is it okay to have sex with a Buffy bot?

viva · 04-03-20 03:54:19

Hey guys! so where do we fall on the ethics of all this?

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/j5yz … elebrities

Custom adult VR representations of real people are not high quality yet, but they will be.

I feel torn about it. On one hand it seems wrong - so wrong. One time I talked to an ex of mine and he told me he still thought of me when he wanked. And used videos I'd sent him and stuff. I was furious because it made me feel used and violated - I wanted him to want all of me, not just my sexuality, and if he didn't want me, I didn't want him to be privy to even a memory of my body! We had a huge argument about whether he was making a Buffy bot* of me and whether or not that was ok.

Intellectually, I am the first to champion the idea that people have the right to their erotic mind spaces - that it's normal and natural to fantasise about... well... pretty much anything. Including your girlfriend's sister, and your husband's boss, your uncle or whatever. The erotic mind is kind of like a dreaming space, it's for processing and clearing emotions, thoughts, and feelings we may otherwise repress.

But does this take it too far? What really is the difference between fantasising about fucking Buffy, and building a Buffy bot to fuck?

*If you dont know what a buffy bot is, you have some television education to catch up on.

Last edited by viva (04-03-20 03:54:58)

_redbird_ · 05-03-20 07:56:00

I feel somewhat torn about this, as my first instinct was a no thank you, but having said that, as someone who fantasises almost exclusively about fictional characters and famous people, having the option to fuck a Pride and Prejudice Colin Firth would be incredible. I could be the 3rd Doctor's companion and have a threesome with the 12th Doctor. Eva Green could look into my eyes and destroy my soul. It would bring my fantasies to life and that would be amazing.

What happened with your ex is not okay though and you are completely valid in feeling that way. It's complicated and murky, but I know that if I found out an ex had been wanking to my stuff I would feel rather violated too (especially if it was the one I was really in love with who didn't reciprocate those feelings). I once found out that one of my friend's boyfriends had been caught wanking to my online work and while she more or less laughed it off, I felt a bit disturbed by it. But should I? Regardless of whether or not you have wank material online, people can think about you any time and go to town on themselves, so should I judge or try to police that?

Part of me thinks that something like this could actually be beneficial to someone trying to get over an ex, as I suspect the hollowness of them not being with the real life person would probably snap them out of it. It could also make things much more difficult too though, as they would never really have the closure that comes with absence.

So in conclusion...Yes? Maybe?

perfectlysexy · 06-03-20 02:12:33

Thanks Viva, for the buffy-bot reference!

I am in agreement with you both that people have a right to a private space for fantasies. What a person does when it does not impact another person is generally their business, in my opinion.

Here are 2 caveats I see:

1. When the boundary between private and non-private is breached. So, masturbating to pictures/videos/etc of an ex, fine. As soon as that person shares that with someone, like the ex, that is no longer private. And that is a space for someone to say, “I am not comfortable with that happening. Please don’t do it.” Of course we can’t stop someone from doing that but we are setting the expectation that it will remain in the private space. If that boundary is breached again, time to end that relationship.

Spike having sex with the Buffy-Bot in his crypt, no problem. But it is a problem when the scoobies see him and the Buffy-Bot and assume it’s actual Buffy. Private is private, but only when it’s really private.

2. Whether this is a healthy pursuit. I believe that this could manifest in ways that negatively affect the person, feeding obsessive thoughts and behaviors, and keeping the person isolated from actual human contact. So while I wouldn’t support criminalizing Buffy-Bots, I would support healthy conversations and community support to those who may be having issues related to their use.

For an ahead of its time exploration of these issues see Star Trek TNG, Season 3 Episode 21, “Hollow Pursuits”.

perfectlysexy · 06-03-20 02:24:46

Hollow Pursuits (Star Trek TNG):
https://www.netflix.com/watch/70177931
https://www.hulu.com/watch/264bb738-1b6 … 3ce48b29e4

The Intervention (Buffy):
https://www.hulu.com/watch/d0f52c67-2d1 … 1a81d5a51c

viva · 09-03-20 01:08:57

Ha, great Barclay reference! That episode was amazing. Actually his character is so amazing overall, because I think he really represents a kind of male character we rarely see - one that struggles with feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety. But instead of villianising or mocking him, the show holds him in this amazing compassionate space. The characters are upset and taken aback to see his fantasy world, where he can dominate the women who make him feel threatened in real life, but they don't hate him. We see him treated non-judgementally. He is helped to open up about his feelings, and given the social tools and support he needs to become a confident and respected crew member. At one point, a little too confident.. haha

It's interesting to make the point that everything is okay, as long as it's private. That's a bit like... shroedinger's sexbot, isn't it? It's not moral or immoral - as long as no one can see it. I have two thoughts about this.

1. in context of the original topic (VR representations), I think I would argue that making a bot in VR is... really risky. VR and online worlds are inherently not private. The anonymity encourages people to share there, and if my ex made a bot of me, how long before someone else is having sex with the bot-version of me? One that maybe had my mannerisms? One that said things I'd say, or shared information about my life? The thought makes me so uncomfortable.
2. When we fantasise about things which are private, it's healthy and feels good, to have your own inner world. But when we fantasise about things we cannot share, which we would feel extreme shame if anyone knew, I don't know if that's so healthy. It's too isolating - "when I'm alone, I'm free, but I cannot be free with other people. If they knew they would hate me." How can we have real intimacy when we are split like that? That's why the kink community is so amazing. It's important that people feel right about what they do even in their most private spaces, and important to have a community which is sex-positive, supportive, and permissive.

perfectlysexy · 09-03-20 03:34:51

Hi Viva. I appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. In reading your post I remembered that there's another Star Trek episode that deals with this. It's the B story of this episode:

Meridian (Star Trek DS9)
https://www.netflix.com/watch/70205859
https://www.hulu.com/watch/1b678068-bd0 … 7a21a6e16a

Kira has to deal with someone that wants to make a holodeck sex-bot of her. Unlike Troi, she does not consent or think it's okay for some random stranger to have access to something like that. It seems like an exploration of your first thought.

viva · 09-03-20 03:43:51

I'm just starting DS9 now so I'm just in the beginning of 2nd season... not quite there yet! Kira is a less compassionate/supportive character, she's angrier than Troi, which makes so much sense for their two characters. But I'm looking forward to seeing how that plays out for the character in comparison to how it played out for Barclay.

privignus · 09-03-20 21:23:05

viva wrote:

Ha, great Barclay reference! That episode was amazing. Actually his character is so amazing overall, because I think he really represents a kind of male character we rarely see - one that struggles with feelings of inadequacy and social anxiety. But instead of villianising or mocking him, the show holds him in this amazing compassionate space. The characters are upset and taken aback to see his fantasy world, where he can dominate the women who make him feel threatened in real life, but they don't hate him. We see him treated non-judgementally. He is helped to open up about his feelings, and given the social tools and support he needs to become a confident and respected crew member. At one point, a little too confident.. haha

I think watching some old ST:NG reruns could be fun, partially because its a eutopia and partially because that '90s Hollywood liberal culture is so different from any of the ones on the Internet today. The new cultures don't have any better answer to some of these problems than the old cultures, because some of the things people want and do to each other bring up such strong feelings. The whole "cancel culture" and "intent is not an excuse" (even though in law and ethics it has been for thousands of years!) have problems even if so did the culture that let all these powerful men creep out all of these women and younger men because "Bob is just like that." I wonder what I can find on YouTube or my local streaming service?

That whole "non-judgemental but not accepting" is important but hard to achieve isn't it!

And making the one who buys the Buffy bot be the friggin' demon is brilliant!

privignus · 09-03-20 21:41:11

The other one it reminds me of are the ferocious taboos against drawings or stories of sex involving children. On one hand, eew, but on the other hand no actual people are harmed.

Sex with avatars or dolls of real unconsenting people is similar, its hard to object to it as a utilitarian, but eew. Guys can fuck a cast of fully consenting people's vulvas thanks to Fleshlight though

privignus · 20-03-20 21:49:07

Girl on the Net has a post about when its OK to keep and/or wank to your ex's nudes https://www.girlonthenet.com/2020/03/15 … exs-nudes/

I am sorry if my last post was gross, this topic just brings up a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of issues around power and I am not sure if there is a good answer. Photos and/or memories are forever but relationships are not And I am not used to knowing that other people are perving about me so I don't know how I feel about that.

#1 04-03-20 03:54:19

is it okay to have sex with a Buffy bot?

#2 05-03-20 07:56:00

Re: is it okay to have sex with a Buffy bot?

#3 06-03-20 02:12:33

Re: is it okay to have sex with a Buffy bot?

#4 06-03-20 02:24:46

Re: is it okay to have sex with a Buffy bot?

#5 09-03-20 01:08:57

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#6 09-03-20 03:34:51

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#7 09-03-20 03:43:51

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#8 09-03-20 21:23:05

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#9 09-03-20 21:41:11

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#10 20-03-20 21:49:07

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