Would you rather...?

Mikaela · 11-10-22 06:52:14

Would you rather...
- never receive oral sex again OR
- never give oral sex again

bonus points for an explanation!

Mew · 11-10-22 07:37:10

Oh nooooo Mikaela you are EVIL!!!! Whyyyyy?!?! Lolollll - as much as this SUCKS to choose I would pick never to receive it again, giving oral is a MASSIVE turn on for me so not being able to do it would be torture (mind you it has been a MINUTE for me...)

The pleasure I receive from oral is largely in my head, the idea of it and the power play and the visuals moreso than the act of it and the sensations themselves - it took a long time to get comfortable with receiving in general tbh

smoothed · 11-10-22 09:32:30

I love this question! It's a real convo-starter.

For me, this is easy. I would never receive oral sex again. I have very mild phimosis, and oral sex can get too intense for me to orgasm from it.

Plus, I love the tang of a moist vulva.

I agree with Mew though, oral sex is another means for engendering intimacy. It's about communicating trust and vulnerability.

To clarify though, does no oral sex mean no kissing on genitals also?

Last edited by smoothed (11-10-22 09:33:41)

Mikaela · 14-10-22 03:22:39

For the purpose of this hypothetical dilemma, a kiss on the genitals would not be considered oral (unless there was tongue involved!)

smoothed wrote:

I love this question! It's a real convo-starter.
For me, this is easy. I would never receive oral sex again. I have very mild phimosis, and oral sex can get too intense for me to orgasm from it.
Plus, I love the tang of a moist vulva.
I agree with Mew though, oral sex is another means for engendering intimacy. It's about communicating trust and vulnerability.
To clarify though, does no oral sex mean no kissing on genitals also?

Mikaela · 14-10-22 03:24:16

Being comfortable receiving oral is something I am still working on myself! I think for me it's a similar thing, the concept of someone giving me oral is hot, but the reality is not so straightforward.

Mew wrote:

Oh nooooo Mikaela you are EVIL!!!! Whyyyyy?!?! Lolollll - as much as this SUCKS to choose I would pick never to receive it again, giving oral is a MASSIVE turn on for me so not being able to do it would be torture (mind you it has been a MINUTE for me...)
The pleasure I receive from oral is largely in my head, the idea of it and the power play and the visuals moreso than the act of it and the sensations themselves - it took a long time to get comfortable with receiving in general tbh

Mikaela · 14-10-22 03:27:45

This was an easy one for me - i'd happily give up receiving oral without hesitation!

Giving oral physically turns me on - like dripping wet turned on. But it's also a huge mental turn on for me - it's an activity that fits really well into my service kink. I love learning how a new lover wants their cock sucked, and being trained to do it just right for them.

BadSeed · 14-10-22 04:37:01

I would definitely rather give up receiving oral. There are few things I enjoy more than going down on a woman. I enjoy giving pleasure for the sake of giving pleasure, but it’s also a massive turn on for me. I’ve nearly come before while licking (and fingering) a woman with no other stimulation than the sights, sounds, smell and taste.

Trupe70 · 15-10-22 19:19:48

I would rather give up receiving oral sex. To be sure, this is definitely a Sophie’s choice, as both are an amazing experience. But there’s other ways to lubricate ones reproductive organs (handjobs for example feel almost as good as blowjobs). But there isn’t anything that could come close to replicating the sensation of hearing a woman’s sexual moan as she’s receiving cunnilingus. Plus the sex feels way better when the vagina is lubricated.

Mikaela · 17-10-22 04:06:59

Thanks for your insight - I have actually learnt to come from giving oral, particularly deep throating (if someone had of suggested this to me a few years ago, I would have never thought it possible!).

BadSeed wrote:

I would definitely rather give up receiving oral. There are few things I enjoy more than going down on a woman. I enjoy giving pleasure for the sake of giving pleasure, but it’s also a massive turn on for me. I’ve nearly come before while licking (and fingering) a woman with no other stimulation than the sights, sounds, smell and taste.

BadSeed · 18-10-22 08:26:48

That’s amazing that you can come from deep throating. But then, I shouldn’t be surprised - you’re amazing!

Mikaela wrote:

Thanks for your insight - I have actually learnt to come from giving oral, particularly deep throating (if someone had of suggested this to me a few years ago, I would have never thought it possible!)

BadSeed wrote:
I would definitely rather give up receiving oral. There are few things I enjoy more than going down on a woman. I enjoy giving pleasure for the sake of giving pleasure, but it’s also a massive turn on for me. I’ve nearly come before while licking (and fingering) a woman with no other stimulation than the sights, sounds, smell and taste.

Last edited by BadSeed (18-10-22 08:30:15)

Norway_man · 23-10-22 19:48:31

Vanilla - no question! Few things I love more than go down on a woman. To hear and feel a woman appreciate it is one of my greatest turn ons, I have got orgasms that way. Receiving it from a woman who really loves it is certainly amazing. But in itself the stimulation can be duplicated by other means, there are many possibilities if you are creative.

During power play it is much trickier. I am a switch and oral sex can be a very powerful in that setting. So here I really can´t say!

Hangdog90 · 11-11-22 17:16:08

Mikaela wrote:

Would you rather...
- never receive oral sex again OR
- never give oral sex again
bonus points for an explanation!

Nice question to provoke reflection.

I'm male. I prefer giving a woman head than receiving it, because giving is a more intimate sensual, all-encompassing experience for me, and it is an opportunity to connect in a way that hopefully results in an unforgettable experience for her. Connection happens by paying attention, by becoming aware of her responses and checking in with them.

Is she subtly rotating her hips with my timing? Is she thrusting into my mouth to meet my tongue? Is her skin getting flushed? Is she moaning? Is her clitoris getting swollen? Is she getting wet? Can I see moisture dripping from her pussy? Is she grabbing my head and holding it to her pussy?

Whenever I do something different, whether it’s increasing the tempo, pressure, direction, or adding some stimulation (playing with her nipples while continuing to give head, inserting fingers into her vagina, putting pressure on her mons pubis) I have to notice whether this change has a positive effect on her arousal and switch up if the signals indicate. Did she pull away slightly when I increased the pressure of my tongue on her clitoris? Did she stop moaning when I changed from putting constant pressure on her g-spot to sliding my fingers in and out?

Paying attention to her responses, I feel more empowered, confident and become more skillful at giving oral. The reward is her arousal, and that in turn arouses me and makes me feel good. There's an old prayer that says "It is giving that we receive".

There's also self-awareness. My experience of being between a woman's legs. I'm enjoying the warmth of her thighs touching my cheeks, and how she might squeeze or release my head. I'm breathing in her smell, her sexual essence, and noticing its notes like wine.

In a steady relationship, there is additional opportunity for noticing. It is beautiful to pay attention to subtle changes in smell and appreciate them, depending on where we are in the cycle. Then there is the vulva itself, all the textures and joys of tonguing, tasting and feeling the smoothness, exploring different parts and zones.

There's the practical stuff too, getting into a nice comfortable position for a long session. Lots of women like to have a pillow under their butt to take the pressure off the lower back so they can enjoy receiving their oral worship. If we are on a small bed, I might kneel on the floor between her legs to improve comfortable access and reduce my own neck strain. That also makes it easier to have eye contact now and again. There is nothing sexier than looking into each other's eyes while giving head to a woman. You feel wanton, unashamed, it is an act of trust, revealing the wild inner sexual self.

So for me, to give is better.

On the subject of noticing, I will end by sharing a poem that I first read as a 14 year-old and that put into words for the first time, things that I had noticed in my country childhood. Afterwards by Thomas Hardy.

The final stanza about the sound of a churchbell on a windy morning, was the one that struck me then. This poem has been a friend all my life, and it struck me after a long session of oral sex with an older woman in the summer before I turned 18, that the feeling of being between her legs under the sheets reminded me of "nocturnal blackness, mothy and warm, When the hedgehog travels furtively over the lawn" - of course Hardy did not intend a sexual meaning here, but the words evoked that feeling of being in a dark, warm and safe space,

Afterwards
Thomas Hardy - 1840-1928

When the Present has latched its postern behind my tremulous stay,
And the May month flaps its glad green leaves like wings,
Delicate-filmed as new-spun silk, will the neighbours say,
"He was a man who used to notice such things"?

If it be in the dusk when, like an eyelid's soundless blink,
The dewfall-hawk comes crossing the shades to alight
Upon the wind-warped upland thorn, a gazer may think,
"To him this must have been a familiar sight."

If I pass during some nocturnal blackness, mothy and warm,
When the hedgehog travels furtively over the lawn,
One may say, "He strove that such innocent creatures should
come to no harm,
But he could do little for them; and now he is gone."

If, when hearing that I have been stilled at last, they stand at
the door,
Watching the full-starred heavens that winter sees,
Will this thought rise on those who will meet my face no more,
"He was one who had an eye for such mysteries"?

And will any say when my bell of quittance is heard in the gloom,
And a crossing breeze cuts a pause in its outrollings,
Till they rise again, as they were a new bell's boom,
"He hears it not now, but used to notice such things?"

_redbird_ · 18-11-22 05:51:05

Gah this is a really difficult question! At times I've felt uncomfortable both giving and receiving oral and then other times I've wanted it more than any other physical action.

If I'm dealing with a person that has a vulva then I'd say I'd choose to never receive oral sex again, and if it's a penis I'm dealing with I'd say I'd choose to never give oral again.

While I do love giving oral sex to a sexual partner, I know I'm a little more awkward and slightly confused by a penis than I am with a vulva. Even though I had sex with a guy for the first time at 15, I didn't give someone a blowjob until I was in my early 20's because I was so intimidated by penises and wasn't sure what to do. Also because my main exposure to blow jobs was in mainstream porn, I was under the impression that I was expected to be able to deep throat with every peen every time (also am I meant to put the balls in my mouth at the same time? Am I supposed to like it if they cum on my face? What if it gets in my eye!?), and as a person with a really bad gag reflex (I can't even brush my back teeth without gagging...) and the inability to open my mouth particularly wide, going down on a penis meant that I was pretty self conscious and awkward the majority of the time for the first few blow jobbing years. I had my first girlfriend at age 17-18 and had NO PROBLEM going down on her though because I could more easily imagine what might feel good as a fellow vulva-having person. By my late 20's/early 30's I was a lot more confident with peens then and really rather liked the feeling of pleasuring those people in that way.

I tend to come most easily by a hand (or toy) on my clit, and secondly is by oral sex. The most intense orgasms I've had were administered orally so I do have a bit of a fondness for it, I must say.

Norway_man · 27-11-22 10:34:20

_redbird_ wrote:

as a person with a really bad gag reflex

Thanks for bringing that up, I certainly can understand this one!

As a male interested in women, I have wondered why seemingly many woman seem to like performing oral sex on a man.

I have tested on myself with a dildo, but since I also have a very strong gag reflex (combined with a close to phobia for throwing up) I cannot think I could get myself to actually like it, even as part of a BDSM setting.

Is this something more women (and men) struggle with?

LeoBloom · 12-12-22 09:48:46

For me giving head rather than receiving it has always been the top (and rimming a woman as well).
This has become even more so with age (I'm 70), when one's dick starts playing tricks ever more frequently, even with chemical assistance. For me now the ideal is being brought off by a woman's hand while my face is buried in her nether orifices.

Mikaela · 13-12-22 00:39:53

Norway_man wrote:

_redbird_ wrote:
as a person with a really bad gag reflex
Thanks for bringing that up, I certainly can understand this one!
As a male interested in women, I have wondered why seemingly many woman seem to like performing oral sex on a man.
I have tested on myself with a dildo, but since I also have a very strong gag reflex (combined with a close to phobia for throwing up) I cannot think I could get myself to actually like it, even as part of a BDSM setting.
Is this something more women (and men) struggle with?

In general, I hear a lot of people talk about their struggles with gag reflexes and the fear that they may accidentally throw up on a dick (in fact, I know several people who have had this experience). As Redbird mentioned, there is this expectation that everyone should be able to deep throat a cock from the get go and enjoy it, when this simply isn't the case - and it's so possible to give amazing oral to a cock without needing to go that deep!

I enjoy giving oral sex as a service to my partners, particularly in a BDSM context. I have been training my gag reflex with one particular partner for two years now, and can now comfortably deep throat him for short periods of time (still lots of progress to be made). I am terrified of throwing up, so the discomfort that comes with this act is a way to show my Dominant my submission to him. Even though I still fear actually physically throwing up, deep throating is now associated with intense pleasure for me.

Last edited by Mikaela (13-12-22 00:40:04)

juanpadum · 24-12-22 16:08:08

Teniendo en cuenta que una de las cosas que mas disfruto, me excitan y me hace feliz es que una mujer se me siente en la cara y saborear su coño, tendre que decir que preferiria no volver a recibir sexo oral, nunca he tenido un orgasmo con sexo oral, y aunque es delicioso me cuesta relajarme.

richard · 24-12-22 22:56:41

The language of the Forum is English, thanks Juanpadum.

Hangdog90 · 29-12-22 06:57:12

juanpadum wrote:

Teniendo en cuenta que una de las cosas que mas disfruto, me excitan y me hace feliz es que una mujer se me siente en la cara y saborear su coño, tendre que decir que preferiria no volver a recibir sexo oral, nunca he tenido un orgasmo con sexo oral, y aunque es delicioso me cuesta relajarme.

They said:

Considering that one of the things I enjoy the most, excites me and makes me happy is that a woman sits on my face and tastes her pussy, I will have to say that I would rather not receive oral sex again, I have never had an orgasm with oral sex, and although it is delicious I have a hard time relaxing.

LeoBloom · 07-02-23 15:32:13

I'm with the majority here. I find in this case it is more blessed to give than receive - because I love the taste of a woman's pussy, I love the intimacy of the act, and I love the effect it - usually - has on her.
In theory, receiving should tick most of those boxes too, but I think I am excited more by the fact that she is doing it for me than by the physical sensations of the act in itself (perhaps I have never enjoyed the attentions of a world-class pipeuse). I have rarely come in that way, and increasingly I find I like my - and her - orgasms to be accompanied by looking directly in the woman's face.

#1 11-10-22 06:52:14

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