#1 27-12-18 23:57:52

Beechmere27

Member

Registered: 23-12-17

Posts: 4

Rediscovering Eroticism

What a strange year it's been.  My partner of 12 years is leaving me for a richer man (like she always threatened to do).  So we are now amicable "housemates" for a few months until an actual separation takes place.  In the meantime, she's interstate a lot (with him), and I've done something amazing:  I've reconnected with my ex-wife, and we have plans to pool our resources, forgive all past differences, and get back together (with our adult children!) to have another stab at life!   

Needless to say, my ex-wife and I have hooked up a few times, and I'm happy to discover that her sexuality hasn't diminished over the years.  If anything, her own "mid-life crisis" was far more exciting than mine - she bought a motorbike, explored bi-sexuality, had sex outdoors, discovered female ejaculation, went to swingers parties, etc.    My current partner was more private, proper and constrained, so I'm excited to reestablish  a relationship that will complement my own higher libido levels. 

Naturally, during the past several years, I've been an avid consumer of IFM.   I'm wondering whether to share this with my ex-wife.   Will she be excited, annoyed or turned off?    Do most male customers share their IFM tastes with their partners?   In a healthy relationship, they probably shouldn't be hiding it, like the old magazines under the mattress of the 1960/70s.   Certainly it's easy enough to hide online material - the question is: should I?

_hyperballad_

Member

Registered: 04-08-16

Posts: 556

Re: Rediscovering Eroticism

Firstly hats off to you for turning around what is essentially a pretty damn difficult thing to experience. Living with an ex regardless of the circumstance can be tough so again kudos, sounds like you are killing it despite the knock down with your most recent partner.

The advice I always give men wanting to introduce a new element of sexuality with their partners is to go slow. If you're unsure, definitely go slow. A great place to spark up a conversation might be about erotica vs porn, it's usually a pretty good indicator of how a person feels about the sort of thing we do. Gives you an opportunity to speak on the nuances in adult content, how you feel about it etc.

You shouldn't need to hide your enjoyment of this space, no, but it always helps to know how best to frame the introduction of such things. At the end of the day we live in a deeply sex negative society & for all my liberation occasionally I too have a knee jerk reactions to certain topics.

I share porn with my partner, I mean sometimes we make porn together so maybe I am not the best person to gauge the regularity of sharing adult content with your SO!

That said it is also totally fine to have elements of your sexuality that you don't always share - boundaries are important & healthy too.

Good luck with it all, definitely interested to see what others have to say on the subject & also how you end up navigating it all.

x

Beechmere27

Member

Registered: 23-12-17

Posts: 4

Re: Rediscovering Eroticism

Thanks for the reply and advice, Hyperballad.    When my ex asked me whether I'd been "good" in between visits, I admitted that I hadn't, which amused her.   I mentioned IFM as the cause, and she said she hadn't heard of it.   So we will see what happens . . . . .

viva

pretty pretty princess

Registered: 14-05-10

Posts: 4,113

Website

Re: Rediscovering Eroticism

ooh, does "Being good" mean not ejaculating without her?

Beechmere27

Member

Registered: 23-12-17

Posts: 4

Re: Rediscovering Eroticism

Well, when you've got a high-performance machine, like a speedboat or aircraft, you need to start it up and take it out for a run every so often. . . . . like maybe once a day. . . . .     They don't need much fuel either - just a bowl of ramen (with collagen) a couple of times a week.

viva

pretty pretty princess

Registered: 14-05-10

Posts: 4,113

Website

Re: Rediscovering Eroticism

I'm sorry I'm having trouble following your metaphor! can you explain?