to fap or not to fap?

viva · 07-04-21 06:51:42

Hi guys, so in the last few years I've noticed a definitely trend arising (yep) where guys are doing like, "no fap" months as if masturbation were like eating sugar, something we all like to do but kind of wish we didn't.... and doing anti-porn PSAs and that kind of thing. Anyway, dick havers, have you heard of these things? What are your thoughts??

eden14 · 07-04-21 07:08:01

I have heard of it and did give it a bit of a go, it's really hard as I do like masturbating, my best effort was maybe a week or so. I'm sure there are some benefits and some drawbacks to it, would be interested to hear other's thoughts on it.

privignus · 07-04-21 07:47:02

viva wrote:

Hi guys, so in the last few years I've noticed a definitely trend arising (yep) where guys are doing like, "no fap" months as if masturbation were like eating sugar, something we all like to do but kind of wish we didn't.... and doing anti-porn PSAs and that kind of thing. Anyway, dick havers, have you heard of these things? What are your thoughts??

I think its mixed up with some dark psychology and with Americans' specific hangups about sex. I think its like all the attempts to control people's diets under an infinity of specific rules and induce self-hatred about people's inevitable failure to follow them - the psychology is the same whether its a Catholic observing Lent or a vegan pronouncing about proteins or a cunning man performing a ritual and saying that everyone will be invincible in battle as long as they avoid sex for seven days and seven nights. Some of the people who like to get excited about weird Internet things think its connected to the Incel and pick-up artist stuff.

It seems like there is so much suffering because of misinformation about sex, whether people fighting with their partners because they think their partners should not masturbate or use porn, or that awful person in the USA murdering 8 women because he liked getting erotic massages and his church said that was a sin.

JAMMYMAN · 07-04-21 09:42:20

As a long-time 'dick haver', I gave this a go this morning. I lasted just about two minutes before giving it up, and deciding to masturbate again. I have a warm comforting feeling that this makes me normal.

privignus · 08-04-21 19:25:15

I think some sports have a tradition that refraining from ejaculation will make male athletes more effective . I am told that the evidence for this is about as good as the evidence that wearing your lucky socks will shave 0.05 second off your 100 metre dash or that if you wear lemon juice security cameras can't see you. "Dr. Strangelove" makes fun of this family of beliefs, apparently "How to Make Friends and Influence People" has a weird chapter on sexual sublimation and I think some forms of Taoism and Tantra have similar ideas about saving your precious bodily fluids.

Monotreme · 08-04-21 21:39:42

I see masturbation as a natural function of human sexuality and I would resist any attempts of others to tell me how often I "should" masturbate. Only my hypothalamus knows the right amount of masturbation, and I follow the dictates of my hypothalamus. Truly, YHMV.

Howland · 09-04-21 02:49:28

One reason I’ve seen given for this is that the person felt that letting sexual tension build up made him more aggressive with the opposite (preferred) sex. That is (reading this charitably), he would be more likely to put himself out there, getting phone numbers and asking women out, which he had had trouble doing. I can relate to that, but I doubt that refraining from masturbation would really help on that score. Maybe for this guy though, who knows.

viva · 09-04-21 05:01:15

thanks guys great answers. for the most part it seems no one sees any benefits in resisting the urge?

alsbosilver · 09-04-21 08:07:08

Howland wrote:

One reason I’ve seen given for this is that the person felt that letting sexual tension build up made him more aggressive with the opposite (preferred) sex. That is (reading this charitably), he would be more likely to put himself out there, getting phone numbers and asking women out, which he had had trouble doing. I can relate to that, but I doubt that refraining from masturbation would really help on that score. Maybe for this guy though, who knows.

All the more reason to masturbate and not become aggressive and insistent with women ...!

Christian

eden14 · 09-04-21 10:10:13

viva wrote:

thanks guys great answers. for the most part it seems no one sees any benefits in resisting the urge?

I think there are benefits around self control, focus and being able to concetrate and therefore being able to achive more in life leading to greater overall happiness. Also creating a better connection to a partner through making sex more of a sacred thing rather than something that you put on your credit card and access anytime with no effort having been put in, delayed gratification is far more rewarding than instant gratification.
All much easier said than done.

maurice_B · 09-04-21 15:38:19

I once read that the members of our national soccer team aren't supposed to see their girlfriends (or wives) for the last two days ahead of a match as having sex allegedly reduces their testosterone level, making them less aggressive on the field.

I've deliberately held off masturbating in the past, if only for a few days at a time. It adds an extra thrill to the first sex or wank following such self-deprivation, with an extra long orgasm to boot.

smoothed · 09-04-21 15:40:32

for me, NoFap should ideally be rooted in mindfulness - sometimes, when we're feeling down or low, it's so easy to fire up a porn or maz vid and knock one out, thinking that we've fixed ourselves without actually doing the necessary work to attend to oneself. NoFap helps broaden the body's means to cope with a variety of afflictions. So now, when I've become aware that I'm seeking sexual gratification just to salve a deeper wound, I am able to pause and recentre. And once I've dealt with the underlying issue, the fuck's just that much fucking better.

Sadoraan123 · 10-04-21 01:38:13

So my understanding of nofap is that it is partially about breaking "porn addiction", and for some people (younger men in particular), it is about breaking the cycle of masturbation and porn being "enough" rather than seeking intimate relationships with others.
I'm not saying any of this is factual by the way, it's just what a lot of people belive.

So basically, young guys are using porn and masturbation to satisfy all of their sexual urges. The belief around this, is that if you solely watch porn, then you almost become desensitized to real sex and intimacy, resulting in erectile disfunction when you are with a partner because you NEED porn and your own masturbation technique to be aroused.
In addition to this, there is a belief that regular masturbation makes you less likely to have the confidence to speak to women (or men) in order to initiate a potential intimate relationship. So no fap is basically like detoxing yourself from the supposed negative effects of masturbation and porn, while also building up that urge which results in you being more likely to go out and actually seek intimacy from others.

Whether there is any validity in this, i have no idea. But that is the thought process behind it for a lot of young people.

MS2020 · 10-04-21 04:39:49

Dr. Lindsay Doe does some great videos on sexual health and relationships. Some of which viewer questions. She offers some good insight at about the 3:47 mark here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTE-B7ftB_I

She goes into more detail with recommend research models here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U3gA51gXKg

Last edited by MS2020 (10-04-21 04:42:27)

alsbosilver · 10-04-21 06:50:13

MS2020 wrote:

Dr. Lindsay Doe does some great videos on sexual health and relationships. Some of which viewer questions. She offers some good insight at about the 3:47 mark here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTE-B7ftB_I
She goes into more detail with recommend research models here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3U3gA51gXKg

It's very interesting, thank you very much and above all there is the possible translation in all languages as we would like to have it for all IFM profile videos ...

Christian (France)

viva · 12-04-21 06:17:40

I'm loving these responses! As we talk more it seems to go a bit deeper, cause I think it is a complex topic. I have noticed if I tempt my boyfriend into sex too many times (too many can vary from day to day!) in a day he can kind of become floppy and weak so it makes sense that maybe it "spends" testosterone or something when a man comes?

my current boyfriend also tells me sometimes he will wank during the day but he never ejaculates. I think he can have an orgasm without releasing ejaculate by pressing on that one spot. He says he saves it for me <3 which I love, but also gives the sense of a finite resource.

my ex used to try not to come... to increase his longevity but also his energy? But that felt wrong to me. I felt like he was depriving us both of his orgasm, which I really need from my lovers.

I wonder if there's a divide as well, between men who grew up pre-internet porn and those who knew nothing else. I feel honestly quite lucky to have a partner who will wank to like, tv shows, his imagination, ISM and IFM... and isn't really into hardcore tube site or instagram/tiktok model stuff. I can see how that would be really hard... and how easy it would be to build a porn additction, truly.

privignus · 12-04-21 07:52:37

I think another issue is that in the countries I have lived in, there are not really models for building a sexual relationship other than online dating or drunken parties. There are all the thinky talky people who pronounce that dating in a hobby group or your workplace is wicked. Whereas almost anyone can figure out how to find naked people on the Internet! So right now the barriers to face-to-face relationships are much higher than the barriers to watch porn.

After the pandemic (where I live we are still at "no people from different households meeting indoors") and when I have a job I want to try online dating. I just have so many wounds from previous attempts to engage with groups through the Internet. But online dating is one to one!

Howland · 13-04-21 06:44:40

viva wrote:

isn't really into hardcore tube site

I read that as "hardcore tuba site" and I thought, wow, that's some kink, not into that myself but whatever.

MS2020 · 14-04-21 02:38:52

viva wrote:

I wonder if there's a divide as well, between men who grew up pre-internet porn and those who knew nothing else. I feel honestly quite lucky to have a partner who will wank to like, tv shows, his imagination, ISM and IFM... and isn't really into hardcore tube site or instagram/tiktok model stuff. I can see how that would be really hard... and how easy it would be to build a porn additction, truly.

It's certainly easier to overindulge when there's so much that easily available. Though I think that's as much true of food as it is with sex. Which is why I feeling calling it more of an obsession than an addiction. I'm not saying there isn't a case of porn addiction. It's just feeling a little odd for me to describe a natural response in the same terms as chemical substances that alter the and body/mind. It's the condition to constantly expect the experience as an easy coping mechanism that makes it unhealthy.

I do wonder if avoiding any sort of intimate touch or sensual please can be harmful as well. The same way both over eating and depriving oneself of food can both be classified as eating disorders. Sure what one does or doesn't eat affects your health far more than sexual response, but there still might be case unhealthy opposite extreme to so-called porn addiction.

#1 07-04-21 06:51:42

to fap or not to fap?

#2 07-04-21 07:08:01

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#3 07-04-21 07:47:02

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#4 07-04-21 09:42:20

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#5 08-04-21 19:25:15

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#6 08-04-21 21:39:42

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#7 09-04-21 02:49:28

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#8 09-04-21 05:01:15

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#9 09-04-21 08:07:08

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#10 09-04-21 10:10:13

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#11 09-04-21 15:38:19

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#12 09-04-21 15:40:32

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#13 10-04-21 01:38:13

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#14 10-04-21 04:39:49

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#15 10-04-21 06:50:13

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#16 12-04-21 06:17:40

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#17 12-04-21 07:52:37

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#18 13-04-21 06:44:40

Re: to fap or not to fap?

#19 14-04-21 02:38:52

Re: to fap or not to fap?

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