#1 06-12-09 12:43:50

richard

Administrator

Registered: 14-03-06

Posts: 3,395

Make Love, not Porn

An excellent rave by Cindy Gallop on TED:

http://blog.ted.com/2009/12/cindy_gallop_ma.php

gala

bonanza jellybean of state

From: melbizzy

Registered: 11-04-06

Posts: 1,553

Website

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Great point, I notice that stuff a fair bit with people who I know have had most of their sexual education from mainstream porn, most specifically in the language they use and the tone with which they use it.  I think also when they know that I 'make porn' (which they sometimes do not actually understand for what it is, but instead think that I am part of the mainstream industry), that they think I expect to hear such things.  It makes them look silly and it makes me really, really bored. 

The problem with getting really deeply into re-creating what you see on the screen of a mainstream porn film is that you sincerely begin to think that it's what you personally find sexy, and you can create a total dependence on that way of being.  I've noticed that a lot of sex-positive sex ed around porn suggests that you watch it with a partner and re-create what you see.  Normally I trust Violet Blue on her pro-porn how-to writing, but she often makes that suggestion that you watch and repeat, which frightens me a little.  I have always been irked by mimicry of what one sees on a screen, which probably has a lot to do with my phobia of the television.  I see no creativity or self-discovery in something like that - I find it un-organic, and I think sex is (or should be) a relatively organic activity that builds its own narrative (with its own dialogue) as it goes. 

I appreciate that she coupled the prevalence of those representations with the absence of counter-education, which makes me feel like more people need to film more real partners because that seems like the most obvious counter-education to me. 

Here's the project she refers to in the talk: http://makelovenotporn.com/

Last edited by gala (07-12-09 03:41:04)

nihpuad

Member

Registered: 24-04-06

Posts: 696

Re: Make Love, not Porn

I had actually seen a link to this talk recently on another blog, but in a context that made me think it was likely to be a generic paleofeminist anti-porn rant, which I didn't think I really needed to hear. Once Richard linked it, though, I guessed that my original assumption was incorrect; I'm glad I checked it out.

I've noticed that a lot of sex-positive sex ed around porn suggests that you watch it with a partner and re-create what you see.  Normally I trust Violet Blue on her pro-porn how-to writing, but she often makes that suggestion that you watch and repeat, which frightens me a little.

The only way I can see that advice making sense is if it's a matter of providing a template for outside-the-box (no pun intended) experimentation. That is, if VB and others were saying that, specifically because it's not what "regular people" do, porn might provide some ideas for occasional walks on the wild side, that might make sense. Otherwise, trying to emulate mainstream porn is asking for disaster... esp. for men (like me) of real-world proportions and stamina! (sigh)

I appreciate that she coupled the prevalence of those representations with the absence of counter-education, which makes me feel like more people need to film more real partners because that seems like the most obvious counter-education to me.

Hear, hear! So... any news on the counter-education front?

gala

bonanza jellybean of state

From: melbizzy

Registered: 11-04-06

Posts: 1,553

Website

Re: Make Love, not Porn

I've been offering really hot people free biscuits to let me film them fucking, but so far, no dice.

I have't asked Charlotte V, though, and I happen to know that biscuits are her kryptonite.

ngaio

Member

Registered: 25-02-09

Posts: 771

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Great talk, ugly freakin' website!

Also, this project has actually been around longer than the website - at least, I remember reading that text and seeing those images at least a year ago but I think even longer. I wasn't a huge fan first time I saw it because I found it a little wishy washy but after listening to the talk, I'm more disposed to like it - I like her attitude which isn't anti porn but really about pro education, dialogue about this stuff, etc. Plus, she's funny. I like funny.

I am having trouble articulating myself as it's a Monday and I have a splitting headache. Thanks for sharing the link, Richard. Good find.

blissed

Member

From: The bus station of the future

Registered: 17-03-06

Posts: 5,622

Re: Make Love, not Porn

I agree, nice talk. and I think she needs to redesign her site too as it misrepresents her completely.  I happened on it a little while ago from a link in a news item that had a typical anti-porn, porn addiction perspective so prefaced by just that article, the site, being completely unsexy, looked like it concurred and was saying,  have sex don't watch porn and I thought this is dumb and wrote a comment saying not all porn is the same and that it's an aphrodisiac and left a link to this site and ISM. 

Her Ted talk puts the site in a completely different light, not only because she say's she likes porn but she is sex positive too. If she could take everything in her talk and use it as the basis for a complete site redesign thats cool and sexy, that would be fabulous and Cindy if your reading this I expect to see that next time I'm there

.

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(Self made tycoon and independant financial advisor to the stars)

CindyG

Member

Registered: 06-12-09

Posts: 1

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Guys - I'm delighted to see this thread about my site.  To do a catch-all response, if you don't mind:

- I actually launched MakeLoveNotPorn at TED 2009 back in February.  It's taken TEd nearly a year to get up the courage to post my talk online - and they have not posted it on TED.com, but on the TEDBlog and on YouTube.  So yes, the site has been up for a while.
- I put the site up on no money, which is why it is so nascent and basic.  I have some very specific development plans for MakeLoveNotPorn, but I need to find funding via broadminded/farsighted investors, which is not easy - MakeLoveNotPorn is a side venture for me (check out my main venture www.ifwerantheworld.com, launching in private beta in Jan) and so I cannot afford to dedicate time and resources to it unless I find funding.
- I absolutely want to take MakeLoveNotPorn a LOT further in a way that would address what you are talking about, specifically around makelovenotporn.tv, but again can only do so with funding.
- please can I urge all of you, when you have a moment, to please go to YouTube and, ahem, rebalance the comment stream somewhat?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8n_E_6Tpc

Many thanks and all the best,
Cindy Gallop
www.cindygallop.com

blissed

Member

From: The bus station of the future

Registered: 17-03-06

Posts: 5,622

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Hi Cindy welcome to the forum. Comment stream now starting to rebalance   As a viral medium I think Ted is much bigger than one TV appearance and as I say in my youtube comment I hope your talk opens up some good opportunities for you.

Anyway about my youtube name, ohgreatwiseone seemed like a good idea at the time

.

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(Self made tycoon and independant financial advisor to the stars)

nihpuad

Member

Registered: 24-04-06

Posts: 696

Re: Make Love, not Porn

I've been offering really hot people free biscuits to let me film them fucking, but so far, no dice.

You wouldn't need any biscuits to convince me, but airfare to Australia might be a bit of a sticking point. Plus which, nobody's ever described me as "really hot." And then there's the small matter of selling my wife on the idea.

Other than that, though, I don't see a problem!

blissed

Member

From: The bus station of the future

Registered: 17-03-06

Posts: 5,622

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Comment stream is now interesting, I like coreyti's contributions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8n_E_6Tpc

.

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(Self made tycoon and independant financial advisor to the stars)

ngaio

Member

Registered: 25-02-09

Posts: 771

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Cindy, awesome and exciting to have you comment here. I've been meaning to comment on the Youtube video but I find it hard to get the energy as it has been my general experience and observation that Youtube comments tend to be idiotic and infuriating and whenever I have attempted to engage in discussions on Youtube in the past, it's ended in flame wars where for some reason I get called "faggot".

Youtube comment whinging aside, love what you're doing and keep it up! Gush gush!

blissed

Member

From: The bus station of the future

Registered: 17-03-06

Posts: 5,622

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Faggots are nice, before I was veggie I use to eat them. If people in the USA found out how nice they are it would throw the insult faggot off balance or even push it over. You can't call someone a faggot in Britain, it's a bit like calling them a sausage.

25g/1oz unsalted butter
1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped
175g/6oz minced pigs' liver
2 lamb or pigs' heart, trimmed and cut into chunks
450g/1lb belly of pork, trimmed and rind removed
½ tsp mace
4tbsp freshly chopped chives
1 tsp freshly chopped sage
1 egg, beaten
salt and freshly ground pepper
115g/4oz fresh white bread crumbs
25g/1oz beef dripping or 3 tbsp olive oil

Something had to die to make it, so it's just the kind of heart threatening high calorie food the majority macho homophobe demographic would love.

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(Self made tycoon and independant financial advisor to the stars)

ngaio

Member

Registered: 25-02-09

Posts: 771

Re: Make Love, not Porn

Oh man, British food. Until recently, New Zealand cuisine seemed to be greatly influenced by certain British fare. I grew up on many a stodgy boiled potatoe and grey meat meal, ack!

Last edited by ngaio (22-12-09 07:47:04)