My first post / body positivity

Piper_A · 21-07-18 04:01:35

Hiya everyone!
This is my first time posting on the IFM forum - I am a contributor to ISM and Beautiful Agony and just recently did a studio shoot for IFM as well!
I wanted to do a bit of a ramble here because while my ISM bio and my IFM video profile will give you a little glimpse into my mind, I haven't really yet sat down and done a big ramble about what these websites mean to me.
I am what the mainstream porn industry would consider a BBW. I hate that term but I sometimes feel like I have to use it in order to justify the presence of a body like mine on an erotic website. I contributed to ISM back in January for the first time and since then I have been getting in touch with my body in amazing new ways. To me, my body being accepted by the community around these websites was and still is very validating.
Moving through the world in a big body like mine has its challenges in terms of feeling like an outsider, feeling un-sexy, feeling un-feminine, and comparing myself to other women. But to know that I have these websites where my body and my sexuality are appreciated rather than scrutinised or completely denied the time of day - that's priceless to me. To know that these sites are about celebrating reality, diversity and honesty above all else is such a beautiful thing. To know that the people of Feck don't look at my body and wish I had a smaller waist or perkier boobs, but rather just appreciate that I am happy, healthy, thoughtful and have lovely intense orgasms - that has been the greatest boost I have encountered in my journey to body positivity in my whole life.
I am eternally grateful.
To the editors, contributors and members alike that make this community what it is - thank you. Erotica has never been more dignified or heartwarming.

Stay wonderful! X

viva · 22-07-18 06:26:50

Hi Piper,

oh my gosh I love a ramble and I love when contributors come talk here about their actual feelings about all this. complexity and depth are so hot. I think there are very few of us women who feel unreservedly confident with the way we look... so when I hear you talk about your experience, I just feel a sigh of relief. It makes me feel more normal.

it was also such a revelation to me when I found myself welcomed in an erotic space even though my boobs are kind of saggy and i'm super short and hairy and thick and kind of an assertive know it all and too in my head, and never wear makeup and barely wear shoes, much less high heels. and then to be not only welcomed, but like... drooled over! And then.. desired!! I began to believe it.

I was editor of ISM for a few years. I saw so many women's naked selfies! I didn't realise until then how much I liked the bodies of girls who looked like me. I'd never seen bodies like mine in media. Before ISM, I never even got a chance to see my self represented! I'm not exactly BBW, but I have a kind of weird body type - super short torso, thick legs, big tits with weight and dangle to them. I remember when I saw a girl on ISM who had like kind of thick calves and ankles without too much curve. They didn't look anything like what we are taught "good legs" look like. But I found them so aesthetic and beyond that... moving. And they turned me on. they looked like my own legs.

I started to realise how men like my body and I started to understand why. I started to realise that weight is gravity and gravity is sexy. When you see weight, it makes you want to touch, hold, grab, lift. It's tactile and arousing. I started to realise that there's so many ways for a woman's body to visually effect arousal. There's so much about bodies that magazines never begin to explore. It's actually so exciting... I feel like I'm not even in control of how men see me. Like, I can dress sexy but even when I dont, I can feel men looking... why? What do they see? When I didn't believe I was hot, no one noticed me, I deflected attention. But once I believed maybe people found me hot, I started to feel their eyes on me, and their appreciation all the time...

lately I've been learning how to make eye contact and maybe (gasp) maybe one day I will even learn to flirt.

I've been watching The Handmaid's Tale.. which is obviously so dark and intense. But what I love so much is Elizabeth Moss' body and face. She looks so fucking beautiful with her undereye circles and non-slender body and face with signs of age. She looks poetic, real, hot, so hot. and that makes me feel like I'm beautiful even with my wrinkles and non-standard body and even when clothes don't fit the way theyre "supposed to" on a thin girl... I still look good. getting to see that in media is EVERYTHING

so THANK YOU for being brave enough to be a non-typical model and express yourself sexually in media and share. cause I gaurentee that a girl that looks like you is going to see you, and your beauty is going to make her think, oh wait. maybe she's beautiful too.

and thank you feck and richard for making a space to celebrate women, without giving us a narrow spectrum of how we are supposed to look. god its so fucking good to be unlimited.

Last edited by viva (22-07-18 06:36:02)

_hyperballad_ · 25-07-18 02:59:41

Oh my sweet, wonderful Piper!

You know I fucking love the shit out of you & I am veryyy happy that you will be joining us in the land of IFM. Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure regarding fat representation here. I feel like I should be CONFIDENT & kicking ass at all times but sometimes I definitely feel self conscious & gross looking & all of those things I try to fight against in my own bopo movement & activism of sorts. It's hard to come up against this stuff day in, day out, so I totally feel you.

Ya know I freaking hated the term BBW too til I made friends with a bunch of self identifying BBW sex workers on Twitter. A term that used to make me want to dieeeeeee is now one that I'm not exactly 100% comfortable with but I see those women owning the fuck out of it & making a dick tonne of money, their unapologeticness is completely badass & gives me so much life. It changed what that term means to me, I don't cringe if someone describes me that way anymore. I like the idea of reclamation & I think bigger women are reclaiming their terms & language.

Personally I see myself as a deeply sexual being doing her thang. Yes, I am thick bodied but I don't brand myself BBW or anything really, other than maybe being a total dag *cry laughing emoji*

I really yearn to see larger bodies everywhere, not just in porn, I yearn to see fatness unfetishised, unremarked upon, just the dynamics in human form represented. I see a little bit of that here at IFM. I feel a safety in the ifeelmyself project that I don't necessarily find anywhere else unless I'm self producing content. The Spencer Tunick experience along with all of the media I did was actually surprisingly very affirming also. Life drawing has been a brilliant outlet for me too. Understanding that my body is interesting & it can do really great things has been fab.

In short: you are a babe & I'm so glad you have shared your thoughts on all of this stuff here. I am so glad you have arrived here & I am looking forward to your contributions <3

Piper_A · 25-07-18 07:04:47

Thank you so so so so so much Viva and Hyperballad for your glorious and thoughtful replies!!
I completely get what you mean about representation being a turn on, Viva! I don't think there is anything that has made me feel quite as sexy as the projects here at Feck. I will never forget the way I felt after doing my first ISM shoot - I remember looking back through the photos and appreciating the different angles and the way my body changed its lines and shapes as it moved, and appreciating those little details in a way I never had before. There's nothing sexier than feeling sexy. And now when I go onto ISM and see a body like mine, I feel so proud of the women like me who have the confidence to unashamedly celebrate every little detail of their glorious, beautiful soft bodies. The sexiest part is always a genuine smile; the way a woman smiles when she is happily letting her body exist exactly as it is - that is the sexiest thing I can possibly imagine. Women are everything! I am so proud of every contributor who ever has and ever will be a part of these sites!
Hyperballad - you're just too amazing beyond words. You have done so much for Feck and I am infinitely proud to know you and work with you! Your thoughts on the term BBW are so great - I agree that being able to reclaim and use that term could be so excellent. For me I think I have always linked that term to fetishizing, which is why for me i'm not in love with it, but I like the idea of having a term that acknowledges that my body offers something different to what people might be used to. It might grow on me; most people don't like the word 'chubby' but I actually love it! I think it's a sweet word that captures the cuteness of big tummies and legs and boobs.
My heart is just bursting with love for this site and the people on it. Thank you so much for indulging me with my all my body/tummy talk! <3

privignus · 26-07-18 23:00:13

"honesty" is a great word! So many of the contributions are really personal expressions, even if they talk an idea over with feck first and then the editor selects things. Sincerity is sexy.

_hyperballad_ wrote:

Ya know I freaking hated the term BBW too til I made friends with a bunch of self identifying BBW sex workers on Twitter. A term that used to make me want to dieeeeeee is now one that I'm not exactly 100% comfortable with but I see those women owning the fuck out of it & making a dick tonne of money, their unapologeticness is completely badass & gives me so much life.

"dick ton" is a great sex worker unit!

I see you have a new video diary episode up, I will check it out next time I have money for a subscription.

#1 21-07-18 04:01:35

My first post / body positivity

#2 22-07-18 06:26:50

Re: My first post / body positivity

#3 25-07-18 02:59:41

Re: My first post / body positivity

#4 25-07-18 07:04:47

Re: My first post / body positivity

#5 26-07-18 23:00:13

Re: My first post / body positivity

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