tantra for cool kids

gala · 10-12-08 07:40:02

A pal of mine is currently reading Barbara Carrellas' book Urban Tantra, which appears to be an exploration of tantric practices for those who have been alienated from it by the general new-ageiness with which it is presently associated. As someone who has pretty much never met a tantra enthusiast I didn't hate, I was a little bit skeptical of this book purchase, particularly because I sleep with him and quite enjoy his sexuality as it stands. I think tantra tends to worry me because it becomes quite a dogmatic discourse and practice, and tantra folks tend to carry around their 'enlightenment' in a very superior sort of way - 'this is the way sex is meant to be had and if you're not having it this way you're neglecting your cosmic sexual capacity', etc. My attitude has always been that it's one way to fuck, but it's not the only way, and I'd actually like to fuck in all the ways if I can manage it.

As it turns out the book seems to be doing something quite powerful and palpable for his sexual self. Well, I suppose it's really the things in the book and his interpretations of them that's making the difference. But it's quite impressive. And almost a little intimidating - now I'm starting to feel like I might be missing out on something and maybe I need to get my hands on a copy so I can keep up. Has anyone else come across this book or anything similar, or maybe has some thoughts on that whole tantra-alienation thing? What turns you on or off about the concept?

Here's some background on the book and the author, who has a long history of amazingness in the world of sex: http://www.urbantantra.org/

NB: in the last video on this page, Carrellas talks about the problems with the gender binary as traditionally presented in tantra, which has always been one of the things I resented about it most. She's a smart one, that lady. http://www.urbantantra.org/Media.htm

Last edited by gala (10-12-08 07:49:23)

blissed · 10-12-08 20:42:07

I'm not commenting on any tantric sex wars :) except to say that some people get a bit up themselves when they've found something that they think makes them a bit special, bless em :)

I love the positive sentiment Barbara expresses on her site and it's the 1st time I've heard of the term gender binary, I like it, it acknowledges theres very often a complexity to gender within each of us that isn't often apparent from appearances.

What I find interesting about sex is, I can control what turns me on about as much as the food I fancy eating at any particular moment. I can change my diet to something healthier or just different but sometimes it takes me a little while before I get use to the new combination of foods, until I'm comfortable and then long for it when I'm hungry, I think when I consciously want to change my sexual desires they go through a similar process while I'm forced to convince my subconscious that my new decisions are good for me. For both food and sex it's a nice process though.

My platonic spellchecker wants to change tantric to tantrum :)

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momentextase · 12-12-08 07:40:53

gala wrote:

.... Has anyone else come across this book or anything similar, or maybe has some thoughts on that whole tantra-alienation thing? What turns you on or off about the concept?...

Well, a lot of the "tantra" terminology, and especially dogmatic insistance on always using this terminology... can be quite off-putting. Also anything can become dogmatic and elitist, especially anything that qualifies itself as a sexual "lifestyle." This applies to BDSM, Swinging, Polyamory, GLBT and a lot of New Ageish woo-woo... as well as Tantra. Talk to some "old school" BDSM'ers to see what I mean... lol! Yeah, the old "You have to do it this way" stuff is always alienating.

My own introduction to tantra was very indirect. Because of a series of losses, physical disasters and other stressful setbacks that doctors wanted to "drug" away... I resorted to trying more holestic things to try to overcome these problems...sans the drugs which were causing more problems than they were solving. Exercise, diet, massage... and then breathwork, dance, ROLF-ing (a very deep form of massage)...and beyond.

One LMT (Licensed massage therapist) in particular had a profound impact on me. She was a natural healer, did Reiki also, and was the most effective therapist I ever met, I went to her for massage weekly for over a year. Then one day our client/professional connection ended due to her relocation. Then, freed from the very necessary and practical ethics (as seen as a power dynamic) of a client/therapist sort of relationship -she called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to come visit and go skating -eventually we ended up dating... and falling in love.

This was in my mid 40's, she was in her mid 30's. Through her, I was introduced to hatha yoga... then kundalini yoga... and then tantra. Also group sex (well, did that in college too, but that was different ...another topic though.) She talked me into tagging along to all sorts of bodywork related seminars, some tantra ones too. So my exposure to tantra evolved organically.

Neither of us was prone to any slavish devotion to any "Model" (and that is what Tantra and neo-tantra are... models of reality, not reality itself) ... so too much "yoni" and "lingham" type talk was 'roll eyes' time for us. It WAS apparent that some people got wrapped up in all that stuff, dressed in wierd Greek robes...which was annoying...but we saw that as a "Look! See what we found!! This is it!" sort of thing... like EST converts or Scientologists.

However... even the little bit of tantric practice parsed from Eastern Buddist, Taoist and Hindu teachings -and repackaged as "tantra" here in the west... is very powerful in a culture like ours that is basically sex-negative and sex-exploitive.

In more ancient times, sexuality was not as "compartmentalized" as it is in our culture. Also, with languages that were less "denotative" than english, ways of thinking about the world and ourselves were/are very different. The Hopi Indians in the modern USA are an example.

Then, there is the monism-dualist schism. The mind/body split. Descartes vs Spinoza. Is it "I think therefore I am? Or is it "I am therefore I think?" The parting out and compartmentalising... of ourselves from our inner world, and the system of which we are a part -however you want to think of "system"...relational, spiritual, cosmic/astrophysical or astro-Universal, scientific -or even religious.

OK, my current ever evolving "model" of tantra (as that word is used in the west) is in short: -Sex is an energy, tantra is a series of techniques, diciplines and meditations that enable one to go to more and more intense and expansive levels of that energy. I fuck therefore I am, and I am therefore I fuck. Both things hold. Also, I feel that dissociation of mind from body and not being "in body" is what l feel leads to real dysfunction and even disease. Not to mention bad sex, sex crimes and physical abuse, loss of empathy...etc. YMMV

Barbara Carrellas does a great job of cutting through a lot of the "eye rolling" and alienating stuff that other authors like Margo Anand was not as good at. I think one of Carrellas biggest contributions is her humor...and making a BIG point that male-female energies exist in all people, no matter what their gender... "gender binaries" are really a construct... BTW an insistance on hetro was never really a part of tantra anyway unless you want to get real literal reading the original sutras, -as a fundamentalist would literally read the bible. Also a lot of modern western writing about tantra is "aimed" at traditional monogamous male-female couples, like so many married couples "self-help" stuff is. Her insights on group sex are interesting....!!!

One more thing, some really powerful things like some of the chakra work (like chica was describing once -Moola Bandha) has a terminology all its own-because our culture does not have any words at all for these phenom, and our culture has has never been sexually or mentally free enough to explore some of these areas, this culture encourages being "out of body," out of breath and being numb.

A good non alienating book, that is GLBT positive is "Psychic Massage" by Roberta DeLong Miller. Does not even mention tantra at all! But tantric it is... it presents a lot of the "basics" for a beginner to explore -the beginnings of what tantra is based on. It is about how working with body through breath and touch... you are naturally working with shifting and moving energy in body, and that that energy goes both ways. A lot in the book you can do without a partner...

Last edited by momentextase (12-12-08 07:46:26)

#1 10-12-08 07:40:02

tantra for cool kids

#2 10-12-08 20:42:07

Re: tantra for cool kids

#3 12-12-08 07:40:53

Re: tantra for cool kids

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