do fantasies mature along with us?

viva · 23-07-14 06:27:59

Hey folks. I've been thinking a lot about fantasies lately - probably thanks to being back home in my cozy bed, with plenty of time to treat myself to the luxury of long, drawn out maz sessions. What I'm realizing, is that I feel like I'm hitting a wall with my fantasies. Like many people seem to feel about porn before they end up here, my fantasies feel kind of boring. Like something I've grown out of, in a way, except I haven't grown into anything new.

My fantasies always involve elements of performance, subtle force, power dynamics, a young girl(s), an older man/men, some element of risk, disproportionate sizes...

This is all good stuff, but it feels like I'm in a rut where those are the only things I can think about when getting off. I wish I could be mentally stimulated by a wider array of potential combinations.

Fantasizing in words is really important to me, especially at the beginning of a session, as I'm not very good at conjuring visuals. I can clear my mind sometimes and focus just on sensation, but without my brain, it almost feels like part of me is missing.

There are parts of me that are attracted to and stimulated by new things - like girls, actually, more and more recently. But anytime I try and think about girls, a giant lumberjack or something wanders up to join in. Are fantasies forever doomed to reflect only my adolescent stage of sexuality? If I only can think about dominant men, is that just who I am, or do these things generally change and grow?

I guess this could be a good time to explore new porn and erotica and stimulation, but then, I have this classic problem of confusing work and play... as much as I like erotic creativity, the last thing I want to do at home is trawl the web for the good stuff!

I'm just exploring my own thoughts, but I guess I wonder if anyone else can relate, has had the feeling that their imagination is letting them down or not growing up along with them. Wisdom, people, give it to me!

Monotreme · 23-07-14 14:29:06

I use fantasies to explore things that are illegal, horribly unethical, and/or physically impossible: zero-gravity sex, for example.

As I get older, I get more and more confident that my fantasies are not going to "bleed" into reality and cause harm. My thinking is that fantasizing about something is not going to make me more likely to actually *do* it, but rather less likely.

This also has the side-effect of spicing up my fantasy life, which is a bonus. As you say, I've gone through periods where things got kinda stale, not only in real life, but in my fantasies as well.

viva · 24-07-14 01:03:52

What's interesting to me is you're implying that your fantasizing is intentional - that you can use your fantasies to explore and grow. I want to do that too, except I seem to be stuck in some kind of pre-school of the erotic mind. Interestingly I find as my actual sex life gets better my fantasy sex life loses quality. What the hell is this and how can I fix it! I want it all, please.

Laney · 24-07-14 07:44:55

Monotreme wrote:

I use fantasies to explore things that are illegal, horribly unethical, and/or physically impossible: zero-gravity sex, for example.

This is off topic but did you know that Kate Upton did a shoot in zero gravity? You can watch the video here called Zero G Beauty. It's interesting to see how the photographers floated around with her in the Zero G Shoot video, but the way people keep fussing over her and yelling things at her ruins it for me. I'm glad no one yells "keep that face pretty" at me while I'm doing shoots! There are photos here too.

I use fantasies to explore things that are horribly unethical too... I don't feel as bad about imagining them as I do watching them in porn. I pretty much stopped having fantasies when I started watching porn, and it wasn't until earlier this year when I decided to have a break from it that I really got into fantasising again. It was so nice to develop my ability to imagine sexy scenarios, recall hot memories or just bliss out and not think about anything. My fantasies change all the time but I guess like you Viva they often involve power dynamics, younger girl(s), dominant men... I wonder how much of the reason I like these things I because they're so prevalent in mainstream porn. All I really remember fantasising about before I started watching porn is boys from my high school... So I guess my fantasies have matured and reflect where I'm at now, but maybe at some point they'll stop changing, I don't know.

So to fix your problem... watch less porn and more porn, have worse sex and better sex... try all the things!

Last edited by Laney (24-07-14 07:50:22)

Monotreme · 24-07-14 19:03:50

Devochka: Yes, I was all over that Kate Upton shoot when it came out. I am not particularly fond of the ice-cream-cone artificial breasts that one sees on women these days, and mostly I was fascinated by how the ice cream scoops did (or did not) move in zero G.

Laney · 25-07-14 01:13:53

I'm so on board with the global fascination with how Kate Upton's ice cream scoops move... I would love to feel how mine would move in zero G.

Monotreme · 25-07-14 01:56:22

Devochka: for US$10,000, we can go and try it out.

http://www.gozerog.com/

Laney · 25-07-14 02:17:54

If only that didn't seem like so much money to me I would love to go. I know they can't have this for safety reasons but it would be cool if they had poles or something so you could pull yourself through the air. Though it's all over so fast maybe it would just be fun to float freely.

viva · 25-07-14 06:25:17

I feel like doing that, floating weightlessly... I wouldn't want to come back to weight. How sad it would feel, kind of like after a trip on hallucinogens, to come back to earth... not that I'd know, of course.

AmyDiamond · 26-07-14 09:28:29

viva wrote:

... What I'm realizing, is that I feel like I'm hitting a wall with my fantasies. Like many people seem to feel about porn before they end up here, my fantasies feel kind of boring. Like something I've grown out of, in a way, except I haven't grown into anything new. ..

I find fantasies fading away with age. I do think fantasies "mature" over time, and did so for me. "Hitting a wall" with fantasies as you write; I certainly can relate to that. For me, they started to fade as I, eventually, entered upon the path of mutual sex. No fantasy of mine could ever match the sensation of doing the real thing with someone I liked. So my fantasies became instances where I tried to recall the sensations from real love making.

I never fantasize when making love with a woman. Fantasizing would for me mean leaving the mutual love-space, and I'd rather be as present as I can. Solo-sexing is of course a little different, but I tend more to feel the sensations in my body, rather than think of something that might trigger them. I think, generally, people perhaps watch too much porn which tend to propel fantasies and make people leave their bodies. They (or we) get off on someone else's idea of marketable sex imagery, rather than to stay home in themselves. This has lead to many, many people having their bodies sort of cut off from their heads, so they solosex more in their minds than in their bodies. As a result, people tend to increase their porn consumption to get stronger stimulae, to get off. A vicious spiral down, this is, I think. Reports have it that young men under the age of 20 already are impotent to half-impotent and find it hard to maintain erections, etc, because their libido is alienated from their bodies.

So what I am doing here? Because I usually loathe ordinary commercial studio produced porn. To me, those products resemble violence.
But at this place I'm ambivalent to the point of being irresistibly drawn to the beauty of yourself and quite a few of your colleagues. Of course you all feed my fantasies. But often I will watch you feel yourself, and then switch off the screen and start feeling myself. If I touch myself while watching, I tend to forget my body and concentrate on your beauty alone, and I sort of participate less, than if I just take in your beauty first, and then relax back into my own body. But once in a while I will leave the screen on, and my fantasy will then be us sitting feeling ourselves together. I have taken part in mass self-loving meetings, a few times. There is a Danish woman leading self-loving meetings of 100 people sharing a mutual self-loving space, and the self love spills to the whole group in perfect harmony, joy and fun sharing. By the way, I love your wonderful diaries. Blessings from Sweden!

Monotreme · 01-08-14 22:56:33

More about sex in space. I'm proud to call Dr. Carin Bondar my friend, so it was a special treat to see her in this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxEKAU4fgKA

Laney · 20-08-14 08:51:07

Aah how did I forget tot reply to this? Your friend is really cool!

I wanted to ask everybody what form your fantasies take. Viva mentioned earlier that she fantasies in words, which made me realise that I really never do that and I always have visual fantasies. Usually I fantasise in third person, I'm not present or participating. Sometimes I fantasise from the perspective of myself in the situation, but it usually switches back to third person pretty quickly.

Do you do the same thing? Or are you an active participant in your fantasies? Do you fantasise in words or pictures? I'm curious to know.

Also here is a bonus gif I just found of a very silly fake orgasm

Laney · 20-08-14 09:00:09

Also, if you're comfortable sharing your fantasies I'm interested to hear them! Also, what do you think about when you watch IFM videos? Is your mind just completely blown by how sexy they are to the point that you don't think of anything else? Or do you think of them doing whatever you want them to? You're anonymous so feel free to share

viva · 21-08-14 01:18:09

I actually use words to fuel my pictures, as if I'm writing or reading. As I think the words of narration, the picture develops around them, and sometimes I can flow and the fantasy just grows its own legs but most of the time I need to keep intentionally "writing" the scene in order to get the imagination pictures I'm after.

I also fantasize in 3rd person, mostly, though my mind can handle imagining 2 bodies, and an explicit image, and maybe a few "impressions", all at the same time... I think I often fantasize about "feelings" as well, like the way I know how it makes me feel to look up at a man's face when I'm going down on him, or the way I project it feels for a man to be between a woman's legs and play with her....

I don't watch IFM to get off (when I'm off the clock that is ) but if I did I think it would be much the way I watch other types of porn... I don't take the characters out of context and "use" them later.

However when I find a character or a plotline hot in movies or books.... I will think of them again... like James Spader in Secretary, various Lannisters, or Edward Norton in American History X. Yeah, I'm a creep.

Saucium · 21-08-14 03:02:12

Yes, I believe fantasies do mature in direct proportion to the evolution of the fantasizer. When I was a teenager, I used to fantasize about direct, explicit sex about anyone and anything. These days, they're more "refined" (I know more about sex now than I did then) and usually directed toward one woman.

It's like what they say about the difference between men and boys: the price of their toys.

Laney · 21-08-14 03:09:44

Saucium wrote:

These days, they're more "refined" (I know more about sex now than I did then) and usually directed toward one woman.

Is she someone you know?

Saucium · 21-08-14 03:15:41

Devochka wrote:

Saucium wrote:
These days, they're more "refined" (I know more about sex now than I did then) and usually directed toward one woman.
Is she someone you know?

You must be psychic. Yes, she is.

Laney · 21-08-14 04:15:32

Hehe, I was wondering if she was your girlfriend/wife/friend or a model or something

Saucium · 21-08-14 05:02:39

Devochka wrote:

Hehe, I was wondering if she was your girlfriend/wife/friend or a model or something

She's a friend--and potentially something more if she chooses to be. I think she did modeling and something else, yes. Technically, she and I are more than friends but less than lovers. We've been emotionally intimate but not physically intimate...yet.

viva wrote:

I'm just exploring my own thoughts, but I guess I wonder if anyone else can relate, has had the feeling that their imagination is letting them down or not growing up along with them. Wisdom, people, give it to me!

Ms. Viva, what would have to happen for you to make peace with who and where you are now?

Last edited by Saucium (21-08-14 05:10:38)

Laney · 21-08-14 05:21:08

Ooh, I hope that she fulfills your fantasies one day

Last edited by Laney (21-08-14 05:33:24)

viva · 21-08-14 05:27:20

Saucium wrote:

Ms. Viva, what would have to happen for you to make peace with who and where you are now?

Deep, saucium!

Really I think it's a matter of letting go of my dependence on fantasy and fantasy lives in general, and actually living and delighting in the moment....

Gulp.

Saucium · 21-08-14 05:40:18

Devochka wrote:

Ooh, I hope one day that she fulfills your fantasies

Thank you. In a sense, she already is.

viva wrote:

Saucium wrote:
Ms. Viva, what would have to happen for you to make peace with who and where you are now?
Deep, saucium!
Really I think it's a matter of letting go of my dependence on fantasy and fantasy lives in general, and actually living and delighting in the moment....
Gulp.

Exactly. I know that you know that you already have the wisdom you seek inside of you, do you not?

And if it's any consolation, Ms. Viva, you're in good company. I, too, have to pause and remind myself to be in the here and now every so often. Take the woman I just mentioned. I desire physical intimacy with her and I enjoy my erotic fantasies involving her, sure. However, no external circumstances have to change for me to be happy--it's an internal thing. The here and now is where true happiness lies, is it not?

Sometimes, I forget and end up dwelling on the past or being concerned about the future. That's okay. I just catch myself, breathe and go back to the present. I'm learning to be kinder to myself these days. And in the process, I'm learning to be kinder to others.

So enjoy your fantasies because they are fun, yet know that you don't need them to be really, truly happy. You never did. If they don't seem to be evolving, let them be. You'll eventually attract new ones that match your current level of growth. Better yet, be the fantasy you wish to experience.

You're already on your way, my friend. In fact, I dare say you're already there. Good job!

Last edited by Saucium (21-08-14 05:48:01)

Laney · 21-08-14 05:46:27

N'awww

Saucium · 21-08-14 05:49:36

Devochka wrote:

N'awww

You see...this is what I enjoy about this community. XD I'm grateful to be here.

#1 23-07-14 06:27:59

do fantasies mature along with us?

#2 23-07-14 14:29:06

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#3 24-07-14 01:03:52

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#4 24-07-14 07:44:55

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#5 24-07-14 19:03:50

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#6 25-07-14 01:13:53

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#8 25-07-14 02:17:54

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