sex ed: how did you learn about birds and bees?

viva · 26-06-20 05:44:54

I have a series of formative memories about it. First there was my mom, who rented a VHS of "our bodies, ourselves" or something like that, and showed it to me and my girlfriend - we must have been around 6 years old. I remember it caused a drama with my friends parents, but precious little else.

Then I remember a literal conversation with my clueless dad where he tried to use birds and bees as a metaphor. it was hilarious and excruciating.

Later, there was sex ed in school and that was super weird and technical. I remember our teacher, Tiffany, a tall basket-ball playing looking woman, telling us she didn't get her period til she was 18. That really stood out for some reason.

Basically I think I learned about sex from Stephen King novels.

I've heard that Australians got their sex-ed from a puppet giraffe living in a van, called Healthy Harold. Which would explain a lot, actually.

What about you guys?

Last edited by viva (26-06-20 05:48:52)

troyforyou · 26-06-20 08:44:42

Last year, BBC had a show where they showed sex-ed films from the ages and across the world. They had parents and kids watch them and comment.

One show had a nude teen girl and box. The female presenter lifted up the boy's penis as if to say, Note the penis. Very cringy.

Anna Richardson hosted five series of the Sex Education Show which I thought were very good. Nowadays, she presents Naked Attraction.

Viva--forgive me for hijacking your thread yet again.

privignus · 26-06-20 17:51:26

Oh, crikey! I don't remember, and its hard because I got interested in girls later than many of my friends, because my friend circle was pretty dateless until I was 30 so I could not learn from them, and because I grew up in a culture of not talking about sex. And I had issues growing up as I got interested in girls because I don't like change and I had trouble figuring out the rules around expressing sexual or romantic interest in someone.

I checked Scarleteen and Encyclopedia Britannica at some point! But I also think that the kind of people who run sex and relationship blogs are not helpful to me, partially because they come from other countries with other cultures, and partially beacuse they tend to be more sexual and more in to relationship drama than I am? I basically need to find a way to start meeting more single ladies and someone I trust to make me take the risk of inviting them out, and blogs about how to manage your metamour's STI scare are a little above my level.

When you are still learning how to connect with one person at a time in your 30s, the kind of issues which get three paragraphs in a Dan Savage column are like "if you had ten million, how would you invest for retirement?" or "if the cat had a bell, how could we avoid him"?

Last edited by privignus (26-06-20 18:06:34)

viva · 29-06-20 02:32:47

Troy you're not hijacking! The whole point is to hear from you all!

rushaus · 29-06-20 14:45:58

Ahhh Harold. Don't remember much about him and the Life Ed Van though, just basic anatomy and the dangers of smoking.

My proper learning about sex ed was through a book called "Where Did I Come From", explaining conception, physical intimacy between adults, fetus development etc in simple language with drawings. Mum handed it to me when I actually asked that question, apparently. Early primary school age.

Further education involved another book called "What's Happening To Me?" just before I started Year 7. That one was all about puberty and such.

viva · 30-06-20 01:30:06

What do you guys think the best way to educate about sex is?

I used to fantasise about having my virginity taken by like... a kind of instructor figure. I kind of still think thats the way to go, but it sounds pretty illegal at this point.

_redbird_ · 30-06-20 09:03:11

My Mum told me in quite a straight forward manner what sex was when I asked her at 4 after I saw a sex scene in a film. I was a little fuzzy on the details, so she showed me Where Did I Come From? (heeeeeey rushaus we're sex ed twins!!) and that helped immensely.

When I was 14 they taught us sex ed in high school and it was paaaaaaaaainful. My science teacher who was intensely awkward at the best of times taught us and she constantly looked terrified that we'd ask her questions, and would just refer to medical diagrams any time someone asked one (in her defense though, I went to a really rough school so about 3% of the questions were genuine). I don't know if it was a conscious decision on their part to deter us further, or if it was just the fact that our school was super poor, but we were shown an IUD from the 80's and a video from the 70's that included real footage of birth that has always stuck with me and is also one of the reasons I have an intense dislike and fear of childbirth. They listed all of the forms of contraception but very strongly emphasized all of the drawbacks for those methods. I was terrified of going on the pill at 15 because of all of the horrendous side effects I was told would happen to me, and that was almost definitely because of the dated video we saw. It wasn't until I was an adult that I properly noticed that they never really mentioned orgasms and CERTAINLY don't encourage you to give and receive pleasure. Consent was briefly touched on, but wasn't nearly talked about as much as it should have.

Both as a kid and teen, I was the self-proclaimed "sex expert" within my friendship group and would revel in the shock of even just using the word "sex". I obviously didn't know shit, but compared to my friends who had much more conservative parents and/or just didn't care to know much about sex. I was considered by others to be a massive slut because I wouldn't shy away from talking about sex, however I was also super dorky and awkward so people didn't really know what to do with that. I used to get asked (by my crush, no less) if I fucked aliens because I was a very vocal fan of The X Files.

Last edited by _redbird_ (30-06-20 09:05:37)

JAMMYMAN · 30-06-20 14:52:04

_redbird_ wrote:

I used to get asked (by my crush, no less) if I fucked aliens because I was a very vocal fan of The X Files.

Well redbird? Did you fuck aliens?

privignus · 30-06-20 15:57:23

Oh yeah! In Germany that have Aufklärungsbücher like "Make Love" by Hennig and Breber-Olsyewski.

viva wrote:

What do you guys think the best way to educate about sex is?
I used to fantasise about having my virginity taken by like... a kind of instructor figure. I kind of still think thats the way to go, but it sounds pretty illegal at this point.

I think its pretty common for guys to be taken under the wing (ok another body part) of an older woman, some of Bob Altemeyer's students had experiences like that https://www.amazon.com/Sex-and-Youth/dp/B005D2QFYA/ A friend was propositioned by a younger woman that way, the age difference was enough that he was still thinking it over when he talked about it.

I guess it depends on the student? So some people need to have it drilled into them that pregnancy and STIs are a thing, and others need to learn that the other sex are people, other people have physical or social issues they need help with to have a happy sex life.

_redbird_ · 02-07-20 07:42:36

JAMMYMAN wrote:

_redbird_ wrote:
I used to get asked (by my crush, no less) if I fucked aliens because I was a very vocal fan of The X Files.
Well redbird? Did you fuck aliens?

Not when I was being accused of it, no.

JAMMYMAN · 02-07-20 07:52:20

_redbird_ wrote:

JAMMYMAN wrote:
_redbird_ wrote:
I used to get asked (by my crush, no less) if I fucked aliens because I was a very vocal fan of The X Files.
Well redbird? Did you fuck aliens?
Not when I was being accused of it, no.

You're a sly one redbird. I love it.

rushaus · 02-07-20 10:00:35

_redbird_ wrote:

I was a little fuzzy on the details, so she showed me Where Did I Come From? (heeeeeey rushaus we're sex ed twins!!) and that helped immensely.

It was quite a well done book wasn't it, no-nonsense but lighthearted at the same time.

Monotreme · 05-07-20 02:21:40

Like Viva, I have only fragmentary memories.

I was doing a lot of exploration and I guess I got caught at it. My Dad (who, it turned out, was a well-closeted gay man) told me it was normal for boys to go through a group masturbation phase. I also remember him saying, maybe in the same conversation or maybe later, that everyone masturbates but we're not supposed to talk about it. I wonder what Dad would've made of IFM :-D

Mom just couldn't, even after my parents' divorce. If it weren't for the existence of my sister and I, I'd be tempted to think she was a virgin.

What I remember most was occupying the Golden Age of Sex Ed in the early 1970s, before the Reagan backlash shut everything down. Mrs. Mack sat with us, cross-legged, and told us 8th graders about sex in frank and thoughtful discussions. The only one I really remember is when she reassured the girls that they were "big enough" and that "one size fits all". Apparently there was some concern that they were too small to enjoy sex.

I had a treasured stash of Playboy magazines which I remember my mom and dad arguing about and dad advocated for letting me keep them even though Mom was pretty upset about it. I tried to keep my sexuality on the downlow around her all my life, even as a married man.

I now teach anatomy and my students don't get it, but I sometimes marvel out loud that when I was 9 I embarked on a years-long quest to find pictures of female anatomy and now I project them in a large room, 12 feet high, and talk about them. It's a wonderful life.

viva · 06-07-20 02:18:25

Ha! That is a hilarious realisation. I guess your students don't get it because they've never had to quest to find pictures of womens' bodies... the internet has made it pretty impossible not to see people naked.

isn't it still kind of fucked up, like with all the (admittedly crappy) sex ed we have, no one has ever really told me where exactly where female orgasms fit in in the whole scheme of things?

Orgasm86 · 06-07-20 19:10:31

Honestly, I got next to no sex ed in school, so most of my learning came entirely from the internet.

I distinctly recall one website in particular that taught me about women's sexuality. It was called The-Clitoris.com. Everything from anatomy to sexual function, body image, sexual health, and even fantasies shared by women who've visited the site. Unfortunately, it seems like the site no longer exists, but you can pull it up on the Wayback Machine: https://web.archive.org/web/20160303171 … thwQij7SUk

viva · 07-07-20 02:00:26

wow... simple and lovely site. how did it feel to read it when you were starting out learning about sex?

Orgasm86 · 08-07-20 14:29:00

Honestly, I feel like that site gave teenage me a much better sexual education than school ever would. I learned a lot about how women struggle with body image, sexual desire (as in, feeling ashamed for having sexual feelings), and how history and culture played a vital role in all of that. In fact, one day, my mother discovered the URL in our search history and scolded me for it (perhaps a byproduct of her own repression and shame), but that didn't stop me from continuing to read!

viva · 09-07-20 00:57:11

Yeah, I would think the way that site humanizes women by talking about emotional vulnerabilities gets closer to the real intimacy of sex than most purely mechanical education efforts.. or even ones that are like, about making girls squirt or come but feel mostly performative or about ticking achievement boxes.

#1 26-06-20 05:44:54

sex ed: how did you learn about birds and bees?

#2 26-06-20 08:44:42

Re: sex ed: how did you learn about birds and bees?

#3 26-06-20 17:51:26

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#4 29-06-20 02:32:47

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#5 29-06-20 14:45:58

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#6 30-06-20 01:30:06

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#7 30-06-20 09:03:11

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#8 30-06-20 14:52:04

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#9 30-06-20 15:57:23

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#10 02-07-20 07:42:36

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#11 02-07-20 07:52:20

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#12 02-07-20 10:00:35

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#13 05-07-20 02:21:40

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#14 06-07-20 02:18:25

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#15 06-07-20 19:10:31

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#16 07-07-20 02:00:26

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#17 08-07-20 14:29:00

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#18 09-07-20 00:57:11

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