Bad Dates of Melbourne

_hyperballad_ · 19-06-19 01:05:09

I somewhat obsessively keep up to date with one very, very special page on Facebook & I think the community here may also appreciate the golden moments in humanity (or inhumanity as it sometimes is!) of Bad Dates of Melbourne:

https://www.facebook.com/baddatesofmelbourne/

There is also Bad Dates of Australia, but I feel like the Melbs page is superior:

https://www.facebook.com/baddatesofaustralia/

A story from BDOM this morning made me remember a mortifying moment in time when Magnus & I first started dating - I'm thinking of sending it in to the page.

I showed up to his place with 2 shiny balls in my pussy because reasons... Anyway I proceeded to get the 2nd ball stuck in the top of my vagina, so instead of eating dinner & having sexy sex we spent a very long time trying to get this ben wah ball out of me. The whole episode culminated in me literally bouncing up & down on the toilet, naked from the waist down & the way it finally 'released' was when I relaxed my bladder & peed. I caught the elusive ball along with a handful of my own piss right in front of him. That's how he knew I was a classy gal right from the outset!

Y/N on sending this vintage tale of woe in?

smoothed · 19-06-19 04:42:01

sounds more like a fun quirky date than a bad, horror tale of romance gone awry! but send it in anyway, for shits and giggles!

viva · 20-06-19 00:37:45

omg do it!

_redbird_ · 20-06-19 08:51:52

Yes yes do please!!

viva · 21-06-19 07:19:59

If you had to submit something Redbird what would you post?

_redbird_ · 25-06-19 02:38:30

Oh man, I'll have to think about that and come back to it. I weirdly haven't been on that many dates, as I would often just hang out at home with mates and then eventually hook up with them. Heh...

viva · 25-06-19 03:00:50

lol same! until I got my heart royally broken I never went on dates, it was just friends and sex and hook-ups in rivers...

but then after all the break-ups and trying to start over in new cities I ended up on all the apps, like so many before me. I'm so glad thats over!

viva · 25-06-19 03:07:15

Wait did any of us millenials go on dates before OK cupid and then the apps? I think most of us just hooked up with each other and friends... I feel like formal dates were kind of over by the 90's until the apps I reckon.

_hyperballad_ · 28-06-19 02:55:14

I spent repeated stints on Adult Friend Finder & I definitely made dudes take me out on a date before I boned them. I think I used to say something like 'chocolate cake makes me horny'... I ate quite a lot of very nice cake!

_redbird_ · 03-07-19 09:00:09

I thought of one! It's not a bad date, just hilarious crossed wires and confusion.

About ten years ago I got to talking to a bespectacled chap with a salt and pepper beard at a friend's house party, and I thought we were vibing pretty well and then a guy who gradually became more and more irritated kept coming over while we were chatting and asking salt and pepper beard if he was ready to leave yet. S&P kept telling him things like "Yeah I'm ready to leave when you are" and eventually it ended with the agitated guy saying "I've called a cab S&P, we need to leave NOW". It seemed like this guy was particularly disgruntled and jealous of him talking to me so I thought "Okay, I've just befriended a lovely gay/bi dude with a boyfriend that I'm extremely attracted to. No biggie. We can just be pals or something." Salt and Pep then asked for my number, because in one of our conversations he mentioned that a friend of his was doing a short film about amateur porn and that she might want to interview me. I really enjoyed chatting to this nice and interesting guy so I happily gave him my number. A few days later he sent me a text asking if I wanted to meet up for a coffee to arrange a meet up with his friend about her film. I was feeling very comfortable with him and so suggested getting drinks instead.

Assuming that I'm meeting up with someone who I don't really need to "doll myself up" for, I rocked up to our date wearing a hideous yellow and black woolen jumper that I called the Rorschach test, as everyone would see the patterns on it as different things. We'd been chatting and drinking for about 2 hours and getting a bit drunk when he said how he found me attractive at the party (I was dressed as a crazy cat lady, complete with grannie glasses and a Garfield jumper btw) and he was bummed that he had to leave with his friend. My face said it all and before I spoke he said "You thought I was gay and that the guy who kept coming over was my boyfriend didn't you." He then went on to inform me that that very situation has happened more than once and that his friend isn't even gay, just extremely possessive. We proceeded to get even more trashed and were kicked out of the bar because we started making out intensely. We went back to his place and had sex that was apparently so loud that his housemates honestly thought he was being beaten up at some points and were ready to step in and sort out his "attacker".

It's still the only date I've ever been on where I was completely unaware that it WAS a date, and a memory I shall treasure forever.

smoothed · 03-07-19 09:44:52

what a wonderful memory!

maybe he and his friend have this elaborate wingman thing where they act like an ambigiously gay couple? haha

_redbird_ · 04-07-19 07:16:17

smoothed wrote:

what a wonderful memory!
maybe he and his friend have this elaborate wingman thing where they act like an ambigiously gay couple? haha

Haha nope! I ended up casually dating him for a couple months and his friend was most definitely just weirdly possessive of him. I once asked if there was any particular reason for that (I thought maybe he'd been in a really bad relationship or something and his friend was protective of him with new people?) but S&P told me that his friend hated pretty much everyone but him, so....was jealous of anyone that went near the one person he liked?

_hyperballad_ · 05-07-19 01:38:59

That is hilarious & weird. Although this bit in particular is just *chefs kiss* perfect:

"Assuming that I'm meeting up with someone who I don't really need to "doll myself up" for, I rocked up to our date wearing a hideous yellow and black woolen jumper that I called the Rorschach test, as everyone would see the patterns on it as different things."

Last edited by _hyperballad_ (05-07-19 01:39:26)

_redbird_ · 05-07-19 08:20:31

Hahaha I'm pretty sure you've seen the jumper before also Hyperballad! It was one of the ones in the "awkward family photos" shoot we did for work years ago where most of the office wore my various hideous woolen jumpers. I still have it, I'll wear it next week and we can have some lols. Is the pattern birds? Bananas? Fish? YOU decide

#1 19-06-19 01:05:09

Bad Dates of Melbourne

#2 19-06-19 04:42:01

Re: Bad Dates of Melbourne

#3 20-06-19 00:37:45

Re: Bad Dates of Melbourne

#4 20-06-19 08:51:52

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#5 21-06-19 07:19:59

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#6 25-06-19 02:38:30

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#7 25-06-19 03:00:50

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#8 25-06-19 03:07:15

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#9 28-06-19 02:55:14

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#10 03-07-19 09:00:09

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#11 03-07-19 09:44:52

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#12 04-07-19 07:16:17

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#13 05-07-19 01:38:59

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#14 05-07-19 08:20:31

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