Our whores are taking a Christmas holiday!

Desertgirl44 · 16-12-06 01:05:25

I live in Alice Springs. It's a very small town in the middle of the desert, miles and miles from anywhere.

And in our local newspaper yesterday there appeared a prominent ad in the Public Notices column informing us that the town's local Escort Service is closing down for Christmas.

Yes, the ladies and the gent who work at servicing my local community are taking a well-earned break. No whores (what's the male equivalent of "whore"?) available from the 19th December until the 9th January.

And they all wished the town a "super safe" and merry Christmas!

I just thought that was lovely and deserved to be shared with the world.

padraic · 16-12-06 01:12:01

I guess that's the Christmas spirit, all right --- or something along those lines! But a town as small as Alice Springs having an 'escort service'? Don't know why, I'm just surprised.

gala · 16-12-06 01:44:01

more proof that hookers' jobs are better than yours

eros62 · 16-12-06 03:28:56

gala wrote:

more proof that hookers' jobs are better than yours

I know portrayal of unprotected sex pushes your buttons, gala, and I guess romanticizing hookers' jobs pushes mine. It's still an extremely dangerous profession, at least as currently implemented in the US. Sorry to get so serious all of a sudden but thought I'd throw in my 2 cents anyway.

gala · 16-12-06 05:28:11

meh. i have no romantic notions about the state of prostitution in the united states, but i also know that there are a number of enclaves in which the practice is being protected and celebrated by some very organized, empowered, and brilliant whores, and i expect that to spread in the future. i respect your right to disagree, but am going to avoid a lengthy debate about it as i am needing to keep out of such things at the moment. it is my hope that folks, here and elsewhere, will always treat their local whores with respect, especially when doing business with them.

dyslexius · 16-12-06 05:33:21

Desertgirl44 wrote:

...what's the male equivalent of "whore"?)

Um, in the vicinity of a nearby intersection, Clark and Diversey, it's "whore." :--)

--dyslexius

Gavinrad · 16-12-06 07:45:40

it's sad that Im temporarily gonna be disconnected from IFM while I switch my bank accounts around, but seriously, whats wrong with consenting sex between adults? Obviously, there are people in any profession who will exploit others, but at it's base level, I don't think the exchange of money for sex is at all wrong.

*edit*

unless im misconstruing the usage of the word whore, which is usually used in a derogatory fashion here in the states.

Last edited by Gavinrad (16-12-06 07:49:11)

Desertgirl44 · 16-12-06 08:32:30

padraic wrote:

I guess that's the Christmas spirit, all right --- or something along those lines! But a town as small as Alice Springs having an 'escort service'? Don't know why, I'm just surprised.

I was too when I first arrived. We actually have 2 "escort" services. Not bad for a town of 27,000. Maybe it's the tourist market and the miners that provide the demand.

In the Northern Territory it's illegal to have a brothel, it's outcalls only (if I read the regulations correctly). Both escort agencies advertise weekly in our local papers. And the famous Camel Cup was, until this year, sponsored by Minnie Made escorts! And proudly sponsored and displayed on banners too!

However most people from out of town, and even a lot of the locals, didn't realize that Minnie Made was a sexual service. Many thought Minnie's was a cleaning service! We had a lot of complaints about the "appropriateness" of a prostitution business sponsoring such a big event as the Camel Cup (because children and tourists with lots of money come to watch) and Minnie's withdrew their sponsorship (although I believe this was in name only, they still provided funding to the organizers of the Cup).

I use the word "whore" to mean "sexual services exchanged for money". I also use the word with total respect. In my idealistic world all sex workers would be treated with the utmost respect by all, would not live and work in dangerous conditions, and the world would happily accept the fact that sex work is here to stay. And hiring the services of a prostitute wouldn't be the big deal it seems to be in wider society. One can but dream.

polarchill · 16-12-06 13:03:10

gala wrote:

meh. i have no romantic notions about the state of prostitution in the united states, but i also know that there are a number of enclaves in which the practice is being protected and celebrated by some very organized, empowered, and brilliant whores, and i expect that to spread in the future. i respect your right to disagree, but am going to avoid a lengthy debate about it as i am needing to keep out of such things at the moment. it is my hope that folks, here and elsewhere, will always treat their local whores with respect, especially when doing business with them.

It has been almost ten years now since I did business with one, one very nice, prostitute on and off for a few months. If anything, I now look back on that time as a learning experience.

Young and naive at the time, I had always pictured a "hooker" as someone who stood on a street corner in cliched 1970s high heels and tight vinyl skirt. Similarly, my youthful definition of "escort" was a prostitute that the wealthy could afford. Sheesh . . .

Then my live-in girlfriend dumped me, and suddenly I had a big empty house and a long stretch of no sex, after a couple of years of a LOT of sex. It turned out I hated not having sex (something I had always suspected would be the case). Still, I couldn't force myself out of the house to get back into the dating world, because on her way out the girlfriend had wadded up my self-esteem and left it in a crumpled little ball. My little ball of self-esteem was somewhere in the big empty house, but I had yet to find it.

I was at work one day, discussing with a co-worker such varying topics as no sex, large houses, and infrared esteem ball finders (we worked in an electronics store), and eventually my older, wiser friend said, "Why don't you quit whining and just call up an escort service?"

"You mean, like . . ."

"Yeah, an 'escort service' ", he repeated, doing the finger-quotes-in-the-air.

As I mentioned before, my mental picture of an escort was a bit skewed back then. Fortunately my friend, perceptive guy that he was, could tell I had questions just from the clueless, I'm guessing, look in my eyes.

"Look, an escort is just a hooker," he said. "But you don't have to drive into a bad neighborhood to find her, and SHE has someone who knows what address she gets dropped off at, so she's got someone covering HER ass, too. It's a better deal for BOTH of you."

"Um, and how do I find . . ."

"Start with your phone book. Trust me, it won't be difficult."

When you are young and naive there are a LOT of things you don't know. For example, I didn't yet know that escort services WERE very easy to find, that they in fact made up almost a couple of pages of ads in the yellow pages for the city in which I then resided. Go figure. Even in the repressed Midwest, I had run across the one little bit of "sin" that apparently everyone could agree to let slide.

Over a period of three months, I called upon one particular escort repeatedly. It was always the same lady, first through her agency, then later through a private number so she could get a bigger cut of what I paid her (although by doing that I assume she was risking reprisals from her employer, the benevolent or malevolent nature of whom I can only speculate). I always called the same escort because I wasn't looking for variety, I was just looking to feel good. She made me feel good, so she was the right woman for the job.

As to whether I treated the "whore" with respect, I'd like to think that the answer is self-evident, but assuming that one had never met me before, and this was the first time he or she had read anything I had written:

Remember, I had very low self-esteem. I wanted to feel good. I only hoped, more than anything, that from the second the lady walked in the front door until the moment she left, there wouldn't be any sign, any hint of body English or a quickly hidden smirk, that the woman was amused or disgusted by what I regarded as my own desperation at having called upon her. As I saw it, she was someone providing a service. I was the consumer, the one with the need, and as such the one showing vulnerability.

Bless her, I never saw the slightest glimpse of how she regarded my carnal consumerism. Like I said, she did her job well, and she knew that doing the job wasn't just sex. It was also making the client feel like you wanted to be there. She had a happy, friendly face that she put on for me. It was amazing how much that contributed to the experience, as much as anything that was going on down below.

By the end I guess I called her at least ten times. What the hell; I wasn't spending money on much else, other than Pepsi, pizza, and my very first internet connection (I had a scorching hot 2400 baud modem, baby). Eventually life shifted around a little. I rented a smaller apartment, and got some of my confidence back and went out on a couple of actual honest-to-gosh dates. It never occurred to me that I "didn't need a hooker", but I guess I had moved on.

About a year later, between a couple of start-and-stop romances that never really took off, I called up the escort one last time. I was thrilled to discover that her private number was still in service, and I had her meet me at the old house, which I had moved my best friend into when I had moved out. My friend sat downstairs playing Super Nintendo while the lady and I used his bed upstairs.

Afterward, while I was getting dressed, and she was looking out the window, waiting for her friend to pick her up (I think getting dressed quickly was a job requirement for her, and putting pants on clumsily was part of, well, being me) , she made conversation.

"Your friend seems nice. Did you tell him all about how incredible I am?" She said it with a little head tilt and a grin that told me that she was half-kidding, but after all, drumming up new business WAS part of the job.

"I've told him a lot about you, yes. I even told him I'd pay this time if he wanted, since this is his place now. So far he isn't sure, though. He's a quiet guy. Quieter than me, even. He might change his mind after a while. I'll make sure he knows where to reach you."

"He might not approve of what I do. Some men don't, you know." She said it with the same grin, but it was still the only time I ever got the slightest sense of vulnerability. I told her that my friend didn't really judge anyone (which was true, especially given the vast amount of pot he had growing in the basement), and neither did I. That was really all that was said on the subject. Of course, I didn't have the foresight then to realize that anyone would ever raise the point of respect for prostitutes in a conversation, or that I would ever be old enough or anonymous enough that I would someday give an honest and detailed response.

In less personal terms, though, I've always felt that men who have issues with prostitutes are almost always just men who have issues with themselves. If a man rejects prostitutes as dirty whores, then he is usually simply at odds with desires that they raise within him. If he partakes of their services, but only to abuse them, physically or verbally, then he is letting out some ugly hatred deep inside that he secretly wishes (maybe even only subconsciously) that he could express to all women.

A man at peace with himself, whether or not he feels any desire for a particular woman (professional or non), has no reason to feel any hatred when he looks upon her. His reaction, therefore, always is a mirror held up before himself. One of the unfortunate cons of prostitution is that our society has so many sexual hang-ups, and so much of a bitter need to shoulder the blame on easy targets. Prostitutes, who are basically just women in a simple service industry, have to take, on a daily basis, the dumping of a huge mass of individual, spiritual, and cultural self-loathing.

Desertgirl44 · 16-12-06 13:34:54

Well spoken Polarchill. I especially agree with your final paragraph. Why is it, do you suppose, that down through the ages (and especially recent decades), men and women have struggled to get the whole sex and relationships "right"? Why does the emotional aspect often seem to complicate and confuse us? And yet we hunger for sex, we hunger for companionship and love. We're threatened by the idea of faithlessness within our relationships. And we struggle with the concept that sex is simply an urge we feel.

Have we humans truly complicated life by believing in the fairytale romantic story of our perfect soul mate who meets ALL our needs, emotional and physical?

And do we need to accept that what suits us emotionally at one particular age or stage of life may not necessarily suit us as we get older?

How do we simplify sex and love/emotional attachments?

polarchill · 16-12-06 14:41:04

Desertgirl44 wrote:

Well spoken Polarchill. I especially agree with your final paragraph. Why is it, do you suppose, that down through the ages (and especially recent decades), men and women have struggled to get the whole sex and relationships "right"? Why does the emotional aspect often seem to complicate and confuse us? And yet we hunger for sex, we hunger for companionship and love. We're threatened by the idea of faithlessness within our relationships. And we struggle with the concept that sex is simply an urge we feel.
Have we humans truly complicated life by believing in the fairytale romantic story of our perfect soul mate who meets ALL our needs, emotional and physical?
And do we need to accept that what suits us emotionally at one particular age or stage of life may not necessarily suit us as we get older?
How do we simplify sex and love/emotional attachments?

The moment I realized that I had found the right woman, I believe, is when I truly felt my partner's sincerity in her acceptance that she COULDN'T address all of my physical needs. It was only when I believed that I could proceed to the next stage of our relationship without hurting her, that I felt safe to propose.

She truly seems to understand that I can give her all my heart, even though there are times when my body might be elsewhere. We've discussed the matter thoroughly, both alone and with my psychologist, and she's even set up a basic set of ground rules that she feels will make the situation "do-able" for her. I find the woman remarkable, in this and many other ways (particularly since these are issues that I myself have been struggling with for much of my life).

padraic · 17-12-06 00:52:31

This is one of the most thought-provoking threads I can recall on IFM. I completely agree, Desertgirl, about the need for treating all sex workers with the same complete respect we'd show for any human being. Most likely, I think, they wouldn't be doing what they're doing for a living if life had offered them better alternatives. Some I'm sure consciously choose sex work as right for them. Yet I guess I'll always feel uneasy about prostitution. After all, someone is using someone for something, whether it be for money or for the fulfillment of desires. Is this 'bad', since we use restaurant and grocery workers for our nutritional needs, or are they even comparable 'services'? I'll have to do a lot more thinking on these issues before I'm satisfied that I have a responsible opinion. But I don't think I can personally separate the intimate involvement of one's body from one's emotional and relational self. When we lose a partner, we also lose a source of sexual fulfillment. But why do we often go to another human being, whether we pay them or not, for sexual release? There are any number of vibrators and other sexual aids that can take care of mere physical urges. There's still something about human contact that we crave. I think that's the real 'need' human beings have, not the meeting of this or that bodily desire. 'Desires' and 'urges' aren't literal 'needs' in the same way that we need oxygen or protein, however strong those urges may seem. Desertgirl, I think that the emotional aspect of relationships does perplex us because we ARE looking, in part, for something we haven't defined even to ourselves. Maybe in part we're looking for a kinder, more compassionate 'parent', a happier home than we had growing up. a person we can come to when we're hurting who will hug us rather than tell us what a damned nuisance we are. We all probably have to come to terms with the fact that we didn't get everything we needed when we were small: all of the love, attention, acceptance, and guidance that could really have made our lives so much easier had our parents not had their own shortcomings. Asking one person to fulfill our *every* need is a tall order, especially when we can't articulate what many of them are since they're partly unconscious. That's where the vital importance of communication between partners comes in: we struggle to get across what we're feeling and asking for, and we struggle to listen attentively to our partner's needs as well. We often don't hear the other person, don't feel heard or understood ourselves, and we can retreat into a hurtful silence, smoldering resentment, etc. that we may not tell our partner about until we explode in anger weeks later. Adding sexual desires and disappointments to all of this, and it's no wonder we don't find relationships easy going. Yet I don't see a better alternative in life than to keep trying. Because one person can't do it all for us, that's why we have mates, friends, psychologists. But for me, if we spread our emotional and relational energy too widely, we run the danger of scattering ourselves to the four winds, never committing enough of ourselves to any one path or person to have a chance of succeeding at the intimacy I think we all desire. I don't harshly judge people and I try to treat them with compassion, whether they're sex workers or their patrons or just any ordinary person trying to get through life. I just think that our desires for intimacy can take 'wrong turns', that we can sometimes simply be looking in the wrong direction for happiness or fulfillment. So thanks to you, too, Polarchill, for such an honest and moving sharing of your own life. That's a gift of intimacy as well.

blissed · 17-12-06 01:29:50

I think theres probably lots of different types of meritorious behaviour from working street corners to helping people with sexual difficulties. I think most people wouldn't be able to do most of them because of the emotion invested in sex. Tho nurses are emotionally effected when a patient dies but over time tend to put that experience in a separate place in their mind, so that when they go home they think about something else, but that doesn't mean they care any less or give any less support to their patients. If I was able to do that I still don't think I could be an escort unless I felt I was good looking enough to give someone an immediate arousal without getting to know me, but I think I'd have a meal and chat with them first and then get to know them and have a good time, and if I felt their attitude was abusive, I'd turn them down, but I think most people have respect for each other and would be not only nice, but be good company as well. So does the fact that I'd be a man giving some sort of sexual experience to lots of different women every night change things or change the way a woman doing exactly the same thing is viewed?

.

Last edited by blissed (17-12-06 01:31:43)

jwhite · 17-12-06 01:40:24

First, let me say that whatever two or more consenting adults do with themselves, and what commercial arrangements may or may not be involved, are no one else's business unless public health becomes an issue.

Now, having said that, I have to say that purchasing or renting someone else's body seems to me ultimately an empty experience. You may possess the corpus, and in an extended arrangement there may be genuine affection, but you never reach real intimacy with their souls (or so I surmise from the writings of sex workers). I think there is dignity in all labor, and anyone who believes differently should clean out their own sewer line sometime. I think that any commercial transaction, regardless of content, should proceed with respect and mutual recognition.

Having had the experience of a relationship in which we achieved that mystical transport where it became impossible to tell where the end of me and the start of her were, I want the potential for that transcendence every time. Did we achieve that? No, of course not. There are so many potential distractions as to make it amazing that it ever occurs between two people. But without the underlying relationship, I don't think transcendence is possible. Trust, openness, love- all these qualities enter into it.

I can conceive of one possible example of transcendence being achieved between strangers- the sacred rites of the Goddess. There, I think that the essential beliefs that go into the rite can open the mind to the possibility of higher conciousness.

And I don't seek to judge or belittle- I just think that a commercial transaction is scratching an itch, not a sacred congress. Sometimes our lovemaking was scratching an itch, but there was always the possibility it would transmute into the mystic if we let it. Now I find little patience with anything less.

Last edited by jwhite (17-12-06 01:42:57)

blissed · 17-12-06 02:06:25

Yeah I can imagine seeing a prostitute would seem pretty empty after that. You'd probably end up just having this conversation with her

.

jwhite · 17-12-06 02:10:23

How's the joke go- the psychiatrist just wanted to explore the meaning, the sales man just wanted to talk about how good it was going to be...

eros62 · 17-12-06 03:27:45

Thank you all for very respectful, intimate sharing in this thread. I feel like we're all in a candle-lit room, quiet music in the background, really sharing rather than having idle chitchat. I love that possibility with this IFM community!

jwhite wrote:

And I don't seek to judge or belittle- I just think that a commercial transaction is scratching an itch, not a sacred congress.

I also love transcendent sexual experiences, but I also want to bring sex down from the pedestal from time to time. Can't sex be just pure physical fun sometimes, with no higher purpose, like almost anything else in life? I was raised with the idea that sex was a very serious matter, to be undertaken between very serious, loving married adults. As a result, it screwed me up for many decades, and left me bereft of experiences.

In a few days I'll share my experience with a lap dancer in a NYC strip club, that speaks to the hazards that sex workers face in the US. Right now I'm off to see "I Am My Own Wife" (http://www.pcs.org/IAmMyOwnWife.html). Later!

Desertgirl44 · 17-12-06 03:33:54

My comments are going to be all over the place this time, I'm just typing thoughts as I read through all of your deeply interesting and heartening posts.

As Calenture mentions, most Australian states have legal brothels. And I find it odd that the Northern Territory does not. But it is okay to operate an escort service that provides sexual services. Then there are the women who work alone, from home, just a mobile phone number in the paper. Actually, the laws are complex and varying from state to state to territory and can even vary within the state. But easy enough to find a sex worker should you so desire.

I don't think I could work as a prostitute. I'd be way too fussy over choosing my clients, and I do like to be able to hold a decent conversation with my lovers. (Have to do something between bouts.)

I have met women (usually women in their late 30s and 40s) who, because life and work are so time-consuming, choose to hire a male sex worker on a semi-regular basis to "scratch an itch". Personally, I couldn't do that. I enjoy the the bonding and intimacy of a relationship (no matter how short in duration). Most women I know are absolutely horrified by the idea of using a prostitute (for themselves or their male partners).

If I need to simply scratch an itch, I'll always use masturbation, it seems so much more fun and I can let my fantasies run as wild as I like.

I know I can survive life as a single person. But now I am in a long-term relationship again, gosh but it's so nice to come home to another person. Someone to talk to, to hug, to eat with, to sleep, to be with in companionable silence, to watch the telly with, oh the list goes on and on. The sex is just a bonus. And yet, at the same time, sex is so important.

Some of my needs are met through work, some through friends and family, many of my needs are met through my relationship with my partner. I don't want nor expect to share absolutely everything with him (it'd drive me up the wall if we spent ALL our spare time together). Some of my needs are met by my being alone, happy in my own company.

A very long time ago, back in the mid 80s, I came across a book (about sex education) which was co-authored by a Rabbi and Wendy McCarthy (who at the time was the head of the Family Planning Association of Australia). The book was considered a bit "out there" and radical because it dared to suggest we should teach our children about masturbation. And that masturbation has a role to play in our adult lives and that is wasn't dirty or sinful or just what you do when you're not in a relationship. It also suggested that girls should be taught to offer teenage boys a hand job or a blow job if the heavy petting session got a little too heavy and the girl didn't want to risk having intercourse. The Rabbi said that God had given humans the ability to masturbate and pleasure ourselves and that therefore it should be celebrated and respected, just like we venerate "making love" and procreation. Now I thought that was all good advice and philosophy. But it still raises eyebrows amongst my wider community.

msnevil · 17-12-06 08:33:00

Raising Your Child Responsibly in a Sexually Permissive Society- 1984.

Btw- The Rabbi is a teacher of seculer humanism only.

blissed · 17-12-06 10:29:30

Desertgirl44 wrote:

I have met women (usually women in their late 30s and 40s) who, because life and work are so time-consuming, choose to hire a male sex worker on a semi-regular basis to "scratch an itch". Personally, I couldn't do that. I enjoy the the bonding and intimacy of a relationship (no matter how short in duration).

I feel the same as you right now, but I think altho seeing someone merititious is something quite different from a relationship I'm sure if you see someone on a regular basis, you may become freinds and possibly stay freinds or am I letting my wishful thinking imagination run away with me. I'm sure I'm not and that the situation I've just described has happened many times. So in summary, mutual close companionship is something quite special and if your someone who's missing that, your better off scratching your itch yourself until you find another close companion.

.

Last edited by blissed (18-12-06 03:18:53)

Desertgirl44 · 18-12-06 06:06:24

msnevil wrote:

Raising Your Child Responsibly in a Sexually Permissive Society- 1984.
Btw- The Rabbi is a teacher of seculer humanism only.

Thanks msnevil. I found a website featuring the rabbi but haven't read through it all yet.

The book did help me form the basis for educating my own children about sex and relationships.

aven frey · 18-12-06 06:10:23

I've posted this link before but I think this excellent thread warrants another go!!

http://www.anniesprinkle.org/html/writi … eroes.html

nihpuad · 18-12-06 08:24:58

jwhite wrote:

Now, having said that, I have to say that purchasing or renting someone else's body seems to me ultimately an empty experience.

It would be, if you approached it in those terms. But you've framed the premise in a way that's prejudiced in favor of your conclusion. Using terms like "purchasing or renting someone else's body" casts the transaction as a sort of temporary slavery, which would be truly awful... but then again, you could pretty much say the same about any sort of service rendered for pay: Having a hotel porter carry your luggage is perfectly decent and acceptable (assuming you tip properly and behave with respect), but if you called that relationship "purchasing the porter's body for labor" it wouldn't seem acceptable at all.

Sex work is not temporary slavery (not even when you're acting out a dominance fantasy); it's professional service, and part of the entertainment/hospitality industry. A singer sings, a chef cooks, a whore fucks... in each case, giving you pleasure in exchange for pay; in each case, without any pretense of permanence or spiritual significance; and in each case, perfectly honorably. Or that's the way I see it, at least.

polarchill · 18-12-06 08:26:38

I THOUGHT that link looked familiar. I keep that website bookmarked. I like to keep up with what she's up to (I'm especially fascinated with her world tour/performance art piece).

nihpuad · 18-12-06 08:32:00

polarchill wrote:

(I'm especially fascinated with her world tour/performance art piece).

Oooh, a booking for Hartford is listed as "in the works." Now if I can only figure out how to get my wife to agree we should go... and come up with some story about how I heard about it!

#1 16-12-06 01:05:25

Our whores are taking a Christmas holiday!

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