#1 29-08-08 11:54:22

jimkat

Member

Registered: 24-08-08

Posts: 1

For Help with Partner

Hi,

Just new to the site and noticed the post by LLLickit.  I thought I'd post as a new topic so that my answer wouldn't get lost (as the original post was a while ago).

My partner and I are in a very similar situation (at least for the big things)- married for 11 year, two children etc.

We are going through something similar at the moment, but there has been some improvement.  To give you an idea of where we were, it was about nearly two years after the birth of our second child before we made love again.

At one point I was looking on the web and came across an adult store in Melbourne called Bliss for Women.  They had a number of books and one of them caught my eye.  It was a book titled "Perfectly Normal: a girls guide to living with low libido".  I read the blurb about it and placed an order.  Both my wife and I read it. It was extremely eye opening.  The biggest thing to come from it was how much I was contributing to the problem.  Not intentionally, but contributing nonetheless.  The author is a sex therapist who deals with a lot of couples where one partner (usually the woman) has a low sex drive.  She is asked to fix them.  Her view is that there is nothing wrong.  Obviously, there are times when we all go through changes in our sex drive, some peoples just last a lot longer.  She talks about a downward spiral of a womans sex drive that can happen in loving relationships (constant request lead to avoidance of contact etc.)  There is a lot in this book and I am not really doing it justice here.

What I will say is that our sex life now is different, but we do have one.  It is not necessarily intercourse based (masturbation with help, if you will).  Also, we are not trying to have a "movie type sex life".  Whatever, works for that time and that person is what happens.  There has been a reduction on the pressure on our sex life, and as a result an increase in her interest over time.  But again sometimes are better than others.  We are madly in love and are defining our sex life by our rules not other peoples.  Joining this site is in many ways a result of that.

I hope some of this helps.

As this is my first post - I am sorry if there is anything wrong about it.

blissed

Member

From: The bus station of the future

Registered: 17-03-06

Posts: 5,622

Re: For Help with Partner

Oh definitely not jimkat, thanks for your post and welcome to the forum.

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