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#76 16-12-06 02:08:33

gala
bonanza jellybean of state
From: melbizzy
Registered: 11-04-06
Posts: 1,553
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

it is interesting to me that no ifm contributors have posted in this thread (apart from me and max both making very small general comments).  i am almost never inclined to share these sorts of things about my self and my relationships here, apart from making minor references to them in talking about something else.  i have no value judgment about this; i don't think i should strive to share such things and i don't think i should work to stay away from them.  i think it would have something to do with my relationship to the forum and to the people in it as a contributor, though i can't articulate exactly what is going on there.  i also think it has to do with my own tastes for online interaction and encounter-group atmospheres, which i can't claim will apply to other contributors.  but anyway, it's interesting to see who speaks where.

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#77 16-12-06 04:53:20

jwhite
Member
From: midwestern USA
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 180

Re: A bit of romance.

There's a program on Showtime right now about a serial killer who only kills them what needed killin' (still a viable defense in some of these United States) called "Dexter".  Dexter has to consciously think about every social interaction, because he has no social instincts.  I think we all attach far too much weight to what others think of us.  In a way, it's extremely egotistic, as it assumes others think about us at all.  It takes all kinds, the good lord made them all... and yet, the odd bird gets pecked to death, the odd beast run off from the pack.   So there is this essential tension in our lives between conformity and the freak flag.

I was able to address my situation on this forum in a way I had been unable in any other part of my life.  What Siobhan wrote opened a door for me.  I don't think that relative anonymity had much to do with it, more that some one else might relate to my story in the way in which her story touched me.  It's interesting to me that I probably spend as much time in the fora as I do with the videos these days.  I have a cynical and sarcastic streak which I shared with Donna, and I find kindred playful spirits here.  (An interesting aside:  I'm not sure from your posts how many Australians there are; easy to figure blissed and the Bishop and all those who leave identifiers laying about , but the rest are educated guesses.  I gave serious thought to emigrating to Oz back in the '70s- Vietnam, the hollowness of American society-  and the openness and no-bull image I had of Australia was appealing.  Instead, I drew a high number so was safe from the draft, and was admitted to a professional healthcare college.  But I dreamed...)

Anyway, I think we all want to be acknowledged and, in our own ways, validated and loved.  As a hippy boy in the '70s, the party line was every bit as rigid as for an Ivy League preppie. 

Polarchill, I would never have taken you for an introvert on the basis of your posts in different threads.  And desertgirl, the more I read of you, the more curious I become.  Do you think your monogamy is as a result of the lack of connection an open relationship might imply, or is it simply another way of facing the world?  When I was younger I would have gladly shagged anyone who would open their legs, but as a result of my second marriage I have turned down sex on offer because I felt no connection, not even with a raging hard-on.  Masturbation seems much more honest in my circumstances, a release without feeling I have taken advantage of someone else.

Well, once again my post goes on ad on.  I hope you will forgive- when I begin on this thread, it seems to pour out.  I appreciate all your kind words and thoughts.


To be or not to be- Hamlet
To live is to fly- Townes Van Zant
Do be do be do; Come fly with me- Frank Sinatra

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#78 16-12-06 05:34:10

polarchill
Member
Registered: 14-09-06
Posts: 585

Re: A bit of romance.

jwhite wrote:

There's a program on Showtime right now about a serial killer who only kills them what needed killin' (still a viable defense in some of these United States) called "Dexter".  Dexter has to consciously think about every social interaction, because he has no social instincts.  I think we all attach far too much weight to what others think of us.  In a way, it's extremely egotistic, as it assumes others think about us at all.  It takes all kinds, the good lord made them all... and yet, the odd bird gets pecked to death, the odd beast run off from the pack.   So there is this essential tension in our lives between conformity and the freak flag.

I'm a big time Dexter viewer.  Haven't missed an episode yet.  I relate very much to the lead character, not because I'm in any way dangerous (my fiancee laughs at me when I try to appear menacing), but because I understand the concept of mimicking "proper" social interaction.  I'm one of those people who can watch a comedy, for example, that I enjoy very much and yet not neccesarily have to laugh out loud.

My fiancee draws me out of this shell, as do a handful of close friends.  In other situations, I feel like I know what I'm expected to do, and kind of play along by the numbers.

jwhite wrote:

Polarchill, I would never have taken you for an introvert on the basis of your posts in different threads.

Well, that's because I have always expressed myself best with the written word.  I was accustomed to doing so from early in my youth, long before the popularity of the internet, so once this particular form of social interaction became a common thing, I seemed to slip into it pretty naturally.

My fiancee, incidentally, is someone who I originally met online, and not really in a sexual context. We ran across each other in a film discussion group, and after a couple of months realized that our interests and personalities (particularly our senses of humor) were very compatible.  It was almost a year later that we actually met face to face.

The internet, good friends, a good lover; these are all things (in addition to good liquor, for those of you who are into it) that can draw a person out of his/her shell.  For me, though, it's always a temporary thing.  I do withdraw.  Part of my waving my freak flag is enjoying the silence from time to time.  The hard part is knowing the difference between:

A) when it is by choice,

and

B) when it means that my bipolar condition is kicking in, and I need
     to have my medication adjusted.

One more thought.  I have always suspected that a fascination with orgasms is something that many introverted people have in common.  As I see it, watching someone let loose, and allow themselves to give into a purely instinctive, "animal" moment, is a fascinating experience.  To do so myself at the same time, in addition to being good dirty fun, gives me the sensation that for just a moment I have not just slipped out of my shell, but that the shell around me has actually exploded.

Do you people agree or disagree?

Last edited by polarchill (16-12-06 06:01:41)


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Polarchill

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#79 16-12-06 05:39:42

gala
bonanza jellybean of state
From: melbizzy
Registered: 11-04-06
Posts: 1,553
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

jwhite wrote:

I don't think that relative anonymity had much to do with it

yeah, that whole question of anonymity came up a few weeks ago in some of the debates...i think that's really interesting how people experience that, particularly online.  i haven't really figured out what i think about that whole issue, because a lot of great points have been made as to whether it's at play or what its significance may be.  it comes up in a lot of online issues (porn, relationships, self-expression,
etc).  i'm quite fascinated by the whole thing.

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#80 16-12-06 06:02:52

polarchill
Member
Registered: 14-09-06
Posts: 585

Re: A bit of romance.

gala wrote:
jwhite wrote:

I don't think that relative anonymity had much to do with it

yeah, that whole question of anonymity came up a few weeks ago in some of the debates...i think that's really interesting how people experience that, particularly online.

You're the one with the glasses, right? *ducks as she hurls a shoe at him*


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Polarchill

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#81 16-12-06 07:06:18

gala
bonanza jellybean of state
From: melbizzy
Registered: 11-04-06
Posts: 1,553
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

i've noticed that when some people have addressed me lately, they have also included some sort of action marked from the text by brackets or asterisks, usually indicating their attempts to escape me or objects thrown by me.  there have been at least a few posts like this.  i sincerely hope that this stops soon, because i think it characterizes me as some sort of monster who reflexively responds with aggression to those who speak to me.  i'm sure that these have been at least vaguely in jest, but once i saw it happen repetitvely, i felt much less entertained by it, so maybe we can not do it anymore.  thanks.

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#82 16-12-06 07:14:00

polarchill
Member
Registered: 14-09-06
Posts: 585

Re: A bit of romance.

In my case it has always been considered a trademark (tired) shtick , but now that I know that it bothers you I will definitely not use it with you.  I have too much fun in discussions with you to make you feel alienated. smile


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Polarchill

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#83 16-12-06 09:45:32

Desertgirl44
Member
From: Australia
Registered: 13-10-06
Posts: 211
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

jwhite wrote:

And desertgirl, the more I read of you, the more curious I become.  Do you think your monogamy is as a result of the lack of connection an open relationship might imply, or is it simply another way of facing the world?  When I was younger I would have gladly shagged anyone who would open their legs, but as a result of my second marriage I have turned down sex on offer because I felt no connection, not even with a raging hard-on.  Masturbation seems much more honest in my circumstances, a release without feeling I have taken advantage of someone else.

Interesting question jwhite, one I’ve pondered often over the past 6 years since I ended my marriage. I practise monogamy with my current partner primarily because he describes himself as a serial monogamist. And I felt if I truly wanted a good relationship with him then I would need to become monogamous. And I’ve been very content sexually and emotionally in spite of the niggles and “not-quite-so-perfect” status of this relationship. In my experience non-monogamists seem better able to cope with the idea of having a monogamist partner and/or relationship than the opposite scenario, i.e. a monogamous person trying to cope with the idea of an open relationship.

A brief history of my open marriage. We went through periods of faithfulness, sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance. But the husband was always keen on the idea of a threesome, and that he’d really like to see me with another woman. He kept pushing the idea, I kept saying no. In the end I told him I’d been there done that, that I was in fact bisexual. Instead of shutting him up, he just wanted to know all the nitty gritty details. He still wanted a threesome, and he was right into describing fantasies and acting them out. I told him I’d only do a threesome with another man. And he challenged me to start looking around for somebody “suitable”. Around this time we got connected to the internet (1996) and we started researching bisexuality and group sex. This led us to discover the philosophy and lifestyle of polyamory and swingers clubs. My husband was attracted by the idea of having sex with other women and watching me having sex (with other women or men). I was attracted by the possibility of emotionally and sexually connecting with more than one partner. I liked the idea of exploring polyamorous relationships. In the end we explored a bit of everything. We even enjoyed an interesting nine months where we had another man live with us and our family. The kids saw the extra man in their home as just a fun person to have around, and very easily accepted the fact that he often shared their parents bed. It didn’t faze them at all. My husband explored his bisexual side (with a bit of confusion, fear and trepidation although he also enjoyed it) and I got lots of sex and emotional attention. When that ended we moved back to the swingers clubs and making contacts online. We preferred quiet, casual but long-lasting relationships. My husband got off on watching me be pleasured by, and pleasuring two men. I got to see the “other” man even on days when my husband wasn’t around so I was getting great sex, plenty of it and also enjoyed the companionship and friendship of these other lovers. I also had a number of casual relationships with other women which I did not share with my husband. As we both travelled abroad frequently, we had an agreement that we could “see” other people whilst we were away.

Looking back, what I wasn’t getting emotionally from my husband, I was getting from all my lovers. I find it funny (fascinating) that many of these men and women who became my casual lovers kept in contact with me for some years after I returned to Australia. So obviously some sort of emotional bond had taken place. In spite of the fact that when initially setting up a meeting, it was supposed to be nothing but simple, casual sex, no strings attached.

I am happy in my current monogamous state. In fact, to be honest, there’s no way I could cope sharing my partner with another person. And I’m not that keen on sharing myself with anyone else either. Not really. And I think that says a lot about the sheer joyfulness of the companionship I enjoy with him. But … it doesn’t stop me fantasizing and considering the idea of having a fuck buddy. Not for everyday use. Just here and there. And that says something about my libido I think.

And then, there are things in my current relationship that make me question it all over again.

I'll write more later, I'm hungry and need to go eat.

Cheers all.

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#84 17-12-06 00:02:12

Will
Member
From: Scotland
Registered: 06-04-06
Posts: 216

Re: A bit of romance.

Burlesque wrote:

How happy, "successful" or satisfied are you IFM member types when you look at your current and previous experiences of romance and sex, and what makes you happy or satisfied?

This is a bit of a strange one for me, as I can hand on heart say that I am completely unsatisfied with my current and previous experiences of romance/relationships. It's a part of my life which is extremelly lacking, and I'm sorry to say that I have pretty much given up on. As much as that might sound quite self-pitying it really isn't meant to be. It's just how things are.
My life at the moment is moving onwards after a long spell where I felt I was simply stuck in nuetral. Now however I have a new and exciting job which will open up so many different doors for me. I have today just ordered myself a nice and shiney new car, and in 3 months time I'll be looking to buy myself a new flat in my city's West End. All in all it's going to be a busy but exciting time for me over the next year....

Relationship wise though it's never really happened for me. I can't quite put my finger on why, as I am forever getting people telling me they are amazed to hear that I'm single or that I'm not out "on the pull" all the time. I'm attractive, well educated, polite, well mannered, etc etc.... Fact is though that I have got to the stage where I have just put the thought of meeting someone whom I like (and who likes me in return) straight to the back of my mind. And of course a  sex life goes hand in hand with that notion. It seems I'll be celebate for a while to come.

The reasons why are maybe a little varied. Essentially though it comes down to the fact that I am fed up getting involved in things which turn out to be destructive and which leave me feeling drained. I would love to be involved in something positive for a change, but I just don't have the will to seek out it. And of course seeing as these things very rarely land straight onto your lap it seems I've found myself at a little of a dead end. hmm I just don't have the energy anymore for wasting my time running around chasing women who, when I'm honest with myself, I was never really that interested in in the first place.

And so it goes. 27 years old and I've already resigned myself to just doing my own thing for the forseeable future. I admit that the thought does get me down at times. However, unless I was to meet and get involved with someone I found spectacular then I know I would simply end up feeling far too cynical about the whole thing again as I have in the past. These spectacular people do exist out there as I have met them in the past. Still, I'm not going to let the thought of something more get to me......


EDIT- Whoops. I've just realised that I've already posted in this thread. It's strange though to read back on that old post of a few months back and this one. To realise that the feelings of bitterness at being past by are being more and more replaced with a feeling of resignation. Not quite sure if that's a step forward or not...... big_smile

Last edited by Will (17-12-06 00:04:47)

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#85 17-12-06 00:40:48

Desertgirl44
Member
From: Australia
Registered: 13-10-06
Posts: 211
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

I think happy, contented people simply attract others to them, somehow you seem more attractive. (Mind you, the opposite is often true too, the more despondent you are the more likely you are to attract people too ... often the wrong people for you).

I've found that one has to be happy, really happy, with one's own company before you can afford to let another person into your life (as a romantic partner). So Will, my advice would be to concentrate on enjoying your life. There is much happiness and fun to be had from life even on one's own. Hopefully, just when you least expect it, a wonderful person will walk into your life and it'll be just magical ... good luck and happy living!

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#86 17-12-06 06:34:05

mister_eee
Member
Registered: 09-12-06
Posts: 1

Re: A bit of romance.

Good work desertgirl - helpful advice. In addition, I'm always overjoyed when good things happen to good people!

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#87 17-12-06 08:24:52

msnevil
Member
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 330

Re: A bit of romance.

Where in the DSM-IV does it state that being "gay" is a disease or abnormal. The DSM-IV "disease" label was removed in the 1970's.

And what is "Normal"?


Desertgirl44 wrote:

And yes, I believe we are all "normal". Although according to the psychiatric bible the DSM-IV I am abnormal and in need of treatment, as are 99.9% of the population. (I loathed this aspect of my nursing training because it says being gay is "abnormal".)

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#88 17-12-06 08:45:31

msnevil
Member
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 330

Re: A bit of romance.

For me, Bonding is only successful when you become "one" with your mate.

Watch the next time you give her a orgasm. Is there synchronicity between you and her?




polarchill wrote:

One more thought.  I have always suspected that a fascination with orgasms is something that many introverted people have in common.  As I see it, watching someone let loose, and allow themselves to give into a purely instinctive, "animal" moment, is a fascinating experience.  To do so myself at the same time, in addition to being good dirty fun, gives me the sensation that for just a moment I have not just slipped out of my shell, but that the shell around me has actually exploded.

Do you people agree or disagree?

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#89 17-12-06 08:55:14

Desertgirl44
Member
From: Australia
Registered: 13-10-06
Posts: 211
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

msnevil wrote:

Where in the DSM-IV does it state that being "gay" is a disease or abnormal. The DSM-IV "disease" label was removed in the 1970's.

And what is "Normal"?

Desertgirl44 wrote:

And yes, I believe we are all "normal". Although according to the psychiatric bible the DSM-IV I am abnormal and in need of treatment, as are 99.9% of the population. (I loathed this aspect of my nursing training because it says being gay is "abnormal".)

I did my psychiatric nursing training in 2003, in Australia. Unfortunately I don't have a copy of the DSM-IV at home (nor do we have a copy of it in the hospital library but that's another story) so can't point you to a page. What I do vividly recall from that course is the fact we had a small number of gay (and bi) nurses in our class, all of whom were most offended when we covered this aspect of mental health and sexuality. There was so much uproar in the class that our ethics lecturer decided to add the topic to our discussion list in the ethics class. I should mention that the copy we had in the classroom was fairly old, certainly it was older than 1998 (because it didn't fit the university's 5-years or less for a quotable text and we had to get permission to quote from it in our assignments).

I don't remember homosexuality being labelled as a "disease" as such, just that much was made (by our lecturers, psych nurses and psychs) of the fact that the homosexual "behaviour" did not fit in with mainstream society and could lead to stress and anxiety problems (that should be treated). Of course, as per our legislation in this country, it was also pointed out that it is illegal to discriminate on the grounds of sexuality.

One guest lecturer stood out, that was the nurse/counsellor from the gay counselling service in the area. She was our hero (for the students). The rest of the lecturers were not happy with the overall result of this aspect of our training (we complained too much) and we were moved on quite rapidly to the next topic on the curriculum.

It became one of those jokes amongst the gay & bi nurses, how we "didn't fit in" and "needed help" etc etc.

Not one of us ended up taking on a position in the psych wards of the public hospital. I know for me, a big reason was the impact of that part of our class. One of the other nurses ended up joining a gay activism group as she felt there was still a lot of discrimination against gays.

(I should mention that the bulk of that mental health course focussed on post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and bi-polar disease. The topic of sexuality and behaviour was meant to be only a brief section but blew out to be quite major due to the controversy.)

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#90 17-12-06 09:36:10

polarchill
Member
Registered: 14-09-06
Posts: 585

Re: A bit of romance.

msnevil wrote:

For me, Bonding is only successful when you become "one" with your mate.

Watch the next time you give her a orgasm. Is there synchronicity between you and her?

Well, in my example I was referring mainly to situations in which the person in question would be limited to more of a spectator role.  But to answer your question, yes, my fiancee and I bonded at that level very early on.

Ironically enough, though, both my partner and I have much more intense orgasms resulting from oral sex.  As a result, I spend a great deal of time watching her, as well.  After so many years together, I must say that my emotional connection with her is so strong that when she comes my own visceral and emotional reaction is almost as intense as a physical orgasm.  Sometimes having her reciprocate, however skillfully, can almost seem almost anticlimactic.

Still, it seems impolite for me to interrupt.


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Polarchill

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#91 17-12-06 12:22:09

Desertgirl44
Member
From: Australia
Registered: 13-10-06
Posts: 211
Website

Re: A bit of romance.

polarchill wrote:

After so many years together, I must say that my emotional connection with her is so strong that when she comes my own visceral and emotional reaction is almost as intense as a physical orgasm.  Sometimes having her reciprocate, however skillfully, can almost seem almost anticlimactic.

I think that's really beautiful.

I love that physical sensation of joy I feel when I watch/feel my partner orgasm. It just makes you want to sigh and relax and have a little nap whilst one basks in the afterglow.

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#92 17-12-06 20:32:10

Will
Member
From: Scotland
Registered: 06-04-06
Posts: 216

Re: A bit of romance.

Desertgirl44 wrote:

I think happy, contented people simply attract others to them, somehow you seem more attractive. (Mind you, the opposite is often true too, the more despondent you are the more likely you are to attract people too ... often the wrong people for you).

That's possibly very true, and I am working on it. "Happiness" seems to be quite a tricky thing to pin down however. Not to say that I'm unhappy as such, just more a case of not feeling as if I have yet found where I fit in in this world. I don't doubt that people can see through me a lot of the time, and clearly it's hardly an attractive trait. To find someone who is at odds with themselves most of the time. hmm

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#93 21-12-06 07:16:26

Calenture
Member
Registered: 21-11-06
Posts: 193

Re: A bit of romance.

Quotation from an interview with Townes Van Zandt

Q. How come most of your songs are sad songs?
TVZ [absolutely deadpan]: I have a few that aren’t sad. They’re hopeless.

This is going to be a long post, but if you stick with it you’ll find out why it’s here instead of on the music thread.

Back in the early 1990s, when everyone else was excited about Grunge and gearing up for Britpop, my attention was focused elsewhere – on reconstructing my own personal version of musical history. The internet was already up and running, but neither I nor anyone I knew had access to it, so research meant word of mouth, fanzines – and the sort of record shops that the bloke in High Fidelity runs. They do exist. I remember ordering the just re-released early Fairport Convention albums in one of them, and the guy taking the order knew the catalogue numbers OFF BY HEART.

Anyway, there were set procedures for research. You would note who played on a record you’d just discovered, who produced it, who wrote the songs. Now, do THEY have any albums available perchance? They do? That’s the next link in the chain then. And so on. You painstakingly built up a map, as all explorers do.

So, the Holy Grail for me at that point was to get a bootleg of the infamous, abandoned Smile sessions by The Beach Boys. Now I knew that the guy who wrote most of the lyrics for Smile was Van Dyke Parks, but – and this is crucial to what follows – I couldn’t quite remember his name. So when I was rummaging around one day in a favourite shop of mine and I came across a cassette by someone called Townes Van Zandt, I bought it on spec under a quite mistaken impression.

When I played it, it was immediately obvious that this was not someone who had ever collaborated with The Beach Boys. I saved all my cents in the coming months and dredged through the shop’s racks. Eventually I managed to find most of Townes Van Zandt's (hereafter TVZ) albums.They were released on a small, low budget label called Tomato. All of them had the same introductory essay, so you just got the same few facts over and over again. There was very little other information in the sleevenotes, but in what there was I didn’t recognize any of the names. So I couldn’t integrate TVZ into my existing musical geography. He was off the edge of the map – unexplored territory in the place marked ‘Here be monsters’. So far as I was able to reconstruct his career path, there seemed to have been a creative burst from 1968-1970, followed by a slightly slower but still productive period in the early 70s, then a long gap before a solitary album in 78, then complete silence. What happened to him?

Then one day, there he was – billed as playing an upcoming gig in my home town. I bought my ticket, but since I couldn’t find anyone else who had even heard of this mysterious man, I wondered who was going to pitch up to see him play.

It was a small club, but it was sold out. And I remember the sense of astonishment and disorientation I felt standing in the middle of it. Who ARE all you people? Where did you come from?

TVZ came on and played a very professional set, leavened with a bone-dry wit. If it was not quite as transcendental as I had hoped, maybe that was because he had been playing the same set for a long time by then, the best one he could manage in the absence of new material and (as I later learned) in the grip of various addictions.

Half-way through, someone in the crowd interrupted, and proceeded to bellow the opening words of a TVZ song in a drunken slur and with a strong local accent. From my point of view, it was an anonymous contribution because I couldn’t see who it was coming from. The song he quoted is called ‘Nothin’, and is a cheery ditty, very popular at marriages, christenings and other festive events. The opening lines are:

Hey momma, when you go
Don’t leave a thing behind
I don’t want nothin’
I can’t use nothin’

At first I was a bit annoyed at what seemed to be boorish behaviour. But then I realized that what I was hearing was actually a declaration of love - to TVZ - and that’s when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

Are you still with me? Because here’s the twist: Perhaps you thought that this post was about my ‘relationship’ with TVZ. It isn’t. It is instead about my ‘relationship’ with that anonymous, drunken man in the audience fifteen years ago. Because the atmosphere in that club as he ‘sang’ those four hopeless lines is the same atmosphere that exists in this thread. I don’t know if that makes sense. I hope so. To put it more plainly, however unworthy you think your own contribution might be – maybe to your ears it just sounds like drunken bellowing, or it seems so irredeemably hopeless that you can’t bear to see the words on the screen – there will be someone reading who will recognize it for what it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzl1O4nP … ed&search=

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Townes_Van_Zandt

Last edited by Calenture (21-12-06 16:51:43)

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#94 21-12-06 08:16:03

bolero
Member
Registered: 15-11-06
Posts: 128

Re: A bit of romance.

I have tried to post in this thread before.  I am astonished, thrilled and totally gobsmacked at the breadth of knowledge, self efacement, wit and experience which have been expressed in what people have written.  But I'm going on holiday tomorrow and won't be back until the New Year.  There are no computers where I'm going and the only form of transport is in a horse's saddle so have a happy Christmas everyone.  CU in the new year.

Last edited by bolero (21-12-06 18:20:57)


Problems are a sign of life.  The only people without them are in cemetaries - Napoleon Hill

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#95 21-12-06 08:22:03

Calenture
Member
Registered: 21-11-06
Posts: 193

Re: A bit of romance.

Thank you for sharing that bolero.

Last edited by Calenture (21-12-06 12:24:28)

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#96 21-12-06 09:42:13

msnevil
Member
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 330

Re: A bit of romance.

Like you, I am in the medical field. Though my training was in the early 1990's.

There were "gay" people in my class. But I guess, the subject was never a major concept of discussion. (Which puzzle's me why it was with your ethics class? Any lifestyle can lead to anxiety and stress.)

I remember somebody telling me that my friend was "gay". And my reaction was "So what". I really don't see what being gay has to do with the medical field. A body is a body, and when your on the job. Sex is not on your mind. The patient is.

As to being gay being a abmorality. Hormone levels in the womb influences sexual choice. We Can't choose who we are. But we can choose how we live with it. And the Holistic approach to living a life in a homeopathic hierarchy of needs is what is needed.



Desertgirl44 wrote:

It became one of those jokes amongst the gay & bi nurses, how we "didn't fit in" and "needed help" etc etc.

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#97 21-12-06 17:17:46

Siobhan
Member
Registered: 15-06-06
Posts: 823

Re: A bit of romance.

Wow. Calenture and Bolero -- such lovely contributions. thank you very much. i feel humbled.


Under all speech that is good for any-thing there lies a silence that is better.  Silence is as deep as Eternity;  speech is as shallow as Time.--Thomas Carlysle

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#98 21-12-06 18:18:46

shamFritters
Member
From: Chicago
Registered: 10-07-06
Posts: 78

Re: A bit of romance.

Calenture wrote:

Not much good Townes Van Zandt on YouTube (see the Romance thread before I delete the relevant posting, which I probably will).

Dude - don't you DARE delete that post!

Rickie Lee Jones says it this way: "I hear all the people in the world/ in one bird's lonely cry."

It's hard to express a real moment in words. There are so many words, and we're a wordy group to begin with, so when someone re-strings them and they come together like that, sudden, unexpected and clear, it knocks me over sideways.

bolero - you do this too.

Nice moment, Cal - seriously, I got chills.

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#99 22-12-06 03:29:54

jwhite
Member
From: midwestern USA
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 180

Re: A bit of romance.

If you've read my earlier posts in this thread you know how music (and bad turtlenecks and plaid trousers) is a large part of who and what I am.  Calenture, I love both the Vans (for totally different reasons), and TVZ is like a bloodletting.  If you've not seen the documentary "Be Here To Love Me", you must.  (And apropos of some other thread, please note the proper order of punctuation in the previous sentence ;-). )  And, your description of musical archaeology is just as it should be(and the best Fairport is "Unhalfbricking", because as much as they did to be the Brit Byrds, their appreciation for American songwriters is equally important.  I find at so many points in my life that music is an integral element, not merely a soundtrack.   I will commend to you a song by Sarah Hickman, "Simply", that describes my relationship with the above-described second wlfe.  Sarah has a nice little story about this song; I have had the honor of seeing her several times lately, and was able (only just keeping it together) to share the story of my wife's death, and how much this song meant to us;  God bless her, she has told my story each time I see her, and she has a hard time not crying.  Me, I'm glad it's dark in the house, because I can't hear the song without crying.

"Here, There and Everywhere", "In My Life", "Avalon"....

And it's not just appropriating someone else's stuff, it speaks to the universal.  I got that from Siobhan's stuff, and that lead me to open my heart, and here we are, and I'm so glad that we can touch one another in this very intimate way. 

PS. "simply" is on an oop record called "Equal Scary People".  I know Ms. Hickman has her own web site with beaucoups recordings, but don't recall if she has the rights to this one. If you ever have a chance to see her, do.  She is so alive and warm and funny, and smoking hot to boot.  Of course, I'm completely prejudiced....


To be or not to be- Hamlet
To live is to fly- Townes Van Zant
Do be do be do; Come fly with me- Frank Sinatra

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#100 22-12-06 03:31:11

jwhite
Member
From: midwestern USA
Registered: 18-03-06
Posts: 180

Re: A bit of romance.

Oh, and Cal, leave that post alone, please.


To be or not to be- Hamlet
To live is to fly- Townes Van Zant
Do be do be do; Come fly with me- Frank Sinatra

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