Advice needed-anorgasmic female

cinnamon · 24-09-06 06:21:12

My girlfriend has never had an orgasm. She is 39, and has never been able to achieve an orgasm in any way, ever in her life. She absolutely loves sex, and has tried everything. She has a great sense of self-esteem, is healthy in every way, and is very very attractive.

I have been able to get her very close to what we believe could be an orgasm. She reaches a state of great ecstasy, and has 'squirted' with a type of ejaculate. But that has only happened twice, ever. The first time was during strenuous intercourse, the second time was by my aggressively fingering her vagina and rubbing her G-spot area with 3 fingers and using a medium sized vibrator anally.

I've read in other medical sites that about 10-15% of females are non-orgasmic. And that approximately 65-75% of women cannot achieve orgasm through intercourse. She has seen a doctor about his problem, and he told her that she probably is non-orgasmic. I believe she told me that her mother and one of her two sisters also has the same condition.

I'm new here to this site, and I'm seriously trying to find an answer to this problem.

If anyone has any suggestions to help with this problem, please respond. I would really love to see her have this wonderful gift become part of her life. She is very frustrated, and would appreciate your help.

Siobhan · 24-09-06 23:02:05

Hi cinnamon -- welcome to the Forum!!

It's great that she has such a supportive partner. I have two quick suggestions that, I believe, are IMPERATIVES if she is to be assisted by and future advice I or others might give here. One of these imperatives is for her; the other is for you:

1. For her: If "she would greatly appreciate [our] help," then she is the person who would most appropriately write here, not you, however well-meaning you are. You can write about OTHER things, she can write and share and relate about hers.

2.For you: I have been with two adult women who were not-yet orgasmic and each of them became highly so in the course of our relationship/encounters. In each case, I made it absolutely clear that I had no vested interests, either ego-wise, eros-wise, or otherwise, in whether they had an orgasm. It wasn't going to bother me either way; they still totally turned me on and if they came, great, if they didn't great. it was all about what THEY wanted.

This is key. And it may have taken me a while to get to the place where that was true, but I did the work to get there, so that I could then say it with total honesty and no agenda.

Cinnamon: What do y'all say about those two first-offs?

aven frey · 25-09-06 01:41:22

Hey Cinnamon, I no nothing of anorgasmic matters but I would suggest maybe going to see a sex thearapist.

cinnamon · 25-09-06 04:09:09

I just became a member a few days ago. My interest in this is purely for her gain, and not my own. I just discovered the site the other night and I have let her know about it. But I have been out of town for the weekend on business, and she hasn't had an opportunity to log on yet. Hopefully you will hear from her shortly.

At this point I am just trying to be supportive and encourage her.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Adagio · 25-09-06 04:26:42

Welcome Cinnamon. I truly hope that you and your girlfriend find this site helpful. It is so great that you are being so supportive of her. That's to be commended.

Jo · 25-09-06 10:27:20

Siobhan wrote:

In each case, I made it absolutely clear that I had no vested interests, either ego-wise, eros-wise, or otherwise, in whether they had an orgasm.
This is key.

Thanks siobhan for pointing this out, I totally agree!

Worst thing you can do, is (even if it's non-spoken or in any other subtle and unintentional way...) implementing that you want her to have an orgasm. In this case, probably she`ll never have.

Try to understand her, tell her that it doesn't matter for YOU, that she can't. Trust and understanding help most. That's my experience.

cinnamon · 25-09-06 13:49:22

I think the biggest factor is to get her to be able to relax. I'm going to really work on that part. I've never put any kind of pressure on her about this, because it's not an issue with our lovemaking. She thoroughly enjoys making love, and is the most phenomenal lover.

I believe that she has been at that stage of orgasm when she squirted. I know that some women experience that. I think it is TOTALLY erotic. She is self-concious about it and apologetic. I need to convince her that it is ok to let go, and I love it when she gets really wet, it's a huge turn on for me.

This forum is a great starting point. I have learned several things already, mostly because this is real, not acting. I commend you all for your honesty.

annoula · 07-01-07 22:39:32

Am i very late to respond?

I just wanted to say orgasms are very different. Some of mine are subtle and especially some of the initial the squirty type ones are just like a warm wave (sounds like a soft porn book...)

She may even had one and not know it since images of orgasms are usually depicted as vibrating pulsing screaming affairs...

If she watches the contributions she will see a magical array of climactic responses and that alone might make her feel better... might even make her realise what she already is having...

Best of luck, you are supportive and loving...

Siobhan · 07-01-07 22:46:43

annoula wrote:

... magical array of climactic responses quote]
what a nice phrase.

#1 24-09-06 06:21:12

Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#2 24-09-06 23:02:05

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#3 25-09-06 01:41:22

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#4 25-09-06 04:09:09

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#5 25-09-06 04:26:42

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#6 25-09-06 10:27:20

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#7 25-09-06 13:49:22

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#8 07-01-07 22:39:32

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

#9 07-01-07 22:46:43

Re: Advice needed-anorgasmic female

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