how do i get my wife to enjoy?

masturbationart · 10-12-08 03:01:52

I love the videos here. It's so classy and not porn. but: how do i get my wife to join in the fun??

gala · 10-12-08 03:08:00

You may start by showing it to her. It's a wild idea but it just might work.

DrNathaniel · 05-01-09 20:58:39

Gala - glibly amusing, but I think it's a topic that bears some discussion. There's the whole question of tact. Most people, even those who work for erotic websites, might be slightly taken aback if their loved ones suddenly flashed some variety of porn at you during dinner.

Approaching the topic in conversation isn't easier either: "I like to watch women masturbate, and I've been paying for the privilege. Want to see?" Unless you're pretty sure what her reaction will be BEFORE you do it, this could be disastrous.

Bad: "Eww! What made you think I would like that?"
Worse: "You're WHAT? We need that money to buy new baby shoes!"

So, the question really is - what do you start the conversation with? In particular, how do you start the conversation if your sexual relationship is kind of stagnant?

(P.S. This sort of thing may not be up your alley, Gala - I doubt your sexual relationships are very stagnant, given what I've read from you. I could be wrong, of course, but I suspect a woman of your age, looks, attitude, and occupation might be slightly more active than many of the customers of the site.)

midnightcat · 05-01-09 23:34:26

But then, if the relationship were that constrained it wouldn't even be worth starting the conversation, as you would know the consequences. And I agree that you can't sell IFM without letting someone see an example. I would suggest kicking off with a conversation about porn or about what is sexy in films or photos, then saying "I know something that's like porn but really different." What IFM is perhaps more like is the way teenagers experiment with sexual boundaries by showing before they touch, sharing their sexual feelings and reactions without actually having sex. Not that IFM is adolescent in itself, but I think it reclaims some suppressed vibes of adolescent sexuality within the adult in order to renew the capacity for disclosure and emotionally naked experience.

blissed · 06-01-09 00:52:18

masturbationart wrote:

I love the videos here. It's so classy and not porn. but: how do i get my wife to join in the fun??

I don't know if your in this category masturbationart but reading the thread so far I've got an idea that may be useful to anyone who's having long term partner sex problems.

The usual scenario is you start to use porn and your libido warps and drifts away to crave an exaggerated female sexuality up against which your wife would feel inadequate and that would leave you feeling uninterested in her. Thats what she's expecting if you told her you are sexually inspired by porn.

So my idea is to do the opposite to that,

and to go to ishotmyself.com and find as many people there who share your wife's age and appearance or just the things about her that you find arousing, (there are other sources on the web too but I've found ISM is the most real and therefore the most effective.) take some time to enjoy being aroused by what you've found and after a while your mind will start to want or crave her and your libido and subconscious sexual responses should be more tuned and turned onto what she can share with you.

Then share this with her and let it be clear that she is the subject of your desire and both start an honest conversation about your desires and what you can do for each other. Nobody is obviously gonna make one person their sole subject of desire all their life (we all fantasize about all sorts of people) but I think it pays to invest in a sexual relationship to keep it alive as much as you would any long-term friendship.

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DrNathaniel · 06-01-09 06:53:50

blissed wrote:

and to go to ishotmyself.com and find as many people there who share your wife's age and appearance or just the things about her that you find arousing

This I think is good advice regardless of the sharing aspect. I've been doing it crudely for a few years now and it's made me appreciate my lover/fiance/spouse (in that order) much more so. I was surprised to find that you can actually change your sexual preferences and fantasies a little bit by concentrating on the things you WANT to like. For similar reasons, I try to avoid erotica involving very young teenagers - I don't WANT to look at them sexually (in real life).

Weird, but true: sexual tastes are, to at least some extent, malleable.

#1 10-12-08 03:01:52

how do i get my wife to enjoy?

#2 10-12-08 03:08:00

Re: how do i get my wife to enjoy?

#3 05-01-09 20:58:39

Re: how do i get my wife to enjoy?

#4 05-01-09 23:34:26

Re: how do i get my wife to enjoy?

#5 06-01-09 00:52:18

Re: how do i get my wife to enjoy?

#6 06-01-09 06:53:50

Re: how do i get my wife to enjoy?

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