Dearest Gala

4littlebird · 21-11-09 00:09:16

I have come in and out of membership over the years, depending on my finances, and I am so happy to be back in IFM land. This website, and your spoken material specifically, have contributed so much to my sexual identity. There is such thought and intention that goes into your pieces, and your musings have helped me become more deliberate in my sexuality. The diary work you've done recently is fascinating, and I feel that I grow whenever I watch your "lubrications." I have gone through a great deal this year, and in so doing I have definitely lost the sense of presence I had in my body, because I was spending a lot of time reflecting the presentations of other people. Your spoken work always inspires a sense of presence in my own body. I wanted to just share this with you, and I would love to hear from any others who have thoughts about presence in their own bodies.

Love,

4littlebird

gala · 23-11-09 01:51:01

Hello, I remember you, you've said lovely things before. Nice to see you back and that you're still gaining from what we're doing.

It's interesting that you talk about having presence in your body, as I am specifically lacking that at this moment in time. I think that unless your lifestyle is really geared toward that presence (through things like yoga, awareness of diet, etc), you have to constantly check in to see what degree of presence you're working with at any moment. Sometimes I lose that completely and it takes me awhile to realise that that's what's happened, and then I get some fear about that and rush to yoga or sex or fresh juice or whatever it is that I think will bring me back into that state of awareness.

But referring specifically to what you know of me, which is mostly through videos of me, I should note that by its nature a camera will make you instantly more aware of yourself and your interactions with your surrounds, which can actually make it a relatively therapeutic thing to engage with. I have done enough work with the camera now to have some conditioning around it - camera equals bodily presence, because it is my body that the camera is there to scrutinize / document / share. So I guess (and of course this varies from day to day, shoot to shoot, with whatever's happening for me at that moment) the camera actually makes it easier to sink into that presence because that's the reason that me and the camera have come together in the room. I don't know whether that would work with other on-camera activities that were not sexual, because I haven't really tried, but I know that it does have a very certain effect in this particular space.

One thing that someone told me once as a good way to try to stay present in one's body is just directing your attention towards the points of contact each part of your body has with something else. It's easier to do with physical objects or surfaces than it is with air, but either way, it's a good way to just refresh your understanding of what's happening in the universe of your body.

Thanks for your kind words and your appreciation for the diary. You're like a best-case scenario for me in my work, and it's good to hear from you because it works to balance my experience of releasing that project. Best wishes to you and enjoy your own presence!

Last edited by gala (23-11-09 01:52:34)

4littlebird · 23-11-09 08:29:33

Hm, I'm not sure I understand, or maybe you don't understand me. What I think you're saying is that yes, you are able to be more present with the camera because of the nature of how you are using it. But the times when I see how lucidly present you are and self-aware are not the times when you are using it sexually. Actually, I go to IFM much more for the non-sexual videos, and the videos in which you are discussing the diary are much more engaging for me than the sexual videos. For me, IFM is a very therapeutic place because of the thoughtful ways the women (and I must say, you in particular) discuss their own sexuality. I definitely see where you're coming from when you say that the camera helps ground you in your body because of how you're using it, and I can imagine that even if you're using it to discuss sex, these are still moments when you're working through that awareness. However, in what you say, it seems like you are looking very critically at your sexuality and sexuality in general, in ways that I find to be so engaging! Almost every time I come on here, I will start out with sexual purposes, but I can hardly get through one video before I go to the lubrications and just get hooked into what you and some of the other women are working through.

In terms of being more present, I think that it is definitely something that you have to be very deliberate in making happen. For me, it is always about making a decision to do things for me instead of for potential partners. Things like yoga and nutrition do help, but I think there is another aspect. Have you ever noticed that children do not have the same separation of mind and spirit? In a Special Ed. conference I attended recently, a behavior specialist was talking about how when a four-year-old is mad, their mouth is mad, their back is mad, their arms are mad. Their whole self is mad, so they express their emotions in very bodily ways. I think that when we replace bodily emotional expression with words, we can lose our presence with ourselves. By using words, you have to begin to tailor your expression so that the people around you understand. When you embody your emotions, it is purely internal and for yourself. I think that that tailoring-of-words-to-meet-others'- needs can easily become tailoring-body-to-meet-others'-needs. [this is all half-baked ruminating, so bear with me] Our emotions stop being self-referential. I think that what I admire in what you're discussing is your willingness to be self-referential in your emotions and sexuality. And you're really thinking about what your sexuality serves or negates in you. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. But I guess all I can say in the end is that your self-work is really helping and encouraging my own self-work........

#1 21-11-09 00:09:16

Dearest Gala

#2 23-11-09 01:51:01

Re: Dearest Gala

#3 23-11-09 08:29:33

Re: Dearest Gala

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