What is the most valuble lesson you've learned in life?

msnevil · 25-09-06 07:57:52

Excluding religion, I would say toleration of other viewpoints. A lesson I learned at a local liberal collage.

Last edited by msnevil (25-09-06 08:15:25)

Siobhan · 25-09-06 10:18:51

Hmm. That's an excellent one, though given how intolerance over others' religion has been the basis for much war and bloodshed, I would include it as well. But for me, it would be this: for some reason, a lot of people close to me have died or been killed in all kinds of ways. I am grateful , in a way, that the first person I knew to die was when i was pretty young -- he was my grandfather and he was only in his early 50's; i remember everyone pretty much hated him, he was brutal, had a nasty mouth, and was openly racist and other nice things. But i had learned some things about him and spent a kind of time with him that i had come to love him. when he died, it really tore at me that i'd never told him that i loved him. i never said much at all to him or to anyone about HOW i felt about them -- i played my emotional cards very close to my chest.
so i swore after that that every person who touched me in some way would know almost immediately. and certainly everyone i loved would know it immediately. So that IF somethign happened to them, they would not die not knowing that they'd touched me. not that i think it really matters to people what *I* think about them, but simply that that energy in the world -- their specialness -- would have been acknowledged by someone and not lost.

In that instant, really, my personality changed from someone who was reserved and distant to someone who was really out there with her enthusiasms. Some people are bothered by it, (and it's made tons of people think i wanted to get into their pants because they only have one "channel" for reading enthusiasm). But for the most part, I've never looked back because I ALWAYS now feel that I said what needed to be said, nothing held back, and it's more peaceful that way.

Excellent question, msnevil. thanks for starting this.

Lia · 25-09-06 10:35:48

In a rather tight and atypically coherent nutshell: Infinite open-mindedness, and the inability to take anything too seriously.

Taking the piss, scope for parody, and pure irony (the sort that is steeped in cynicism, black humour and a little morbidity, but isn't masturbatorily cynical in that poxy, pretentious, postmodern sort of way), I believe, are core and somewhat overrated ways of being able to relate to and interplay with society and other people's behaviour in a manner that's both self-deprecating and self-aware, which have been rather usurped by a lot of high-minded sanctifying dreck which is often referred to as 'morality', and all the stigmas and dogmas and repressions that some of even the most egalitarian people throw around in the face of threat or fear.

The_Elfman · 25-09-06 11:28:34

Don't allow others to define or limit you. You are a thing unique to yourself, not something to be classified or stereotyped. Only you have the right to decide your capabilities and limitations. There is no shame in failure.

Elfman

ashmedi · 25-09-06 14:28:51

Hindsight is the best teacher

The_Elfman · 25-09-06 14:38:56

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

blissed · 25-09-06 15:03:31

I think we need a pic of some Mormon sacred underwear here.
If we can all laugh at each other without getting upset and that peoples differences are interesting, not a source of conflict. Life is soooo much better!!!

I draw the line of course with my own beliefs. You bring shame on my religion, and I'll punch your lights out

Lia · 25-09-06 16:11:38

Oh, my. That... codpiece... thing... is utterly petrifying. I'm not even going to look at the camel-toe. Nononono.

Last edited by Lia (25-09-06 16:12:42)

Burlesque · 25-09-06 19:34:51

ashmedi wrote:

Hindsight is the best teacher

Right on, Mr. Ashmedi!

To this I would like to add that history - the world's and one's own - is an incredibly worthy subject of study. The old saying "Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it" may go in one ear and out the other, having been worn thin by overuse, but if one stops to think about it, it's really one of the wisest sayings in, erm, history (no, I don't know who said it. Could it have been Churchill? Just guessing blindly here). Through consciously trying to remember past mistakes I've made, I have often avoided making the same ones again, or, when I have made the same ones again, managed to suffer less from them by remembering that I got through last time, didn't I?

Oh, and that other thing that one or two of you may be wondering about: a month ago I was in the very darkest phase of a long, ever-worsening depression in which nothing seemed worthwhile. No, not even IFM ! Behind my smile there was a broken heart, however anatomically implausible that may be, and I thought I should leave the site while I could still do so with some semblance of dignity. Things have happened and wrongs have been righted and yada yada yada, blah blah blah. I'm back, so go ahead and poke fun at me and shake your heads at me, but if you choose to email me death threats, please make sure to spell my name correctly - I do so resent being terrorised by people who aren't polite . (Not that I have ever been threatened by anyone from this site, but wouldn't it be kind of thrilling if I were?)

Thanks for all the kind words, by the way, and thanks also to Richard. I have uncovered his secret identity: he is that old superhero The Flash. He must be, because when I asked for help with some technical difficulties last night, he solved the problem about one second after I sent the email. Now that's impressive!

Look at that. Verbose as ever.

Burlesque.

Last edited by Burlesque (25-09-06 22:07:25)

Adagio · 25-09-06 19:41:18

yyyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You're back!! yee-ha! I'm so happy

I'm even happier to hear that you are doing better. We've missed you.

Adagio

ashmedi · 25-09-06 22:18:42

Welcome home Burlesque.

'Tis a surprise to see you again

Siobhan · 25-09-06 22:35:21

and a most excellent one, at that.

Glad you're here, B. No one was buying my story about you running guns to Guadeloupe, anyway. . . .

Burlesque · 25-09-06 22:42:01

I'll back you up every step of the way, Siobhan. It's just that I, er, ran out of guns to run. Guadeloupe is lovely this time of year, by the way, if a bit violent in the shade.

Burlesque.

Bishop of Bath & Wells · 25-09-06 23:08:27

Burlesque! Welcome back!!!!!!

Most valuable lesson I have learnt : never take yourself too seriously, and always be prepared to laugh at your own expense once in a while.

Bish

gala · 26-09-06 00:30:11

best lesson: it's just the drugs.

second best lesson: don't wash the cast iron pans with soap. in fact, don't wash them much at all.

gala · 26-09-06 00:32:11

oh, and accept others or whatever.

Journeyfan · 26-09-06 00:59:49

Burlesque wrote:

The old saying "Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it" may go in one ear and out the other, having been worn thin by overuse, but if one stops to think about it, it's really one of the wisest sayings in, erm, history (no, I don't know who said it. Could it have been Churchill? Just guessing blindly here).

"Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it"

- Georges Santayana (Spanish born, American poet, philosopher and novelist - 1863-1952) .... but I'd have guessed at Churchill also - before looking it up

Hello Burlesque,

Unfortunately, I did not have the pleasure of making your acquaintance prior to your recent sabbatical. However, your reputation does precede you (plus I had lurked for several months previously and was saddened when I read that you were leaving) - I am aware how much your "prodigious" input has been missed

Whether the above in any way qualifies me to welcome you back, I don't know - but "welcome back" anyway and it is good to read that you are feeling much better

JF

Last edited by Journeyfan (26-09-06 01:58:14)

The_Elfman · 26-09-06 01:16:53

Welcome back Burlesque. We have missed you so much. Please stick around this time.

Elfman

Burlesque · 26-09-06 04:50:30

Georges Santayana it is, then! Thanks, Journeyfan, I was hoping someone would know.Thanks also for the welcome back, and for telling me that my reputation precedes me; it must obviously have been sneaking out nights again, so I'll have to give it a scolding. Teenagers. What can you do?

You are all so sweet to me that I'm getting all *sniff* paranoid.

Burlesque.

Last edited by Burlesque (26-09-06 04:51:45)

nihpuad · 26-09-06 07:32:42

Most Important Lesson Learned: Don't waste energy worrying about things you can't control, and don't borrow troubles from the future (sounds like two lessons, but it's really two lobes of the same learning). I knew this all along, but I didn't really learn it 'til my (then 10 year old) daughter was diagnosed with brain cancer. She's fine now -- we just celebrated 5 cancer-free years post-diagnosis -- but my family's journey really taught me how much worry is nothing more than spiritual tire-smoke, and how crucial it is to save your bullets for the things you can affect (have I mixed enough metaphors yet?). I've probably worn this Jewel quote out by now, but it's become a sort of mantra for me: "I won't be made useless/Won't be idled with despair."

Second Most Important Lesson: For G*d's sake avert your eyes from that Mormon underwear!!!!

PS: Let me add mine to the pile of "welcome back"s accumulating at Burlesque's vaudevillian feet.

aven frey · 27-09-06 01:27:10

When I was a kid I remember saying something flippant and thoughtless about another kid in my class in the presence of my mum. She fully ripped me to threads and that was when I learnt that I should never judge another person or presume to know how and what they think. She always tried to understand where other people were coming from even if she didn't agree with them and I reckon thats a good lesson. Thanks mum!!!

Burlesque · 27-09-06 04:28:00

Dauphinb2, you are becoming ever more prolific and enjoyable, and this forum is all the richer for it!

Burlesque.

Kate · 27-09-06 04:53:05

One of them:

To learn your family story, and know who you belong to.

The one I'm learning right this very second is to love and approve of myself.

aven frey · 27-09-06 05:03:18

Hello Kate and welcome to the forum xoxoxo

Adagio · 27-09-06 05:12:33

Kate wrote:

The one I'm learning right this very second is to love and approve of myself.

Kate, welcome to the forum!

Sounds like we're in the midst of learning the same lesson. Not an easy one for me.

#1 25-09-06 07:57:52

What is the most valuble lesson you've learned in life?

#2 25-09-06 10:18:51

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