledged "problem" is that you should not by any means consider it as a problem. You may very well be victim of what I call "the neigbour's syndrome", that is comparing yourself with someone else's apparent experience and wanting "the same". We are all different! The demonstrativeness of someone's pleasure doesn't mean that it is a more fulfilling emotional experience than the apparently quiet and much less "showy" one of another person. Your neigbour's orgasm is hers, yours is yours. And this has nothing to do with technicality. Some (though quite rare) people experience or have once experienced orgasm without even touching themselves. Orgasm isn't a matter of intensity of stimulation, but of imagination! So please go YOUR way, pace by pace, you obviously are discovering yourself and your desire, take your time and build it up your own way. IT'S ALL IN OUR BRAINS, ANYWAY! One "tip" I would dare give to you - but once again, there is no "recipe" good for everyone - try reading erotic literature or porn books written by women authors. This might help you to build up "turn on fantasies"...
chmchrischm, lecturer in sexology

chmchrischm · 07-12-10 10:04:34

Oh, sorry, I'm a little overworked these days, and I forgott to give you another tip: try pelvic gym and genitalia exploration with mirror and fingers, that's all. Do not buy all sorts of devices you would find on Internet - pure business. Pelvic gym can be practiced like any gym, by yourself. The principle is to learn to contract properly your pubococcygian muscles, which are the ones implicated in orgastic contractions. Go to a Family planning center or any women's associative group, they will most certainly have a leaflet telling you exactly how to practice it.
Good luck and my kind regards,
chmchrischm

#1 28-05-10 02:46:07

Question from a virgin

#2 28-05-10 14:47:02

Re: Question from a virgin

#3 28-05-10 18:58:07

Re: Question from a virgin

#4 28-05-10 23:21:22

Re: Question from a virgin

#5 31-05-10 03:31:29

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#6 31-05-10 11:40:32

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#7 15-06-10 07:02:50

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#8 16-06-10 02:28:45

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#9 16-06-10 07:18:48

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#10 16-06-10 07:47:55

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#11 16-06-10 12:28:03

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#12 16-06-10 21:13:02

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#13 16-06-10 21:15:29

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#14 30-11-10 11:31:16

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#15 07-12-10 09:37:36

Re: Question from a virgin

#16 07-12-10 10:04:34

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