#26 18-03-21 17:21:26

MS2020

Member

Registered: 06-11-20

Posts: 199

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

Hey Piper if you're still part of the forums, would you like to offer up your own thoughts on the original forum questions? Did you have any personal insights or do your thoughts and experience pretty much match someone else's here?

Piper_A

Member

Registered: 26-03-18

Posts: 83

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

Hey Piper if you're still part of the forums, would you like to offer up your own thoughts on the original forum questions? Did you have any personal insights or do your thoughts and experience pretty much match someone else's here?

Hey! This is a really great question / thread. Honestly my feelings about being watched change all the time.
My feelings on this topic are mostly informed by an incredibly difficult relationship with my body throughout my life. I don't really consider myself a person with an exhibitionist streak, although I also wouldn't say I don't have one at all.
When I was first asked to contribute to IFeelMyself I was at a point in my life where I was learning how beautiful and powerful it is to embrace and show off your body, and how doing that can empower you enormously, and it did! Doing shoots for this website, as well as ISM and BA always makes me feel powerful, simply because I am wanted here. I know I'm not wanted by everyone, and that's okay, but to a little slice of this community, I am wanted and desired and drooled over, and that's pretty fucking cool after a lifetime of being bullied and degraded and made fun of for something as arbitrary as the size and shape of my body. After spending my formative years being told I was fat and ugly and awful, giving myself permission to come into a space where my body is on display more than ever before and knowing I'll be adored instead of picked on, that is a decision I made for myself that I'm very proud of, and that has offered a positive view of my fatness that I might not have otherwise had access to.
So for me, being here and knowing I'm being watched by people who don't mind or even ENJOY seeing a fat body is incredible. Most of the relationships I've had with people in my life (not just romantic, but all relationships) have made me feel like... they see past my body, they ignore my fatness because they see me for who I am. Like, my friends or partners or family are choosing to see past my fatness and see me for my kindness and personality and values instead. Whereas in a space like this, for the first time, I'm being appreciated FOR my body, not despite it. And while that might sound like a bad thing, it's not! In my day to day life, I dont know if i have personally ever met someone who outwardly admitted to liking fat women or being a fat fetishist (except a few of the Feck gals who speak about their love for fat bodies openly - Miriam, Mew and Redbird have specifically worshipped my fatness and it brings me infinite joy, love you folks!!), so I have always had this feeling of needing to actively force people to see beyond my body; I overcompensate with humour or kindness or intelligence or anything else, as if trying to apologise for my body. And in this space, I don't have to do that. I can simply be naked, make myself cum, and know that I am enough.
I do however like the anonymity of the community here, I like that there is a boundary between me and the audience. Knowing I'm being adored is really hot to me, but the more i know about the person on the other side of the screen, the more susceptible I become to being criticised. So I guess I like being out on the internet to be appreciated, but the idea of actually knowing what people think about me is scary, because past experience tells me their thoughts will be insulting. That's maybe not the feel-good response you might have hoped for haha, but it's my honest feeling.
I definitely see myself as very different to Mikaela for example, in that she loves to be an exhibitionist in real life, not just through the magic of the internet. I have cum in front of groups of people in real life before, and it was great fun, but I do find it difficult to switch off my brain and enjoy myself. I tend to get a little voice in my head that makes me hyper aware of the voyeur - it tells me I've got a double chin, my boobs look weird, my legs don't look nice from that angle, my stomach is jiggling, etc. And it stops me from enjoying the moment. I find it much easier to focus on my own pleasure with a camera on me, as opposed to a real life set of eyes.
And in terms of knowing my colleagues watch my porn, well that couldn't be less of a problem to me haha. While I'm still immensely turned on by women, I've also become quite desensitised to naked bodies. So watching my colleagues' porn and having them watch mine doesn't feel invasive at all, but moreso like the lines of colleague / close friend / porn model are all blurred, and we can simply see each other intimately, honestly and vulnerably. So in terms of us watching each other's porn, I would say I see it more as a way to bond with one another than to derive sexual excitement or pleasure. I know it's different for everyone at Feck, but that's how I feel about it.
Thanks for asking my opinion, I really appreciate it! X

_redbird_

Member

Registered: 22-04-16

Posts: 388

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

And in terms of knowing my colleagues watch my porn, well that couldn't be less of a problem to me haha. While I'm still immensely turned on by women, I've also become quite desensitised to naked bodies. So watching my colleagues' porn and having them watch mine doesn't feel invasive at all, but moreso like the lines of colleague / close friend / porn model are all blurred, and we can simply see each other intimately, honestly and vulnerably. So in terms of us watching each other's porn, I would say I see it more as a way to bond with one another than to derive sexual excitement or pleasure. I know it's different for everyone at Feck, but that's how I feel about it.
Thanks for asking my opinion, I really appreciate it! X

100% with you here Piper!! I'm so desensitised to nudity that it doesn't even really register for me when I see it on screen anymore (it would be a completely different matter if there was sudden nudity on the street or something of course). And yes! You have outed me as your number one fan! Fun fact for the subs, before Piper even worked here I used to say that she was my future wife, so besotted was I. 

Thank you also for your thoughtful and touching reply. You are a remarkable woman and I feel very fortunate to call you my friend *coughANDWIFEcough*.

Last edited by _redbird_ (19-03-21 07:26:44)

MS2020

Member

Registered: 06-11-20

Posts: 199

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

And in terms of knowing my colleagues watch my porn, well that couldn't be less of a problem to me haha. While I'm still immensely turned on by women, I've also become quite desensitised to naked bodies. So watching my colleagues' porn and having them watch mine doesn't feel invasive at all, but moreso like the lines of colleague / close friend / porn model are all blurred, and we can simply see each other intimately, honestly and vulnerably. So in terms of us watching each other's porn, I would say I see it more as a way to bond with one another than to derive sexual excitement or pleasure. I know it's different for everyone at Feck, but that's how I feel about it.
Thanks for asking my opinion, I really appreciate it! X

100% with you here Piper!! I'm so desensitised to nudity that it doesn't even really register for me when I see it on screen anymore (it would be a completely different matter if there was sudden nudity on the street or something of course). And yes! You have outed me as your number one fan! Fun fact for the subs, before Piper even worked here I used to say that she was my future wife, so besotted was I. 

Thank you also for your thoughtful and touching reply. You are a remarkable woman and I feel very fortunate to call you my friend *coughANDWIFEcough*.

Great feedback and stories from both of you.

MS2020

Member

Registered: 06-11-20

Posts: 199

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

does anyone have that group pic we took at piper's bye party the other day?

Did you ever get that pic?

viva

pretty pretty princess

Registered: 14-05-10

Posts: 4,113

Website

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

Yes I did but there are people in it who may not want to be on the forum, sorry!

MS2020

Member

Registered: 06-11-20

Posts: 199

Re: So how do really feel about knowing people masturbate to you?

Yes I did but there are people in it who may not want to be on the forum, sorry!

That's alright