Masturbation in a Relationship...

smallville · 26-09-08 22:15:48

After a hot make-out session on a recent date I went on I was congratulating myself on finding someone with whom I shared good sexual chemistry. That is, until she told me that she never really masturbates. "No? Never?" "When you have someone you shouldn't have to." she said. The conversation continued and she described how distraught she was when she discovered her ex masturbating on the couch. I quickly became disillusioned with what I was hearing. If I caught my partner masturbating I'd drop my trunks and jump in. For me, when it comes to relationships, not being comfortable with masturbation is a dealbreaker.

Unfortunately this is not an isolated case where I've met someone in my private life who regards self-love as taboo while in a relationship. My question is, what gives? I'm determined to figure this out. I'm 31 and usually date women my age or a bit older (nothing against younger ladies). Is this an age thing? I've noticed most of the contributors here are in their early to mid twenties. Do women generally grow out of masturbation? I know the answer should be no, but my personal experience says yes.

blissed · 26-09-08 22:25:41

smallville wrote:

Imagination is more important than knowledge.

Unless your a doctor :)

I don't think people grow out of masturbation, it's just there as an option, she's treating it as if your cheating on her by making love to yourself :) Lol

.

bigrig · 27-09-08 15:30:58

Perhaps it may be a guilt thing stemming from an event in early childhood (ie;don't touch yourself syndrome). I also dated a woman who said she would never masturbate. She loved being stimulated by me, and would orgasm easily, but she said she couldn't do it herself.
It would be something I think you would want to sit down and really discuss. It may just be a hurdle she is afraid to broach.

Soberman · 27-09-08 19:01:28

From my personal experiences, some women simply are uncomfortable with masturbating whether it be in front of someone or alone. It's not the plague, you know. If I felt the way Smallville did, I'm sure I would have missed out on some fantastic lovers. I do, however, have a question for Smallville. If you have the predilection you describe, how do you navigate your relationships? I suspect you don't begin a sexual relationship by having your potential lover fill out a questionaire. At what point do you up and say, 'do you like to play with yourself?' Certainly, at an early stage of a relationship, partners may have a number of sexual issues. The point of a relationship is that its partners talk about issues and make the effort to work out and through them. Otherwise, just call it fucking and enjoy yourself in the moment. Perhaps as you get older, you may find someone who, except for the self-love issue, is wonderful in all other respects in which case breaking the deal may not be the right business decision. If you do, I hope she doesn;t turn to you one day and say, "Honey, I'd like to give you head on the roof of a moving car," you say "no way, that's insane" and she says "well, good-bye, then."

smallville · 27-09-08 23:48:10

Soberman wrote:

From my personal experiences, some women simply are uncomfortable with masturbating whether it be in front of someone or alone. It's not the plague, you know.

Well you're right. It's not toxic to not like masturbation but I feel someone must have some issues with their sexuality if they're not comfortable touching themselves. It's like kissing, cuddling and fucking, I can't think of anything about it that isn't wonderful.

Soberman wrote:

I do, however, have a question for Smallville. If you have the predilection you describe, how do you navigate your relationships? I suspect you don't begin a sexual relationship by having your potential lover fill out a questionaire.

Lol. No.

Soberman wrote:

At what point do you up and say, 'do you like to play with yourself?'

I don't. Masturbation is part of most peoples lives so I think it's fair to assume that they enjoy it. Which is why I'm surprised to have met more than one woman who doesn't.

Last edited by smallville (29-09-08 08:24:18)

gala · 29-09-08 01:40:20

I don't think that not being into masturbation is necessarily indicative of a problem-ridden sexuality. People enjoy sex in lots of ways and for some folks it's really about the exchange with another. However if you never even try it, not even a little, then I think there's a little more reason for concern. If you've tried it and it's not for you, if it's missing the spark of another presence, fair enough, you at least have a considered preference. That being said, the people I know who are most sexually active / exploratory are avid masturbators. But I know a very specific sample of the population.

Last edited by gala (29-09-08 01:43:43)

smallville · 29-09-08 08:35:55

gala wrote:

That being said, the people I know who are most sexually active / exploratory are avid masturbators. But I know a very specific sample of the population.

Well you work at IFM. The people you know are bound to be cool.

bigrig · 29-09-08 18:16:50

Some of the most erotic, intense sex comes from masturbation with your partner. I love laying on the couch or bed, both tired but not sleepy, just relaxing. Slowly start massaging, touching, then softly just working down, and finally just barely touching her.
Or waking up in the morning and finding her slowly stroking me.
Incredible. Great foreplay as well.

#1 26-09-08 22:15:48

Masturbation in a Relationship...

#2 26-09-08 22:25:41

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#3 27-09-08 15:30:58

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#4 27-09-08 19:01:28

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#5 27-09-08 23:48:10

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#6 29-09-08 01:40:20

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#7 29-09-08 08:35:55

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

#8 29-09-08 18:16:50

Re: Masturbation in a Relationship...

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