No orgasm....

Will · 06-04-06 13:30:45

Seeing as this website is dedicated to exactly that, I thought I would throw this out there and see what comments it attracted.

As a perfectly healthy 26 year old man, I have never once had an orgasm through penatrive sex. In fact, I have never been made to come by anyone else. I've only ever been able to reach that point myself. A point at which I know there's no coming back from and where I can let the other person take over, so to speak.

Now this is a bit of a strange one as it's not something I've heard of before. It seems I have the complete opposite problem of premature ejaculation. I could literally have sex all night and not orgasm. Not unless I make myself cum.

Some girls I have . Others, epsecially ex girlfriends, have been a little less understanding. It has on occasion led to feelings of resentment on thier part, as if it is/was something they were doing wrong. As if they weren't pleasing me in some way. As much as I have made the effort to convince them otherwise I can tell there has always been an underlying doubt there.

So quite simply, is this something anyone has come across (no pun intended) before? And if not, and you were faced with this situation (as a girl with a guy or whatever) how would you react?

It almost seems a given that it's relatively easy to make a guy cum. All the effort and pressure (from a male POV) seems to be on making sure the girl has an orgasm. When the tables seem to be turned.....?

bluegrey · 07-04-06 02:33:35

Will wrote:

So quite simply, is this something anyone has come across (no pun intended) before? And if not, and you were faced with this situation (as a girl with a guy or whatever) how would you react?

Yes, although not personally. Talking to friends, yes, sure, I've run across blokes who're not dissimilar. There's an immense amount of pressure on men to always be ready all the time, and biologically, that simply isn't possible or even sensible, so it can make men in your position feel pretty bad sometimes, I imagine. It doesn't make a guy any less of a guy if he's got a different technique, requiring a different approach.

I suppose I would concentrate on the fact that for me, making love is not about the end goal of having an orgasm, it is about having fun with your partner. The fun and closeness is the important bit. Sex is in many ways incidental, really. If 'getting off' isn't the goal, then perhaps there is less pressure on you to perform. Or, heck, you could both concentrate on you first, and her second, or whatever fits together.

I'm in danger of rambling completely off topic now...wooo...

msnevil · 07-04-06 05:31:58

Not to be Rude, But have you had "gay" tendencies in the past. Or other hang-ups that might lead to a subconscious Blockage of Intercourse orgasm?

Can you Orgasm if its “Anal or Oral?”

Have you Got yourself to the Brink, And then inserted? Does it fizzle out then?

Do you have underlying "physical Disease's" like hypertension, Cardiac heart disease, Diabeties, a VD, etc.

Are you addicted to something, And can only orgasm with that?

(Give you a little secret. On my wedding night, I couldn't "cum". I was so "sleepy" from the 14 hour wedding. That sleep was the only thing on my mind. On the 2nd day, Wooo.)

Will · 07-04-06 11:04:07

No gay tendencies, no real hang ups, I'm fit and healthy, no diseases, no drug use, and no addictions. Hell, I can't even blame alcohol, seeing as I don't drink.

As far as I can tell it's just one of those things. When I am in a relationship and do have a sex life, I don't worry about the fact I won't cum through sex. I'd be bloody surprised if I did, but it's not something on my mind.

In a way I can see it as having beneficial side effects. I never go into having sex/making love looking to "get off". Having the idea of that removed is perhaps quite liberating, and it means I'm free to enjoy and experience sex for what it is really meant to be. An experience between two people, not just the end result of orgasm.

And like I said, it's not myself who feels bad. It has on occasion been girlfriends who have felt as if it was their fault. As if they weren't doing enough for me. I can imagine it's the same when men feel "less" of a man if they can't make their gf cum. I feel bad in that way, but that's all.

And as for anal, I don't know. To be honest I've never tried it. My ex gf was all for it, but we split up before the deed was done. Ah well......

Last edited by Will (07-04-06 11:05:06)

pimm · 08-04-06 04:31:31

Will wrote:

In a way I can see it as having beneficial side effects. I never go into having sex/making love looking to "get off". Having the idea of that removed is perhaps quite liberating, and it means I'm free to enjoy and experience sex for what it is really meant to be.

I understand what you are saying here. As I've gotten older, I've slowed down quite a bit, but that's mostly a good thing. These days I occassionally don't cum when having sex with my wife... she gets to a point where she's had enough and we stop. That's nice now and then. On the other hand I think I would feel frustrated if I never came during intercourse. I suppose it depends on what you are used to.

Peter

dauphinb · 08-04-06 07:29:07

pimm wrote:

As I've gotten older, I've slowed down quite a bit, but that's mostly a good thing.

No sh!t, it's a good thing! How much older do I have to get before I (or my wife, I should say) start getting time bonuses? (I'm already 45!)

I'm probably revealing too much about myself, but I confess I've been having a hard time (no pun intended) seeing Will's problem as a problem. My problem is, sadly, rather the other side of the coin. Too bad we can't split the difference, eh?

msnevil · 08-04-06 10:40:29

How do you masturbate Will?

Will · 08-04-06 16:13:48

It's a strange one. When I was a teenager, and tried to masterbate, it never came to anything. I.e I never was able to make myself cum. So for years I never bothered much with it. It seemed pointless. Then I accidentally discovered a technique which worked when I was about 19/20. If I masterbated with the head of my penis rubbing against my duvet then I was able to make myself cum.

It wasn't untill about a year ago that I was ale to make myself cum through masterbating without any friction against the head.

Perhaps I lack some sensitivity? It's certainly one of the theories put forward by an ex of mine.

Elfman · 08-04-06 21:41:47

Will I notice that you haven't refered to any medical explanation. May I ask if you have ever sought any medical advice on this?

Elfman.

Will · 09-04-06 11:50:44

Nope.

I've never thought it as being serious enough to warrant bothering a doctor. Plus, what could they do?

I don't see it as a medical issue. I simply see it as the way I've been built. There's no such thing as normal after all, and whilst my "problem" may not be common amongst men, it's only a problem if you let it become one.

Elfman · 09-04-06 12:00:08

Will wrote:

Nope.
I've never thought it as being serious enough to warrant bothering a doctor. Plus, what could they do?
I don't see it as a medical issue. I simply see it as the way I've been built. There's no such thing as normal after all, and whilst my "problem" may not be common amongst men, it's only a problem if you let it become one.

I must say that I do admire your attitude to this. Shows great wisdom and emotional maturity. I salute you sir.

Elfman.

Jakeview · 10-04-06 07:34:19

Elfman wrote:

Will wrote:
Nope.
I've never thought it as being serious enough to warrant bothering a doctor. Plus, what could they do?
I don't see it as a medical issue. I simply see it as the way I've been built. There's no such thing as normal after all, and whilst my "problem" may not be common amongst men, it's only a problem if you let it become one.
I must say that I do admire your attitude to this. Shows great wisdom and emotional maturity. I salute you sir.
Elfman.

Except for the fact that he SHOULD go get checked by a doctor just to make sure there's nothing there that can, one day, be a true detriment to his health. You pay insurance(at least most of us do,) use it.

Will · 10-04-06 13:44:54

I appreciate that, but like I said, I really don't think it's a medical issue at all. If I did for one second then believe me, I'd be banging on the doctor's office door right now.

It's accepted that there is no 100% way for a woman to cum. Many can't through penetration, some (as we've seen on this website) use water, pillows, fingers, and some can only cum through vibrators. My question right from the start is why is it then so accepted that men are "easy"?

I was looking for a response from some of the women on the forum though. As I said, I have been in the situation before, especially with an ex of mine, where she was left feeling slightly bitter that she couldn't make me cum. As if it was something that she was doing wrong and that she wasn't somehow enough for me. All this despite my assurances to the contrary.

However, being that it is accepted that men are "easy", just how would you feel if you had a partner that you couldn't make cum on your own?

Jakeview · 10-04-06 20:13:54

Will wrote:

My question right from the start is why is it then so accepted that men are "easy"?

Perhaps only because, in the animal kingdom, your personal traits would die off because of your inability to spread your seed. "Will 1.1," who ejaculates at the drop of a hat(like most males,) would pass on his characteristics because his plumbing "worked." You would be the last of your kind.

Based on that perspective--and we're still pretty much built the way we were back then--I don't think it's a mistake to think there's a broken cog in the machinery. I hope there isn't but that's why I suggested you speak to a professional.

BTW, if you abstain from masturbation, will you have a nocturnal emission(wet dream?)

Will · 12-04-06 15:34:57

I don't know. It's been a while since I abstained for any serious length of time.

jolicochon · 12-04-06 17:32:08

Will, I am suspicious about your case. Isn't it a special approach and seduction strategy leading women to try and push you to the glorious end wonderfully called "beautiful agony" ? Isn't it a devilish mean to find the most experienced Master lady, the one who will drive you out? Where is the brake in your mind which allows an erection with the only purpose of satisfying women without satisfying yourself? I see you as a new Schubert...writing a perpetual "Unfinished symphony" nevertheless a genious piece of Art...Friendly yours.

tee_bee · 12-06-06 03:00:04

Liandra wrote:

To be totally honest I haven't come across it. Have you tried using some sort of anal prostate massage during sex?

I don't think you really answered Liandra's Q...

I have a lesser form of what you have... i usually do manage it but it's sometimes a struggle and have the occasional no-O... Usually gets worse as the evening progresses, after first couple of shags, it becomes harder to achieve.

I think i might have a bit less sensitivity that Mr Average i guess, masterbation has never been a "bash, bash, wollop." affair... plus, a factor that probably plays a part is that i've always been quite proliffic as far as masterbation is concerned... leading to reduces sensitivity perhaps... Abstaining before encounters with girlfriends deffo helps me.
Also if i've managed to teeter at the edge of the point-of-no-return and then relaxed, sometime it then becomes bloody hard to achieve.

Back to Liandra's tip, this is something that deffo helps me... get your girlfriend to stick a slippery finger up yer bum, and Bosh! A prostate stimulated O is deffo quite different and nice... the the semen doesn't fly around the room so much, but you feel tops.
Anything around the outside, just inside or proper Prostate stimulation is the ticket.

It's the blokes G-Spot equivelent.

Don't know why this subject isn't more widly known... or at least talked about :-o

For me i guess the girls appreciate the fact that i'm not a 2-minute hero and that they often cum a before and more than me.... But wouldn't be excellent to have Ron Jeremy's infamous Countdown ability!

TB

Will · 12-06-06 14:59:41

tee_bee wrote:

Liandra wrote:
To be totally honest I haven't come across it. Have you tried using some sort of anal prostate massage during sex?
I don't think you really answered Liandra's Q...

I didn't mean to avoid the question. I think I just got caught up answering something else.

No I've never tried any sort of anal prostate massage, either during sex or any other time. It's never something I've thought of, and not something I'm sure I would be comfortable asking for. Not for any major issues other than the embarrassment factor of having someone's finger up my arse!

Possibly hypocritical on my part seeing as I've done ot to girls I've slept with before......

However, the whole thing is a bit of a non-issue at the moment. I haven't had sex for about 4 months now since I split up with "The American", and there's absolutely nothing on the horizon.

aven frey · 13-06-06 06:25:22

Hey Tee Bee welcome to the forums and thanks for posting!!! It does but suck that the male prostate doesn't get much of a mention when it comes to hetro sex but here we like to talk about all the stuff that doesn't get much of a mention else where!

HiFlyer601 · 18-06-06 20:26:25

Oh Tee_Bee! I so enjoyed your comment about it "getting worse as the evening progresses. "

At the exhalted age some of us have attained, there is no "later in the evening".

<I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good as I ever was, once!"

HF

Warmtouch · 19-06-06 00:08:44

Actually, I believe men who don't have orgasms are at an increased risk of prostate and testicular cancer. Can't cite any sources, but I think you're generally better off if you keep their secretions flowing out of there.

As for the problem, it certainly happened to me my first time, and on a couple of later occasions when I was with unfamiliar ladies -- I put it down to nerves. The mental/physical connection to erection and orgasm is a strange and subtle one. Or to put in more bluntly in the words of a woman I know, "Willies have a mind of their own."

Burlesque · 19-06-06 00:15:36

Blunt, perhaps, but the lady in question at least sounds understanding.

The first time I had sex I worried that I might not get an erection or that I would come to quickly, but as it turned out I didn't come at all: nerves, as you say - I was too tense. I had that problem for a while, but in my case it passed.

Burlesque.

Siobhan · 19-06-06 00:58:55

Will, I have had your experience -- or, to be more clear, I am a woman who has had a male partner who could not come outside of masturbation.

It wasn't an issue for me, because it wasn't important to him. He is the first man, incidentally, that I had sex with, and he had a gorgeous penis and a glorious soccer-playing body (he's probably watching the World Cup right now, come to think of it) and I remember wanting to see him come once and he masturbated for me, but even that was hard for him.

He married the woman he dated after me; I had forgotten about this thing of his, but I recall that two or three years into their relationship, I was in a room with her (can not IMAGINE where this was, how I would have been privy to this) we were at some kind of lecture and she asked the lecturer what one should do with a partner who can't come through intercourse - she seemed to see it as a problem (well, duh, I guess it was, since they probably wanted kids, but there are ways, anyway).

Bottom line_ it never mattered to me, and I don't think it mattered to him. We had a very fulfilling, energetic, and creative erotic life, while it lasted.

I just thought about them the other day. Turns out she is now [insert famous person here]'s editor on all his films. When we were in school, I had no idea she was even interested in film; fairly amazing.

Burlesque · 27-06-06 19:23:28

I can only think of two famous directors who have used the same, female editor for a prolonged period of time. How very, very, very interesting ...

Burlesque.

#1 06-04-06 13:30:45

No orgasm....

#2 07-04-06 02:33:35

Re: No orgasm....

#3 07-04-06 05:31:58

Re: No orgasm....

#4 07-04-06 11:04:07

Re: No orgasm....

#5 08-04-06 04:31:31

Re: No orgasm....

#6 08-04-06 07:29:07

Re: No orgasm....

#7 08-04-06 10:40:29

Re: No orgasm....

#8 08-04-06 16:13:48

Re: No orgasm....

#9 08-04-06 21:41:47

Re: No orgasm....

#10 09-04-06 11:50:44

Re: No orgasm....

#11 09-04-06 12:00:08

Re: No orgasm....

#12 10-04-06 07:34:19

Re: No orgasm....

#13 10-04-06 13:44:54

Re: No orgasm....

#14 10-04-06 20:13:54

Re: No orgasm....

#15 12-04-06 15:34:57

Re: No orgasm....

#16 12-04-06 17:32:08

Re: No orgasm....

#17 12-06-06 03:00:04

Re: No orgasm....

#18 12-06-06 14:59:41

Re: No orgasm....

#19 13-06-06 06:25:22

Re: No orgasm....

#20 18-06-06 20:26:25

Re: No orgasm....

#21 19-06-06 00:08:44

Re: No orgasm....

#22 19-06-06 00:15:36

Re: No orgasm....

#23 19-06-06 00:58:55

Re: No orgasm....

#24 27-06-06 19:23:28

Re: No orgasm....

Board footer