Change in attraction

Adagio · 24-09-06 02:24:09

I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday about being physically attracted to other women. One of the things that came up was how we may not be intially attracted to someone but then as we get to know them they become more and more physically attractive and beautiful. Of course, they haven’t changed physically (unless they did botox or something). My friend then made what I think is an overgeneralization. She said, “that’s where men are different”. Meaning that this may not be as easy (?) for men to experience this change in attraction. What do y’all think? I’m sure there’s a continuum on this as there is with everything. With that said, what has your individual experience been?

ashmedi · 24-09-06 02:51:57

I think your friend is wrong based on my personal feelings.

I have known (not in the biblical sense) girls who
were incredibly attractive, and after talking to them,
all attraction ceased because of what they really
were as far as I was concerned.

And I have known girls who were plain janes or worse,
and after talking to them and getting a smile which
changed their appearance, these girls became extremely
desirable and I found myself dreaming about them.

So I think you are right, perceptions can change.

Journeyfan · 24-09-06 03:22:12

Interesting question Adagio

I certainly can't speak for all men, however my experience is exactly the same as Ashmedi's.

IMHO, quite often "beauty" really is only skin deep where the person does not have an "attractive" personality and yet someone I might perceive "visually" as plain, but who does have an "attractive" personality, often becomes much more physically attractive as a result. (I hope that makes sense )

JF

Last edited by Journeyfan (24-09-06 03:40:31)

Adagio · 24-09-06 04:16:05

Thanks Ashmedi and JF. Perhaps part of the influence on my friend's opinion is that, unfortuantely, many of the men she currently works with are fairly shallow (she would say that). It's so easy to make generalizations based on our limited experience. I know I struggle with that.

The_Elfman · 24-09-06 22:54:21

I'm sorry Adagio but I missed this thread earlier and have only just come across it.

I wasn't sexualy attracted to my last partner at all when I first met her. It was only after I got a chance to get to know her and discovered what a wonderful woman she was that I became attracted. This is certainly not the first time that had happened to me. I have also found the reverse to be true. Some women I have found attractive on meeting them but ceased to be so once I got to know them.

Elfman

padraic · 03-10-06 08:53:49

Attraction is something of a mystery. One of my former psychology instructors once hypothesised that each of us has an 'attraction template', i.e., a grouping of characteristics both emotional and physical that we tend to seek in a partner. We may meet someone who fulfills one criterion, e.g. appearance, but on further acquaintance we may discover that the rest of what we're seeking is simply lacking in this particular person. Likewise, we may find ourselves with a person who at first glance seems to have few of the (say, physical) traits that normally attract us, but she or he may embody almost perfectly what we want in a partner in other ways, such as intellectually and emotionally. Then, perhaps, we 'adjust' our template accordingly, and begin to see that this person is, *overall* if not in every detail, just what we've been looking for. The attraction template hypothesis also helped my younger self to understand that when I'm not someone's cup of tea, or they mine, there is nothing 'wrong' with either one of us. Our notions of attractiveness just don't happen to mesh with one another's. But there are numerous other people out there who *will* not only fit our template --- we will also fit theirs.

Cassidy · 03-10-06 21:28:13

I've had both types of attraction, the instantaneous kind and the kind that requires a 'shift' as padraic described. For me, it seems that the quicker I become attracted to someone, the easier it is to become un-attracted to them. Whereas, when the attraction takes time to develop, it tends to be more permanent. But that's just me Anyone else care to weigh in on that?

padraic · 04-10-06 07:18:56

Cassidy wrote:

Whereas, when the attraction takes time to develop, it tends to be more permanent. But that's just me Anyone else care to weigh in on that?

Hi. That's been my experience as well. Maybe it's because what we first encounter about a person is usually their physical appearance or demeanor --- an instant impression of beauty that can be quickly displaced or become irrelevant if we soon find that the person's values or personality are not appealing to us. Whereas what takes time to develop in a relationship is the gradual unfolding of a person's true self --- and we may like them more and more the better we get to know them. I know this is true with my wife. I didn't find her overwhelmingly attractive when I first met her. But now, after many years together, I will look at her face while she's sleeping and swear I've never seen a more beautiful woman.

Dynamo · 05-10-06 12:38:42

When I first started on my job as a teenager many many moons ago, one of the older guys said to me "'ave ya got a girlfriend lad?" I replied that I hadn't. He said "Ugly un's are 't' best. They try 'arder."

Cheers. Dynamo.

blissed · 05-10-06 13:39:33

Looks will attract your eye and meeting someone can pull in your heart, and thats it really, I think I've solved that little problem for everybody I don't know why I'm so wise, it's just a talent I have for getting right to point and sorting the problem quickly If you have any problems that have been bothering you for years, just email me, I could probly sort them with a few wise words in just a few seconds.

.

Last edited by blissed (05-10-06 13:40:01)

Dynamo · 05-10-06 13:53:07

Many times when I'm out on the razz with the lads, I'll find them all oggling at the best looking lasses in the pubs and clubs, whereas I'll be looking around at lasses who many would regard as ordinary or certain other terms that aren't very nice. I like to look deeper though. I look at the way a woman holds herself, the way she presents herself, and most of all, a smile. I've talked to many lasses who you could easily regard as raving beauties, only to find they had the personality of a slug. Many ordinary lasses though have a great temperament, a good sense of humour (something every lass who goes with me needs) and great personality.

At the end of the day, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Cheers. Dynamo.

blissed · 05-10-06 14:48:37

Dynamo wrote:

At the end of the day, beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Ha ha

#1 24-09-06 02:24:09

Change in attraction

#2 24-09-06 02:51:57

Re: Change in attraction

#3 24-09-06 03:22:12

Re: Change in attraction

#4 24-09-06 04:16:05

Re: Change in attraction

#5 24-09-06 22:54:21

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#6 03-10-06 08:53:49

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#7 03-10-06 21:28:13

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#8 04-10-06 07:18:56

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#9 05-10-06 12:38:42

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#10 05-10-06 13:39:33

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#11 05-10-06 13:53:07

Re: Change in attraction

#12 05-10-06 14:48:37

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