Proud

blissed · 26-05-07 00:57:56

Chloe not long ago told her folks she apears on erotic web sites but I think most people don't. We've discussed this difference before but wouldn't it be nice if when you contribute to a range of sites, you could be as proud of that as you would be if you were a beauty queen. Any suggestions on what the road map is from where we are now to that actually happening.

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padraic · 26-05-07 07:55:54

That's a really good question, blissed. I think it's hard for most people to discuss anything sexual with their families, and often with certain friends as well. If a model is aware that her family are conservative, reticent, or even likely to be rejecting if they found out (that would be sad), I wouldn't blame her at all for being hesitant.

And yet I'm sure most of us feel that appearing on a truly sex-positive site like IFM is something to be proud of. The world as a whole hasn't caught up with IFM, however, as we all know. Society tends to think of any kind of erotica as sleazy and automatically exploitive. Maybe one idea could be to 'talk up' IFM and like sites when someone lumps all pornography as something ugly and creepy. Basically, we could try to gently point out that the erotic is a natural part of life, it can be beautiful, and it can also be depicted beautifully and honestly in word and on film. How do we know? Because we've seen sites like ISM and IFM, where the contributors are in control, exploring their erotic selves, showing themselves as they'd like to be seen, and feeling proud to be affirmed as beautiful and erotic beings.

gala · 28-05-07 02:04:27

I hadn't shared my naked online life with my family before I took my job at Feck, but I had told quite a few of my friends. Most of them were pretty supportive, though a few responses had undertones of 'you're being young and impulsive' or 'this upsets my feminist politics'. My closest friends, though, were really encouraging, because they understood why I was doing it and were there to see me contemplate the pros and cons of the whole thing. I also had a partner at the time, and he was really awesome about it - he had always recognised my autonomy with my own body and sexuality and thought it was cool that I was putting out images of a body I wasn't necessarily always confident about.

When I decided to leave my degree, my partner, my lease, and my cute green bookshelf to take this job, though, I kinda had no choice but to explain it to people. I told my dad as soon as I made that decision, and while he was a bit concerned for my safety, he was so fucking cool and I was the proud one - proud that my dad thought enough of me to trust my decisions and that he had an open mind in listening to my reasonings and why this is what I want to do with my life at the moment. It was a great conversation - he wanted to talk about porn and sex and his Catholic guilt and how he and his new ladyfriend are working out their sexual guilt together, etc. It's amazing what people will tell you and talk about when you tell them you make porn. Most of the other responses I got were similar - old teachers, friends, folks at home - support and encouragement and 'can you get me free porn?' The only person who doesn't know is my mom. She knows I moved to Australia to take a job and I talk to her once in awhile, but I'm really vague about the job itself - I don't lie, but I don't offer any more information than I have to. Eventually I will probably tell her, but I try not to give her too much to stress about because of her health, and me moving continents again was probably enough for one go. I don't think she would understand, but maybe I'm underestimating her. Oh, and my little brothers don't know the exact nature of the 'photography and web design' I'm doing, but I suspect word will get round eventually. The rumour mill in my hometown is still pretty active.

I do think that, for some folks, sharing their naked work on the web with everyone they know becomes a liability, and I think each contributor just kinda has to weigh their issues for themselves. For some of them I think having this completely separate online persona - even if it's just one ISM folio's worth - is part of the thrill of this work, and it's fun to have dirty little secrets. I also know some women who don't want to do this work forever and therefore don't want to be known for it in other fields, or who feel that connecting their naked online identity with their 'real life' identity is a risk to their safety, so there are loads of reasons for not being 'out' and it's really just a personal choice. I used to not understand that and just took my ability to be relatively 'out' for granted, but I'm starting to realise that it's important to respect the boundaries people in this sort of work set about who they talk to and just how much.

I wouldn't be proud to be a beauty queen, unless it was Miss Demented Teen Reject 2007, but I am pretty proud of what I do. And since there's more and more of me on the web all the time, it's not too hard to find me if you know where to look, and that's fine with me.

kirejos · 28-05-07 05:30:27

gala, thanks for being here

padraic · 28-05-07 08:06:23

gala wrote:

I told my dad as soon as I made that decision, and while he was a bit concerned for my safety, he was so fucking cool and I was the proud one - proud that my dad thought enough of me to trust my decisions and that he had an open mind in listening to my reasonings and why this is what I want to do with my life at the moment. It was a great conversation - he wanted to talk about porn and sex and his Catholic guilt and how he and his new ladyfriend are working out their sexual guilt together, etc.
I do think that, for some folks, sharing their naked work on the web with everyone they know becomes a liability, and I think each contributor just kinda has to weigh their issues for themselves.

Thank you Gala for what I think is a wise and thoughtful response to this issue. And cheers to your dad for being so cool. Catholic guilt is a killer. (I was terrified as a kid when I found out that according to the Catholic Church I would be tortured in hell for all eternity not only for daring to masturbate, but even for having a sexual fantasy. I totally believed this until I was 18. Talk about moral terrorism!). Overcoming my own upbringing is part of the reason I joined IFM: I was incredibly impressed that all of these nice, likable people could be so open about their sexuality.

I think that you caught the essence of the issue as a matter of personal choice and good judgement. Peope have to be judicious and sensible when they choose with whom to share anything potentially sensitive about themselves. The timing might matter, too, as you observed.

Given some potential drawbacks, I sometimes wonder about what has motivated contributors to participate in IFM or ISM. Of course there are as many answers as there are contributors, and motivations can be multifacted and complex. Can contributing be a statement of self-affirmation? Of political principles or personal ideals? Could it be personally liberating to know that hundreds of viewers not only approve of one's sexuality but take real delight in it? (That's so different from how some of us were raised!) Isn't it nice just to be found interesting and attractive? I hope that a few more contributors will choose to share with us something of what drew them to IFM, and how they perceive their experiences.

aven frey · 29-05-07 08:47:42

I've told pretty much everyone about IFM, ISM and BA that I care about and see often except my grandparents. I'm really lucky to have a very open minded family who pretty much break with every conservative tradition themselves anyway. I know what you mean Gala when you say you were proud of your dad, it's only as I get older I realise how great my parents are.

#1 26-05-07 00:57:56

Proud

#2 26-05-07 07:55:54

Re: Proud

#3 28-05-07 02:04:27

Re: Proud

#4 28-05-07 05:30:27

Re: Proud

#5 28-05-07 08:06:23

Re: Proud

#6 29-05-07 08:47:42

Re: Proud

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