orgasm frustration vent

viva · 13-03-18 11:38:03

I love support groups, honestly. well, the idea of them! I never really found one that i clicked with but I didn't really try very hard either. I love situations where unlikely people are thrown togeher based on a theme of some kind and the ways they interact within that... I kind of love this scenario in horror/action films too haha, like Cube or Speed!

marie___m · 21-01-21 02:12:05

I think I understand what you mean. I feel like my "orgasmic frustration" becomes a physical feeling inside my abdomen, very uncomfortable feeling. The only way to stop it is to reach orgasm but when I try to do it the feeling gets worse

viva · 21-01-21 03:15:38

omgosh yes marie, I have felt this! sometimes my vibrator helps.

marie___m · 09-02-21 22:16:29

viva wrote:

omgosh yes marie, I have felt this! sometimes my vibrator helps.

How did you "help" it with the vibrator? Just a low setting and more patience?

viva · 09-02-21 23:41:10

Yeah exactly. The low rumbling vibrations can be soothing and get me back in a relaxed place where I can come with more ease.

_hyperballad_ · 09-02-21 23:51:43

I don't have a short answer for you Viva lol. I do maybe have some ideas/answers for you though!

We should go have a drink or meal & I can share some things that may help <3

x

marie___m · 10-02-21 00:11:17

viva wrote:

Yeah exactly. The low rumbling vibrations can be soothing and get me back in a relaxed place where I can come with more ease.

Ok, I might have to try that because I was looking at exciting videos here all day but I still wasn't able to reach an orgasm

viva · 10-02-21 00:21:55

Yeah im not sure how it works with a penis, but if you can get something thats still stimulating in like a low continuous way, so you can relax your body and just ride it... I think it could help. That plus some deep breathing and some kind words to yourself...Sometimes we can get so in our heads!

alsbosilver · 10-02-21 11:41:29

Hello, dear Viva

First of all, I am overwhelmed by your testimony. I don't know you, of course, but I have been watching and enjoying your recordings for many years and have had many orgasms watching you. And then, we exchanged ideas here and lately, you informed me that you had done a session with legs stretched, you know that is what I adore the most! So you are a bit of a friend ...
I have not read all the answers to this confession that you made, maybe some or some told you what I am going to tell you.

I have the impression that behind everything that you describe in this long post through this matter of orgasm so difficult to reach and in some way disconnected could be hiding something else like a "slump", a depressive episode, perhaps ?

Have you had the idea of talking to a doctor or better yet a sex therapist or psychologist? Don't take what I'm telling you badly, of course, but there may be some ideas to be explored on that side?

Let us know about you and be sure that there are a lot of people who love you here.

Christian

viva · 11-02-21 00:15:01

Oh thank you Christian <3

I think the original post was a step on my journey in my relationship... when I was single, like all sexual activity was just me giving myself an orgasm OR being sexy with a relative stranger which was usually either not about anyone coming, or if we were going pretty far, just him coming! But I never had intercourse when I was single, though we havent been officially together the whole time, I havent had sex with anyone but my boyfriend since 2015!

And not for lack of trying! Just no one else was good enough.

I dont think my issue was depression. I still find the sattelite nature of my orgasm to be really fucking annoying and I'd like to be able to just let go and come from sex like a man can!

But that's not the nature of (my) female sexuality, not at this stage in my life. I think navigating that - the way female orgasm is different from male orgasm - is a normal, natural, and often challenging part of heterosexual sex. We just dont talk about it much, so when someone does, it seems like a pathology.

In my relationship, we have found more balance and peace by doing more mutual masturbation that becomes sex, and also watching OMGyes which helped us communicate better about what I really want physically!

I'm getting better at relaxing and letting my boyfriend try things, and also now, whenever we have sex he is more active and takes the lead on foreplay and unless I say no, my orgasm always comes first. That really helps integrate my body into sex and even if I'm feeling lazy and discouraged, I know he will make me forget that soon enough!

I think sex is amazing and also difficult in ways, for many people... since it's a place of growth and transformation and sometimes unescapable honesty and vulnerability, I think it's natural that there would be challenges inherent in sex!

alsbosilver · 11-02-21 09:47:47

Hello Viva, thank you for your long response.

Sex is so complicated, especially over time with the same partner in fact ... Sometimes it works well, everyone is happy and at other times one or the other no longer feels the same sensations, n have more orgasm, no longer desire for the same things ...

I think you did very well to talk about it, it freed you a little and allowed you to put words on your feelings and perhaps from all the discussions that this generates, will be born a more relaxed state?

In any case you seem to have a partner who is totally attentive to you, this is a great chance and it does not seem to happen to all women and you "work" together for a beautiful and fulfilling sex relationship for both.

One thing is certain, mutual masturbation or even better (as far as I'm concerned) masturbating alone in front of the other or next to each other is a technique that works quite well all the same. ! This allows you to convulpabis the other, to free him to give you pleasure, it combines both the solitary side of masturbation, but also sharing, provided you have a little voyeur / exhib tendency, of course. But everyone is doing as best they can!

But, concerning the male orgasm, we should not believe that it is that simple ... We also have our difficulties to let go and this is always linked to the mental state, moral, anxiety, temporary depression, all that makes us living beings and not orgasm machines !!

I wish you lots of fun and happiness, Viva!

Christian

alsbosilver · 11-02-21 09:50:38

Small translation error, I wanted to say "exonerate the other" !!

maurice_B · 11-02-21 17:11:33

viva wrote:

I still find the sattelite nature of my orgasm to be really fucking annoying and I'd like to be able to just let go and come from sex like a man can!

Believe me Viva, men can also have trouble switching off their heads and letting go. It happens to me all the time. But you're also right of course, this does seem to be much more common in female sexuality, which certainly has to do with vulnerability.

In any case you seem to have come a long way in the three years since you wrote the original post, having done so much exploration together with your partner and having vastly expanded your horizons in the process. Good on ya!!

If you still feel some frustration then my guess would be that it comes down to something you wrote in an earlier post on this thread, where you said that you crave intimacy but it's also what you fear the most. This closeness-distance stuff is pretty common but it's damn hard to conquer as it's usually based on something that happened in one's formative years. It could also possibly explain (although I may be wrong here and don't really want to speculate too much) that you find it easier to come when your partner is just fingering you and you're the one actually putting you over the edge, which allows for a small degree of distance and control, versus when there's penetration involved.

Anyway, so glad to read that you two are finding new ways to make you relax and feel good about yourself.

Last edited by maurice_B (11-02-21 23:20:26)

viva · 12-02-21 01:07:42

maurice_B wrote:

Believe me Viva, men can also have trouble switching off their heads and letting go. It happens to me all the time. But you're also right of course, this does seem to be much more common in female sexuality, which certainly has to do with vulnerability.

Do you think it's all about vulnerability? I mean it does seem that even though some men might have a harder time letting go, and some women have an easier time "achieving" orgasm than others, that the general shapes of our mutual anatomies does seem to contribute to female orgasm being different to males... it's less likely, on whole, to "just happen" to women. On a purely physical level, if he's happy and feels safe, many men can come from penetrating nearly any vagina, whereas most women need some clit stimulation. Clit stimulation is not automatically a part of penetrative sex. You have to actually make an effort. No matter how happy, safe, and vulnerable I feel, I have never had an orgasm with zero clit stimulation.

maurice_B · 12-02-21 11:12:13

Oh sure, I totally get that and in fact have had only one female partner in my life who didn't need clit stimulation to come. I was actually just referring to the mental side of it, the "letting go" part, which I believe comes easier to guys in general (though certainly not always) due to their physical dominance. Many if not most women seem to need an added layer of trust in order to orgasm. It was certainly that way with my current partner who wasn't ready to let it happen until she was confident enough that I was really interested in her as a person, rather than just in a fleeting affair. Once she had overcome that fear it was easy for her to orgasm, and she's fine with either me or herself doing the clit stimulation.

ThatIndividual · 12-02-21 14:41:06

That mutual masturbation and 'talking' seems to help you jives with my past. When I was discovering sex, it was mostly via phone sex. I remember many partners telling me they couldn't actually orgasm with men they had sex with - but they orgasmed pretty easily with me on the phone. And we were pretty much just talking about what we were doing to ourselves and what we'd like to do with one another.

I'm glad to hear you're having success Viva!

viva · 18-02-21 00:21:49

Yeah, I think letting go is important but I think it would be a lot easier if my clitoris was giant, external, and I just had to rub my entire hand back and forth on it or push it into something slippery a few times to feel really good.

#26 13-03-18 11:38:03

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#27 21-01-21 02:12:05

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