#1 23-09-08 15:40:57

skjrauld

Member

Registered: 23-09-08

Posts: 4

My gf can't cum

Hi guys,

This is certainly not a new one.  My girlfriend can't achieve orgasm, either wih me or alone.  She gets so far and then it gets too intense and she/we have to stop whatever we're doing.  This is the same for both clitoral and vaginal stim.  She's scared I'm gonna leave her if it doesn't change (not true in the slightest). 

We have a great relationship, and are completely open, but this is getting both of us down.  Neither of us want to accept that an orgasm will never happen for her, and indeed the fact that it seems to be a physical rather than psychological thing gives us hope.  It always seems so close each time!   

She didn't really wank as a teenager.  Do you think it might be that some serious body exploration is needed?  Have any of you ladies been in the same position?  Any ideas gratefully received.

gala

bonanza jellybean of state

From: melbizzy

Registered: 11-04-06

Posts: 1,553

Website

Re: My gf can't cum

Depending on where she is in regards to her own knowledge about her body, I'd recommend she read anything by Betty Dodson (Sex for One is the classic).  She's the godmother of masturbation.  In some parts of the world there are even workshops for folks about patient self-love.  And I think sex counselling is a really valid way to deal with this sort of thing.  It's also about deconstructing that pressure to orgasm - sometimes the pressure of wanting or expecting to do so can be precisely the wall you hit when you're almost there, and that can kill the experience.  A space where she can get lost in sensation without being conscious of any sort of goal would probably be a healthy way for her to try to work some of this out.  If she's into that sort of thing, she might also try energy work or anything that just brings awareness to her body.  Yoga, exercise, etc.  There are also lots of toys out there that are meant to bring very specific stimulation to very specific parts of the female anatomy, and that can be really helpful for figuring out exactly what needs to happen for her.

There are also people in the world who are anorgasmic.  Someday I plan to look all of them up and give them orgasms.

Soberman

Member

Registered: 18-10-07

Posts: 151

Re: My gf can't cum

Bravo, Gala. A noble goal.

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Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.

phexy

Member

Registered: 28-05-07

Posts: 71

Re: My gf can't cum

Pelvic floor excersises (kegel, i think it's called) can be helpful to strengthen the muscles used when you orgasm. I've found this a good way to have more intense and multiple orgasms.

I've always been a believer in the importance of your mindset on whether you can reach orgasm or not. Putting any kind of pressure to have an orgasm can put a HUGE strain on this ability (read: not gonna happen mate!). In my past experiences when I simply wasn't "in-the-mood", I felt even more so obligated to cum, and consepuently never did in those certain circumstances.

Besides, you are actually quite lucky she is open and honest enough with you to let you know this is a problem for her, instead of faking it, because trust me, if you're faking it with someone simply to please them (help them think they're a god in the sack!), you're probably never going to share a real orgasm with that person.

Good luck though, patience is definately a virtue in this situation. And orgasming during sex (for me anyway) isn't ever the be-all-and-end-all with sex. Even without a "climax", sex feels amazing when you're with the right person!

ms_eloise

Member

From: paradise

Registered: 12-09-08

Posts: 23

Re: My gf can't cum

Yeah Phexy - go the kegels! And skjrauld you and your gf might want to check out more information on pelvic floor exercise and sex here and also some discussion on female orgasm in this thread

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orgiastically yours : > e

skjrauld

Member

Registered: 23-09-08

Posts: 4

Re: My gf can't cum

Cheers guys for you advice.  I completely see what you're on about with the pressure thing - unfortunately, sex is the kind of situation where the pressure kind of "hangs there".  Luckily, faking is not even a considered option (phew).  She's over my shoulder while I write this!

We're gonna have a look at all the different techniques thegirls on here use as well.  Sex therapy porn certainly seems to be the way forward!  ;-)

S

phexy

Member

Registered: 28-05-07

Posts: 71

Re: My gf can't cum

Great idea skjrauld - trust me one this one, I've learnt SO much since working here, sometimes it scares my partners!

DrNathaniel

Member

Registered: 06-05-08

Posts: 23

Re: My gf can't cum

Quick question, possibly a long shot:
Is she on anti-seizure medication?

I had a girlfriend once who, although liking sex, could not come either. (Happily, she still liked sex.) However, she was mildly epileptic and regularly took meds to reduce the symptoms.   I never put the two together, but found out much later that these meds, which generally reduce basal neuron activity, can have this side effect.

In any case, she might want to check a doctor.  There can be physical reasons for this sort of thing. Worth a try.

skjrauld

Member

Registered: 23-09-08

Posts: 4

Re: My gf can't cum

She's not on any medication.  We have been to the doctor about this and she changed her pill.  We never even thought of this (and my gf is a doctor!).  Her finding time on her own when she's not cripplingly tired is, however an issue.  Still, our investment in some candles, insense and a 'rock-chick' might go some way.  When she finds it, it's gonna be good!

We're both still interested in hearing how other girls learned to cum.

S