Feeling guilty masturbating

BelgianDude · 12-07-09 12:54:23

Masturbating, I think, is an essential part of anyone's life, and it's beneficial effects are too documented to deny that it's good for you. However, me being raised as a catholic, I've always felt kinda guilty while doing it... I've always felt that what I did I did to "relieve the pressure", and it's a dirty, nasty thing to do, like a dark secret you carry with you. A feeling that persisted even when I became a full-blown atheïst at 18. It actually wasn't until I discovered IFM that I truly let go of the guilt and started enjoying feeling myself... Me being a guy and masturbating a LOT, finding IFM was thus one of the turning-for-the-better-points in my life. I wonder, does anyone here has experienced the same form of liberation in her/his life?

moldenke · 12-07-09 17:50:11

I don't feel even remotely guilty about it anymore, but I grew up a devout church-goer and definitely had that guilt. There are two things that gave me that guilt: I had some conception of it being bad according to my religion, and my parents specifically told me masturbating was bad. You see, I figured out how to masturbate when I was three years old, which meant that I didn't realize it was something I needed to do in private. Instead of my parents telling me I needed to do that only in private, they told me I shouldn't do it at all and made me feel very guilty about it. I think that eventually they succeeded and I stopped for a few years, but then I learned I had to do it secretly--and all the while, I realized I was being 'bad.'

I can't say when I got past that guilt. I remember that guilt being a springboard to turn me away from religion right around when I was 17 or 18 or so: I said to myself, 'If God doesn't want me enjoying this pleasurable thing, then God's an asshole, and I don't care what God thinks.' Considering myself agnostic now, I suppose that I still embrace this philosophy ten years later...though I don't care enough to call God an 'asshole.' I don't know anything about God if God exists...and don't care either way. If there is a God, I'll find out someday--or not. Either way, it doesn't affect my life.

I seem to have gotten a bit off-topic, there: yes, I had that guilt, but it's such a distant memory. I remember when I was 14 or 15 or so I would try to restrict myself to masturbating once a week--or to go a week at a time or so without masturbating. If I 'failed,' when I was at church that Sunday, I would feel exceptionally guilty.

I got over it, though. I don't know how, but I figure it was just through time and becoming a more well-informed person about myself and about the world. I suspect that it still has lingering effects on my sexuality, because I'm still very much apprehensive about it and meek in its face (I'm 27 and still a virgin, for crying out loud), but it's different. I don't feel that guilt directly. I don't think that masturbating is bad and I don't think that 'fornication' is bad. I just enjoy it/will when it happens.

blissed · 13-07-09 00:14:39

moldenke wrote:

(I'm 27 and still a virgin, for crying out loud)

Don't fret, your blissfully free of any STD's or relationship trauma :) but I think if your lucky enough to meet someone who likes you wether your having sex or not and you relax together they could help you.

or

If proper sexual therapy is legal in Canada next year you could go there and legally see someone you can talk to, relax and touch while clothed to help free you of your frigidity. That would give you a bit of confidence and make it easier for you find a partner or if you wanted to and they were good a sexual therapist could relieve you of your virginity, explore your desires and help you find your own direction with full sexual empowerment and confidence.

I think both solutions depend on meeting someone special who's empathic with a caring nature who you repay with satisfaction and money in the 2nd solution and love in the 1st. Sorry to focus on that comment you made but it just got me thinking, hope what I thunk helps :)

.

blissed · 13-07-09 00:36:42

BelgianDude wrote:

Masturbating, I think, is an essential part of anyone's life, and it's beneficial effects are too documented to deny that it's good for you. However, me being raised as a catholic, I've always felt kinda guilty while doing it... I've always felt that what I did I did to "relieve the pressure", and it's a dirty, nasty thing to do, like a dark secret you carry with you. A feeling that persisted even when I became a full-blown atheïst at 18.
It actually wasn't until I discovered IFM that I truly let go of the guilt and started enjoying feeling myself...
Me being a guy and masturbating a LOT, finding IFM was thus one of the turning-for-the-better-points in my life. I wonder, does anyone here has experienced the same form of liberation in her/his life?

A lot of porn actually maintains the guilt factor because it seems to ignore and debase female sexuality and without that, sex simply just doesn't happen, so when you use that porn for sexual inspiration that absence of female approval and participation makes you feel like a complete "wanker" and loser, when in fact wanking for both sexes is part of our sexuality.

.

BelgianDude · 13-07-09 13:30:32

You nailed it blissed... I guess that's why I rarely watch mainstreem porn anymore. Watching IFM vids indeed changed my view of sexuality from the one I had. Being inbetween the catholic view (only for reproduction, marriage first, turn the f**** lights of 'cause it's dirty) and the male-orientated agressive porn view, was indeed a very uncomfortable and unhealthy place to be. I just never knew there was anything outside that, until I found IFM. And with it, ISM, and Abby Winters, and all the other forms of "positive porn" that are out there

moldenke · 13-07-09 22:50:13

Thanks for your suggestions, blissed--I had no idea there was something such as a sex therapist like THAT. Pretty interesting.

Perhaps my comment was exaggerating a bit. I am still a virgin, but it's not as big of a deal as I may have suggested. It certainly WAS a big deal to me for a lot of years, but I've had experiences that have gotten me around that. I've actually spent a lot of time lately, too, hanging around with a girl who's also a virgin and who I'm starting to like a lot...if things work out, that will be perfect for me. I suppose, then, we can be each others' sex therapists.

blissed · 14-07-09 00:24:39

The therapists are in Holland and I saw a TV doc about them ages ago, they do pretty much what I imagine many sex workers can do anywhere else but in Holland their talents were recognized by doctors and prescribed Yay!!

Hope things work out with you and this girl. If your both on facebook heart to heart chats are so easy.

.

hyperballad · 14-07-09 01:33:05

I was never taught to feel guilty, I just wasn't taught anything at all. Like ever.

My parents were protective to the point of ridiculousness. It left myself and my sister without any sort of sexual knowledge or smarts... My mum is Christian and my dad is this staunch hardened Scotsman and they decided we weren't to hear about sex/masturbation etc ect, they censored our tv, books and anything else aside from school taught sex-ed. (Which was laughable, incidentally)

All of a sudden at the age of 13 my mum tried to tell me how to just say "No" to sex or the advances of boys who wanted to get in my pants, because by then I had the body of a woman and she figured I'd be getting a bunch of attention - which I was and just did not understand what the fuck was going on.

I only discovered my clitoris at the age of 16, but haven't looked back since then. Never felt guilty about wanking, I always rationalised that I was doing it to myself and not someone else. I did however feel really guilty about sex, especially while I was living under my parents roof. Because I knew how much they didn't want me to be sexually active with anyone. I was only there until just after my 18th birthday, but I had a bunch of sex with a few different guys there and felt like such a whore...

My sexlife really began when I moved out of there and felt free and uninhibited to do my thing, however I wanted and whenever I wanted. It was *awesome*.

Folly · 14-07-09 02:26:56

I remember in the early years at my all girls catholic high school when we were having sex ed and we had to write questions anonymously on paper and put them in a box and the teacher would answer them.
Someone asked something about masturbation (a word I had not even heard before - my mother's own sex talks had never mentioned it) and there were snorts and degrading giggles across the room. The teacher looked like something that should never be mentioned had been brought up and I don't think she ever answered the question properly. I certainly wasn't going to ask my classmates what it was after that reaction, so it gave me that guilt that it is something unmentionable.
Throughout highschool although my friends and I covered many topics, no one ever admitted to masturbating. So yeah, it definitely had that forbidden feel to it.
However now I am an advocate, and I'm encouraging my poor little sister who still hasn't had an orgasm that (solo)practise makes perfect.

artist_charlotte_v · 14-07-09 12:26:54

moldenke wrote:

I've actually spent a lot of time lately, too, hanging around with a girl who's also a virgin and who I'm starting to like a lot...if things work out, that will be perfect for me.

This is where I flash you a smile and a thumbs up... good luck!

artist_charlotte_v · 14-07-09 12:30:46

BelgianDude wrote:

It actually wasn't until I discovered IFM that I truly let go of the guilt and started enjoying feeling myself... Me being a guy and masturbating a LOT, finding IFM was thus one of the turning-for-the-better-points in my life. I wonder, does anyone here has experienced the same form of liberation in her/his life?

You know what? Next time someone tries to cast judgement on me for my involvement in porn I will direct them to this quote.

steelsteve54 · 25-07-09 03:59:23

I have many years of experience and felt the guilt for many many years, I got over it. I enjoy it, i don't harm anyone, i keep it mostly to myself, but the internet opened my eyes to the truth that it was ok.

I hate porn and abusive sex, I love this site for the erotica, and clean self pleasure and quality presentation.

Masturbation is ok, if no one has ever said that to you it is ok.

theant · 26-07-09 00:16:49

I don't think I ever felt guilty as such, but in my 20s I developed a strange superstition - if an important event was coming up in my life I felt that I had to stop masturbating or it would all go wrong. Maybe that's a kind of unconscious guilt. Anyway, I got over it by the time I was 30. I'm not sure how or why, but probably because I was weak enough to break the superstition and discovered that my life didn't fall apart.

danygirl65 · 29-07-09 20:52:03

The first time i discovert masturbation, was around 14Y, and yeap it was my best friend who told me about it!!!! She was 16Y at that time and i remember we were talking about boys, and kissing, petting you know that, and sex came on the subject and to make a short story, she teach me about it. The same nite you bet that i try...with a negative result but few days later i try again just to find the best personal experience i ever had, i had no orgasm at those moment well not the one that have today, but just for the purpose of the conversation here, i am masturbate myself about one of every two days! Never felt ashame about it always enjoying the pleasure that i give to myself.
Most of the time it is when i go to sleep, but sometime i have an urge and it could be in mid-day! I just love it it is part of me.

When i am with a partner, surely we make love, but in the end i like that he or she bring me to the big "O" eheheh! Sometime i do it myself while they watch...

Reminber: Never feel guilty!!!!! It is your own body, and you do the best to learne about it...

steveg2550 · 30-07-09 11:53:38

I can honestly say that I have "never" felt any guilt about masturbating. I do it a lot. I love masturbating. I also love mutual masturbation with friends or a lover. I love being watched as I masturbate. I love watching my friends or lover as they are masturbating. It's all good!

#1 12-07-09 12:54:23

Feeling guilty masturbating

#2 12-07-09 17:50:11

Re: Feeling guilty masturbating

#3 13-07-09 00:14:39

Re: Feeling guilty masturbating

#4 13-07-09 00:36:42

Re: Feeling guilty masturbating

#5 13-07-09 13:30:32

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#6 13-07-09 22:50:13

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#7 14-07-09 00:24:39

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#8 14-07-09 01:33:05

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#9 14-07-09 02:26:56

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#10 14-07-09 12:26:54

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#11 14-07-09 12:30:46

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#12 25-07-09 03:59:23

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#13 26-07-09 00:16:49

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#14 29-07-09 20:52:03

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#15 30-07-09 11:53:38

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